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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My mum going through my phone? - April 19th 2016, 03:27 AM

Is it right for my mum to go through my phone? Because I've asked my friends if there mum goes through there phones and only one of them said their mum goes through their phone. Before I go to sleep I usually always end up watching YouTube and then I fall asleep. Then she will try and take my phone while I sleep. I put a pass code on my phone and auto lock after 5 minutes. It's just because I know that if she goes through my phone the first thing she looks for is Whatsapp and my chats with people and I have been talking to a boy and I know that if she sees she's going to start getting really paranoid and angry at me. Also I talk with my friends on there about our crushes and stuff as well. That when she sees it and then tells my dad. She's so annoying I don't understand why she does this. Or why I can't talk to boys or have a crush. I'm not going to lie she does get really paranoid and starts exaggerating small things.
   
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Re: My mum going through my phone? - April 19th 2016, 03:36 AM

Whatsapp is the only thing that I try and hide, otherwise there isn't anything suspicious to her. I tried hiding Whatsapp in my folder in case she tries to find it lol. Oh yeah I turned notifications off for Whatsapp, snapchat Instagram and YouTube in case she starts worrying that Im talking to a boy. I just honestly don't understand why she gets so paranoid and worried about it.
   
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Re: My mum going through my phone? - April 19th 2016, 03:46 AM

My feeling is if your mom pays for the service on your phone she is allowed to search it. As soon as you pay for your own phone bill you have the right to your privacy. For now your a teen and she has a right to worry if you are trying so hard to hide something from her.


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Re: My mum going through my phone? - April 19th 2016, 03:54 AM

Hey

Your mum goes through your phone because she worries about you and doesn't want you to get hurt. My mum used to do the same when I was around your age (read my emails etc) for the same reasons. I think it freaked her out to know that she couldn't really control who we saw and talked to when she wasn't around/watching.

I know it's frustrating that she's invading your privacy, but unless you talk to her about it and let her know how it makes you feel (as though she doesn't trust you), she's probably not going to see reason or stop doing it. My mum, for example, felt that it was her motherly duty to look out for me. She didn't understand that going through my things wasn't going to change the situation or my feelings. She genuinely just wanted to look out for me and protect me because she knew that these things could get messy and she didn't want me hurt. I can understand her perspective because I have siblings of my own and have resisted the urge to do the same on countless occasions, when I felt that they were heading down the same road. But it's all a part of the learning/growing process.

Also a part of it could come down to general motherly curiosity. I know my mum still wouldn't turn down the opportunity to go through my messages lol, just because she's always going to want to know what's going on with me.

I would suggest talking to her about it. You could tell her that it makes you uncomfortable and ask that she trusts you a little. Assuring her that nothing untoward is happening may appease her a little. I don't know that there's anything you can do though to make sure that she never does it again, because like I said, she cares about you and doesn't want to see you get hurt. But bringing it up might help.


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Re: My mum going through my phone? - April 21st 2016, 05:24 PM

Thanks for the replies guys really appreciate it
   
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Re: My mum going through my phone? - April 22nd 2016, 12:12 AM

I think you need to talk to your mom about her invading your privacy. Paying for your phone doesn't give her the right to say that you can't have anything private. That would be like saying that she paid for the Internet so therefore she should get to use your Facebook. What if you bought your own lap top but used her Internet? Does that still give her the right? When you start to get into such things? It complicates it. Let's look at government; does government have the right to violate our privacy because they provide social services? That's a horrible example, but let's say they'll use that info to manipulate or harm instead of help. Wrong right?

I think sometimes parents read through their kids stuff because their protective and scared for their kids safety. Totally valid. But also not valid in the sense that your mom is making it clear she doesn't trust you and that makes it harder for you guys to have an open relationship. Right? But it's hard for parents not to go overboard though when they think their kids are hiding stuff.

What would be best is to just talk to your mom about what is worrying her, and tell her honestly what you do and don't do and let her know she has nothing to worry about. Tell her that if she wants to know something you'd rather she just asks you instead of trying to go behind your back because you'd rather she trust you to tell her the truth.

Also, shorten how long it takes for your phone to turn off.




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