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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Simon The Miner Offline
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I need help with my step dad. Sorry it's long - April 9th 2016, 02:16 AM

I know there are like a million of these out there of people asking for help with their step dad or mom but I've never seen one that's like mine. Most of them complain about abuse or the step parent being wasteful but I can't seem to find help on how to deal with my step dad.
I love the guy, I just hate to be around him, like I dread when he gets home and treasure the time he is a work. Around the end of spring to beginning of summer he starts getting home earlier than my mom and this lasts till sometime in the winter. The reason I dread him being home and even more when my mom isn't home when he is is because I feel like he thinks of me as a defiant self centered 15 year old brat (he's even called a little kid with how I act and got very upset when I responded by calling him and old man... Which is its own story I don't want to get into). I feel like he looks for things to yell at me for, such as today when I semi forgot semi chose not to do my chores because it was Friday and I was excited to do what I usually do and that's play video games. He lectured me for about 15 minutes about doing my chorces and how he wants me to "wake up and realize the worlds not about just me" when I already know this, he just chooses to believe I don't. He also usually only yells at me or lectures me when my mom is not home, which is why I always want her home before him. He never tells my mom the whole story just what will make me get in trouble and him not get in any trouble. Today he lectured me after telling me to walk the dog and then he started talking about the waking up BS and manning up. After I didn't respond to his last question out of fear of him getting upset from the truth or telling him what he wanted to hear and lie (which I am a lier but it's very controlled). I fear how he will respond sometimes so I just shrug and say I don't know.
He just makes me feel like he doesn't love me and only puts up with me so he can yell at me to relieve stress or something and do chorces so he can sit down and watch tv (of which I called him out on today because he called me out for playing games... Also this is a little out of order of what happened but I'll put that in later) he does a lot for the house but usually I see him on his ass in his recliner when he gets home. When I called him out things got a little out of hand and I told him not to touch me, low and behold he gets all up in my face and pushes me with his chest. After he gets in my face and starts lecturing me really angerly I finally snapped (and I have never punch someone legitimate before in my life but I don't feel guilty about it despite hating being involved in psychical volience in real life) and punch him in the gut. Being a weak skinny 15 year old I didn't do much against his gut and he put me in a head lock and tackled/pushed me to the ground really hard. He picked me up a little then pushed me down to the ground again and I hit my head while in his choke lock. I don't really think it was on purpose and that he wasn't trying to hurt me but my neck still hurts a little from it like an hour ago (probably on accident. I would like to believe he wouldn't abuse me or my family since he hasn't don't much to deserve being accused of that)
I just feel like he doesn't like me as much as he does my mom or my brothers, and if something where to happen to me he would be the least affected. I just wish he would stop looking at the bad side of me and always acting like me playing video games and lying every now and then is going to make me some sort of criminal. He even will get emotional and aggree to be kinder and a week later at the latest he will turn around and act like he normally does only because my mom has to step in and stop him.
Here is what happened in order
-playing video games because i semi forgot and semi chose not to do chorces because I wanted to play games since it's Friday
-he gets home, says hello, checks my brother who is sick, then asks if I did all my chorces
-I say I forgot and vacuum around the birdcage and head back up because I didn't want to walk the dog because I hate it (I honestly don't mind my chorces I just hate walking the dog)
-he pulls me back down stairs and scolds me for not walking the dog
-I get back from walking the dog and he makes me sit through his lecture
-I kinda stare though him towards the end because I want to get back to video games and forget this happened
-he gets pissed because I have a hard time paying attention and tells me to get off games
-I go upstairs and yell at him "do you want me to be a man or turn off games"
-we argue a small bit then he comes upstairs
-I tell him not to touch me and he pushes me with his chest and gets in my face
-he tells me how that I wasn't being a man. I felt like I was being a man for standing up something I felt wasn't fair as he never does this to my brothers who break rules like I do
-I snap and punch him
-he says something about him being a man
-pins me and throws me a little like I said earlier (I'd like to believe he didn't mean to hurt me but I'm honestly not sure
-he gets off and lectures me some more
-I ask if I can comment something as he leaves (I wanted to say that a real man wouldn't pin his son for punching him but would tell him why he's wrong instead, as well as that we have different opinions on what a man is) he's actually tried to get me to punch him in the gut before, saying he wouldn't do anything and I refused.
-he says I don't have anything to comment which makes me wish I kneed him in the balls
Sorry this is long but I wanted to try and explain this as best as I think I can and I tried to be as unbiased as possible because I feel that way I will get better help. Is there a way that will make him not act like a jerk and do these things to me only when he wont get in trouble? Also is it wrong I don't feel any guilt at all for punching him in the side of the gut?
   
