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JKang5 April 14th 2016 04:07 AM

Mother problems
So I'm a 13 year old kid who's had a relatively good life until around a year ago. At around that point I developed a bit of a lying habit, and it led to a big incident that caused a falling-out between me and my mother. However, at the time she said she didn't blame me, so I was relieved there would be no consequences other than the huge lecture she gave me. And after that, I got rid of the habit and believed the incident to be gone from my life. Recently, however, she beat me with one of my textbooks while shouting at me about the incident. I didn't leave nor report anything to anyone then because I thought I should have expected her to be mad about the incident, although I didn't expect the repercussions to occur so long after it happened. Now I am studying for an exam for an online course. Because the exam is relatively hard and made of 6 subjects, I've been trying to take my time to study for it. However, my mother has forcibly shortened my study periods by making me an employee at this little private academy she runs, and has scheduled weekly interrogations where she asks me about the subject that I'm studying and if I don't get most of her questions right she automatically assumes I haven't been actually studying. Now, while the stress of having my study period for each subject being shortened to a week is relatively easy to cope with, she also now treats me like a liar and calls me out on every screen flicker that happens on my computer, ignoring the fact that all of them are either full screen switches from video lectures or simply an accidental scroll of the page. She also shouts at me daily for not showing her my computer screen 24/7, although I've tried my best to prove to her I'm not lying. She puts a lot of stress on me by bringing up the exam at every single moment we have a conversation, which isn't good considering the stress from studying. At one point I was suicidal and tried to hang myself using a [edited] and a [edited] of my room, but the hook was far too low for me to actually kill myself. She forces me to go out on "family outings" which are pointless trips to the local park where we do nothing at all for 2 hours. When I asked her whether I could skip those so I could study more, she laughed and started belittling me when I snapped and shouted at her to be quiet. (Not shut up or any bad language, but plain "be quiet".) She got really mad at me for that and made me promise to never talk back to her again or get kicked out of the house, which is actually a really tempting idea. However, I don't have anywhere to go and I don't have any money, but I still feel that any place would be better than home.
So, is there a way to settle the tensions between my mother and me (which is something I have already tried numerous times and failed) or should I leave my house, and if so, how should I survive by myself?

cynefin April 14th 2016 06:08 AM

Re: Mother problems
I'm glad to hear you've stopped lying. I know that once you start lying, it is hard to stop, so I hope you are proud of yourself for being able to stop. That is a big accomplishment. :)

It seems like you lost a lot of your mom's trust, and I know it is hard right now, but I think it might take a while for you to earn it again.

I think you should be as open as possible with your mom so she sees you have nothing to hide. Maybe you can just casually bring up that sometimes you accidentally scroll across the webpage without meaning to or that you frequently change screens for lectures and studying. Try to say it in such a way that she won't think you're talking back to her. You can say something like, "Just to let you know..." It's also worth telling her that you might get some questions wrong when she tests you, due to shortened studying sessions. And maybe you can tell her that she's more than welcome to view your internet history and ask any questions she feels she needs to if something needs to be clarified. If she sees that you have nothing to hide, you might be able to slowly earn her trust back.

Do you think you could suggest different places for your family outings? You could do some research about your area and see what you can find and maybe you can talk your mom into something more interesting. If you list the benefits to it then she might become interested in it, too.

There was no excuse for her to hit you with a textbook like that. If she does something like that again, try to go elsewhere to keep yourself safe and maybe talk to her about cooling herself down.

If you end up talking to your mom, maybe you can back away if you sense an argument coming on. You can tell her that you don't want to argue and you'd like things to cool off before continuing her conversation. Hopefully she'd respect that. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her, you can always write a note and see if that helps.

I wouldn't recommend leaving your house unless you have a solid plan. You'd have to think about where you'd live and how you would provide for yourself and that is a lot for you to handle on your own.

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