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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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nygirl123 Offline
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Exclamation Depressed and I don't know where to live! please tell me what to do!! - March 31st 2016, 11:22 PM

Let me fill you in really quick and then ill cut to the chase...
My parents got divorced when i was about 10.
We had to move out of my home a few years later.
My dad moved to Florida and my mom and i live in NY still
My sister went away to a state college.
My mom went through nursing school so she could get a job
I developed an eating disorder and lost weight, friends, and my personality.
I recovered physically, but still think about it every day to this day.
I am depressed, and can't stand the new york weather or people.

I want to go to florida and finish junior and senior year there! The weather is nicer, I can start over, be near the ocean(which is what i wish to pursue a job with one day), just have an over all fuller life. I know I would be happier.

I love my mom and my dad so much. But sometimes they are selfish as to who has me and never look at the big picture of what i want/need

I can't figure out if it's morally wrong to leave my mom at this point, or morally wrong to stay in NY just for her.

I want to live with my dad in florida, but i love my mom, so i feel like either way I lose.

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Kate* Offline
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Re: Depressed and I don't know where to live! please tell me what to do!! - April 1st 2016, 12:09 AM

I don't think it's "morally wrong" to choose one place to live over the other. I would start by making a list of the pros and cons for moving vs. staying where you are. It sounds like you'll have to convince at least one of them that this is a good idea, so the more thought you put into it before approaching them the better. As enticing as better weather seems, it may not be a convincing enough argument for your mom who is letting you move out of state away from her, and unfortunately there are negative, annoying, etc. people everywhere, so that may not work either, at least not by itself. Next would be to talk to them both and make sure it's possible for your dad to have you live with him. Also, consider the things that would concern them most. If you're recovering from an eating disorder, how will you continue that, will being near a beach and seeing others in bathing suits trigger you and if so, how will you deal with that? etc. How do you handle changing schools, leaving friends, how will you maintain contact with your mom etc. Next, I would strongly suggest spending your summer (or at least a large part of it) with your dad there to see what it's like to stay for an extended period of time both with him and in the environment. It's easy to be attracted to something and then realize that the reality of it is very different than you imagined, and this isn't a move that could be easily reversed, at least not right away.

You should do what you think will make you happiest, but do your homework first.


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cynefin Offline
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Re: Depressed and I don't know where to live! please tell me what to do!! - April 1st 2016, 04:50 PM

Katie gave some really good advice that you should take on board. When considering whether or not you want to move, definitely ask yourself those questions and maybe write them out so you can help yourself see the big picture.

It's not wrong to stay with your mom just for her, though that includes putting her first and you need to put yourself first and do what is best for you. It's understandable you want to stay with her because you feel that obligation towards her since she is your family. It's not wrong to want to move in with your dad and finish high school in Florida, either.

After you examine different sides of everything, make the decision that is best for you. Don't rush into it, though.


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