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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Name: Sarah
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Unhappy I Feel Helpless and Weak. - May 22nd 2009, 03:54 AM

For the past three years, my family has been a complete wreck. My mom is addicted to cigarettes and prescription medication, my brother is slowly going insane, and my dad often turns into a monster...someone I don't know at all.

While the other two bother me a lot, my dad effects me the most. My dad gets angry about the smallest things. The other day the chair wasn't working for him and he starting pulling on the leg-rest and ended up breaking a whole half of the chair so it was lop-sided. He yells and takes his anger out on inanimate objects, and even though he has never dared to harm my mother, my brother or I, it still scares me to death when he gets angry.

I feel so helpless and weak when he gets angry, I can't stop him. I'll cry and scream, "DAD! DAD!" but he'll still break things and yell...

I remember I stood up to him at once and I started screaming at him, and he actually quieted and I ran out of the house [it was midnight] and I slept over at a friend's house because I couldn't take it anymore. I just wish I could muster up the courage to stop him, because I know damned well no one else will.

But the thing is - I love my dad. He helps me with all of my problems and actually understands me as a person. He's a really funny guy and he knows me better than anyone on the planet. But when he gets angry...he turns into someone that's not himself. I get really worried and I'm not sure what to do. He's never hurt any of us and he never will, I know he loves us too much. He just gets angry and likes to take his anger out on us - verbally.

I also remember another time when he broke a glass vase and said, "You better get out here and clean this with a fucking smile on your face!" I couldn't stop crying, but I did as he said.

I love my dad so much, I don't want to call the police on him or do anything that may harm his reputation or get him thrown in jail. He doesn't deserve that. He's going through a lot and it's hard for him to watch the love of his life become absolutely miserable and abuse prescription medications...

But I just don't want to feel helpless anymore. I want to know what to do when he gets angry to prevent this from happening.


"It came from a small paragraph in a paper which means you kill yourself and you make a big old sacrifice and try to get your revenge. That all you're gonna end up with is a paragraph in a newspaper. Sixty-three degrees and cloudy in a suburban neighborhood. The world goes on and you're gone. The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself. Be stronger than those people. And then you can come back." ~ Eddie Vedder
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Re: I Feel Helpless and Weak. - May 23rd 2009, 06:45 PM

I can relate with the part about your Dad. My Dad's totally cool, but then he just kind of loses it every now and then, but there's not much to be done, because obviously it's not something that the police could help with, and I don't want him in any extra trouble.

I understand that it can be stressful, but you sound like a pretty reasonable person, and like you're dealing with this pretty well. You're Dad also sounds pretty reasonable, which, TRUST ME, will make this easier. Try talking to him about his outbursts (when he's not angry), explain to him that they bother you, and try to get him to go into counselling or just figure out some way to lower his stress level together. And if it seems like the right time, try talking to him about your mom and brother, as well.

Good luck to you with all of this, and I hope it all works out!
   
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Re: I Feel Helpless and Weak. - May 23rd 2009, 08:27 PM

Hiya Sarah

Im sorry to hear what your going through. I know it must be difficult.

For the past three years, my family has been a complete wreck. My mom is addicted to cigarettes and prescription medication, my brother is slowly going insane, and my dad often turns into a monster...someone I don't know at all.


I can completely understand where you are coming from, my family is a wreck as well. My mum is stressed, my brother, well, I cant really say, & my dad has OCD & a raging temper. What Im trying to say as, your not alone with family troubles, it may be different, but its still happening.

While the other two bother me a lot, my dad effects me the most. My dad gets angry about the smallest things. The other day the chair wasn't working for him and he starting pulling on the leg-rest and ended up breaking a whole half of the chair so it was lop-sided. He yells and takes his anger out on inanimate objects, and even though he has never dared to harm my mother, my brother or I, it still scares me to death when he gets angry.

My dad is the same, except he is addicted to football, hes in his 50's & he still thinks playing football & kicking people down is funny. He looks good for his age though. But anyway....back on topic...My dad shouts because there is a crumb on the carpet, or the papers aren't in the correct order. It scares me too. You are definatly not the only one with father troubles, so anytime you need to talk, just PM me.

I feel so helpless and weak when he gets angry, I can't stop him. I'll cry and scream, "DAD! DAD!" but he'll still break things and yell...

Its not uncommon to feel helpless, & its hard knowing you cant stop. But dont blame yourself, because nothing is your fault.

I remember I stood up to him at once and I started screaming at him, and he actually quieted and I ran out of the house [it was midnight] and I slept over at a friend's house because I couldn't take it anymore. I just wish I could muster up the courage to stop him, because I know damned well no one else will.

Once again I did the same, I threw something at him, to stop him throwing something else, & I ran out. Dont blame yourself, because its not your issue to get the courage to stop him. He is the adult, he should stop himself.

But the thing is - I love my dad. He helps me with all of my problems and actually understands me as a person. He's a really funny guy and he knows me better than anyone on the planet. But when he gets angry...he turns into someone that's not himself. I get really worried and I'm not sure what to do. He's never hurt any of us and he never will, I know he loves us too much. He just gets angry and likes to take his anger out on us - verbally.
I also remember another time when he broke a glass vase and said, "You better get out here and clean this with a fucking smile on your face!" I couldn't stop crying, but I did as he said.

Have you tried anger management sessions, or family therapy? Because you dad loves you, he has the problem, not you.


I love my dad so much, I don't want to call the police on him or do anything that may harm his reputation or get him thrown in jail. He doesn't deserve that. He's going through a lot and it's hard for him to watch the love of his life become absolutely miserable and abuse prescription medications...

Like I said, although things seem like they will never end, the truth is, things get better with age & the older you get, the more mature your dad will get. Once more, I think, just like me, you need family therapy. I may sound harsh, but its no loss.

But I just don't want to feel helpless anymore. I want to know what to do when he gets angry to prevent this from happening.

Tell him you love him but are scared of him. Tell him you will always be there, but not when he gets angry. He needs to control his anger & its not fair he takes it out on you.

PM me if you need to talk, because my father is the same.

Jamie
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