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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Bewiggedroom43 Offline
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Name: Kieran
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Don't Know How to Make Friends - May 18th 2016, 05:45 PM

Hi, my name is Kieran.
For as long as I can remember I've avoided unnecessary interactions with people. (Don't have especially good memory though...)
Recently I've actually felt like I should invest in friendships. I've got a year of education and then I have no idea where I'll end up. I want to be able to confidently say, I won't be alone.
Problem is, I don't know how to make friends. Everyone at school as their own friend groups and have been in them for years. For me to suddenly try and involve myself would be far from ordinary.
I was wondering if anyone had any ideas as to how I might find even one person that will accept me.

Some Issues
  • Poor communication skills
  • lack of interests that I am aware of
  • LAZY
   
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cynefin Offline
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Re: Don't Know How to Make Friends - May 18th 2016, 08:30 PM

You listed one of your bullet points as being lazy or unmotivated so maybe you can try to work up some motivation first. You said you want friends because you don't want to be alone. Are there any other reasons? What do you plan to do with your new friends once you've made them? Maybe you can write these down so you can look at them if you lose motivation along the way.

It is very hard to make friends once people have been in their friend groups for years. I was with people in school since I was younger and we knew each other well, but I struggled with this because I moved around a lot after that. One thing I did was volunteer both inside and outside of school. This allowed me to meet more people, and to get out, and I enjoyed that. Maybe you can try volunteering, or looking into clubs, or even working to get out and meet new people with similar interests.

One thing about making friends and social skills you can try is not to over analyze what you're going to say. You can have a short list of things you want to say or topics you want to use, but thinking about it too much will make you anxious and you'll focus on what to say instead of the person themselves. Try to be spontaneous and get yourself out of your comfort zone and see where that takes you.

You said you don't have many interests and I think that might make you more flexible when you're looking for friends. You can try new hobbies and new things along the way and see what you like and dislike.


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Re: Don't Know How to Make Friends - May 19th 2016, 01:00 AM

i will be your friend! i go through the same exact thing i grew with social anxiety and extreme shyness which i have started to grow out of over the years. it is really hard still to make friends but you just have to go out and be confident and strike up conversations or go out more
   
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Re: Don't Know How to Make Friends - May 19th 2016, 07:19 AM

Hey! We are all friends here right?
   
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Re: Don't Know How to Make Friends - May 19th 2016, 07:26 AM

I saw you lived in England and wondered if you'd heard about NCS. It's a great way to meet new people and do a bunch of activities in the summer. I would really recommend it, everyone will be in the same position as you. Check it out online, it's so worthwhile!


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Bewiggedroom43 Offline
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Re: Don't Know How to Make Friends - May 19th 2016, 03:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pan221 View Post
I saw you lived in England and wondered if you'd heard about NCS. It's a great way to meet new people and do a bunch of activities in the summer. I would really recommend it, everyone will be in the same position as you. Check it out online, it's so worthwhile!
NCS was offered to me last year at school. I wasn't interested at the time but would have if I could make the choice again. Apparently it was good but I didn't feel comfortable being with strangers for three weeks even with weekends at home.

Not meaning to sound desperate, I will happily take anyone on as a friend.
There is no interview process with me, you learn on the job.
   
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