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Re: I need help with my step dad. Sorry it's long - April 9th 2016, 04:29 PM

It is not wrong to not feel guilty about punching your stepdad in his side. It seems like you have a lot of anger toward him and punching him released some of that. Try not to make a habit of doing that, though. There was no excuse for him to punch you like that. There's no excuse in the book for wrongfully putting your hands on someone else and I suggest you tell someone about this.

I think you should talk to your mom and your stepdad together so you can explain how your stepdad makes you feel. Tell them what you said here; that you feel like he doesn't treat you the way he treats everyone else, talk about how he hit you and how he doesn't tell all of the story to your mom. Your stepdad doesn't seem like a person you can confront on your own and I think it would help to have your mom there.


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Re: I need help with my step dad. Sorry it's long - April 10th 2016, 12:51 AM

I know this isn't what you want to here man, but I think you have done more wrong here then your step dad. If he hated you and didn't care he wouldn't waste 15 minutes on lecturing you after work. He probably just wants to relax. If he didn't care, he wouldn't lecture you. If you had chores to do, and you didn't because you just didn't feel like it, I would scold you too. If you establish habits when you are young, they will last even when you are older. You had jobs and felt like you had something better to do and that's just lazy . Being a man doesn't always mean fighting. You have to accept you are wrong sometimes and put responsibly it's on yourself. You can't just be a man whenever you feel like. It is absolutely unacceptable that you punched your stepdad. You not being able to control your anger shows that you're still just a boy and did not man up. If you punch someone, I don't care who it is, they are going to get physical back with you. They are not going to be a punching bag for you to release your frustration on. Also, don't complain if your stepdad doesn't tell the whole story to your mom. You say you lie to get out of chores. Don't complain about people doing the same thing as you. That is incredibly hypocritical.
   
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Re: I need help with my step dad. Sorry it's long - April 11th 2016, 03:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpplease2000 View Post
I know this isn't what you want to here man, but I think you have done more wrong here then your step dad... Being a man doesn't always mean fighting. You have to accept you are wrong sometimes and put responsibly it's on yourself. It is absolutely unacceptable that you punched your stepdad. You not being able to control your anger shows that you're still just a boy and did not man up. If you punch someone, I don't care who it is, they are going to get physical back with you. They are not going to be a punching bag for you to release your frustration on. Also, don't complain if your stepdad doesn't tell the whole story to your mom. You say you lie to get out of chores. Don't complain about people doing the same thing as you. That is incredibly hypocritical.
This honestly is something that I wanted to hear, because it helps me. It was wrong that I punched my stepdad and I probably should have tried to look at this a little more from his perspective. I'm being a hypocrite and a jerk and I should work on that some more. Thank you
   
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Re: I need help with my step dad. Sorry it's long - April 19th 2016, 06:00 AM

I'm somewhat going through the same thing you are. I'm also 15 but a girl. When I was reading he sounded just like my dad. I can't wait till he goes out of town and when he comes back it's horrible. If he tell your mom half truths you should try to tell her the whole truth when he's not around. My step dad always yells at me and tells me he doesn't care About what I want to do. He yells at me when I'm doing homework and not doing my chores cause a clean house is more important then education. Anyway you shouldn't have done anything physical. That doesn't help at all. If he caused physical harm to you first and left a mark you could tell someone and he would get into big trouble. My step dad has gotten into my face before and almost punched me...I know this is kinda bumb but if you tell your mom and she doesn't believe you you could always try to get it on video. But the best way to solve this is by talking to him. Tell him you don't wanna yell or argue, but ask him to listen to you and not interrupt and tell him how you feel.
   
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