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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Samuel Offline
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How close is toooo close? - April 29th 2016, 02:23 PM

Me and my brother are very tight. We do everything together, we're only a few months apart in age, have mostly all the same friends, like the same sports, games, pretty much everything. We share a bedroom, and many days each other's clothes, were the same size. We truly live each other, yes we're that close we can and do say that to each other. We honestly can't see each other not together.

Mom sometimes wants us to not be so close, and we really don't want to do that, we like being together, always, she thinks we're getting to close. We think she feels this way because a few times in the morning when she wakes us up, she finds us in the same bed with each other. We enjoy that closeness, and like it. And we tell mom that if her seeing us like that bothers her then may e she should knock on the door and not just walk in the room in the morning.

So is this toooo close?

We feel good about it and what we do, and don't like feeling like we're being judged for it.
   
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Re: How close is toooo close? - April 29th 2016, 03:52 PM

My mom and I are pretty close. I'm home with her a lot because of my schooling and we're more like best friends before we're mother and daughter. I think it is nice that you and your brother have that closeness because that's not something everyone has and I think having your brother as a support can help. As long as you and your brother are happy and can function without each other as needed, I don't see your relationship as too close. However, it might help to discuss how you feel with your mom and hear her side as to why she feels differently.


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Re: How close is toooo close? - April 29th 2016, 05:13 PM

I think it's a very special thing to be close to a sibling (or family member). Not all siblings get along. I'm personally also close to my siblings because we have been through a lot together. We look out for each other first and foremost, always have each other's backs, and actually enjoy spending time together. It is something that we've become especially proud of and learnt to appreciate a lot more over the years. So I definitely agree that you don't have to worry about being too close to your brother as long as your relationship with him remains healthy and positive.



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Re: How close is toooo close? - April 29th 2016, 11:19 PM

I think it's great to have a close relationship with a sibling. They're basically your first friend, even though that meme out there says cousins are actually your first friends.

However, let's take a step back because I notice something you said in your post. You share a bed with your brother, and you are 13. I shopped sharing a bed with my sister when I was four and she was seven because... well, it's just not normal when a child begins the sexual developments that ultimately leads to puberty whether you're a guy or girl.

I think that is what your mum is worried about. I'm sure she, like all parents, wants her children to get along and such. But no parent ever wants to hear their children are in a relationship together. It makes them feel like a failure, like they did something wrong raising their children.

I'm not saying you and your brother are doing anything wrong! And I'm certainly not saying to turn cold on him and cut him off completely. I think the rational thing to do is sit down, all three of you, and discuss this. Maybe this would be a good opportunity to talk about familial relationships and when it can turn inappropriate, such as incestuous.

I'm glad you stepped forward and reached out to us. I don't think a lot of people would like to admit they share a bed with a sibling at 13.
   
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Re: How close is toooo close? - April 30th 2016, 03:02 AM

Weird thing is, if sisters did this, nobody would bat an eye. And I'm not gonna lie, I thought this was weird at first until I put it in that context.


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Re: How close is toooo close? - April 30th 2016, 03:30 AM

Was going to say I shared a bed with my sister for a long time simply because we were on tight on space. Well my sister started complaining because im just an overall annoying person to share a bed with, and don't have such peaceful sleeps.

I also share my bedroom with my father and that's challenging because we argue, have tension and overall a strained relationship.

That said, you guys enjoy sharing a bed and are close so I personally don't see a problem. Sharing a bed isn't sexual on its own. But I see how your mother would be concerned. Not just because of incest but the fact that youre two separate individuals and having a certain space to distinguish where your brother ends and you begin, is important. So you can live interdependently but not dependently. I agree with what's been said about hearing her out and the three of you talking.
But honestly I find it great the two of you are close.
   
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Re: How close is toooo close? - April 30th 2016, 03:42 AM

I agree with what was said right above me. Sharing a bed in itself isn't necessarily sexual but I can see why your mom is concerned. While it is great that you and your brother have a good relationship, it is important for the two of you to be able to live independently as well because attachment could become an issue.


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Re: How close is toooo close? - April 30th 2016, 04:02 AM

Thanks everyone, it all sounds like really good advise. But @Lights I do uderstand what you mean it being weird. I giess but it doesn't to us. But I do see the concern. I'm not going to turn this into an incest thread. But tbh I think there is some normal age "appropriate" things I guess is the only way to put it that has happened, but nothing more than any other 2 best friends might do at our age.

@Lotus Eater, I guess that's where healthy and positive come in.

No it's not really a sexual thing, and I do see how it's viewed as weird as it seems ok for girls to the same but not boys.

But in the end does it really matter, if we're both happy and comfortable enough then why should it matter? We are able to function independently, so it's not like we "need" each other, it's more how it is or preference I guess and how hi hs work out because we have so many common interests.

I do appreciate the feedback, open for more to. It's just mom makes this into a bigger deal than we think it should be. But also don't think mom need to know all about our personal things between us....if that doesn't sound to weird...
   
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Re: How close is toooo close? - April 30th 2016, 05:15 AM

Hi there!

I can see why your Mum is concerned with regards to you and your brother sleeping in the same bed.

But I think it's a great that you and your brother have a closeness!


   
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Re: How close is toooo close? - April 30th 2016, 05:38 PM

I think your mom is just concerned for you and your brother and she wants you both to be happy and healthy. I know it seems like she's making this into a big deal, but she just wants to help you.

It doesn't seem weird. There are things my brother and I keep to ourselves, like inside jokes or other things. Parents don't have to know everything.


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