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DisneyGirl Offline
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Worried my friend will hate me? - March 1st 2017, 11:52 PM

Hey guys. I have this friend who I met awhile back. I know that she struggles with anxiety and depression. Almost a week ago is the last I've heard from her. She sent me a pic and I could tell she was crying and told me she was having a mental breakdown. I asked her what was wrong and she didn't respond. The next day she wasn't at school. I texted her and asked what was going on and she didn't reply to that either. We're always texting and hanging out and it's really unlike her to not have her phone on her. A few days later when she still didn't show up I was concerned and mentioned it to one of my teachers, my other friend hasn't heard from her either. My teacher decided to check with the guidance office and tell them what I said so we could make sure she was okay. Today my teacher told me that they got ahold of her mother and that she's okay. I was relieved and asked where she was but she told me she can't tell me and I would have to speak with the vice principal who told her that to get any more info. I feel like my friend or her mom is going to be mad at me now since the school apparently got concerned too. I was just honestly worried about her but I feel like she's going to hate me. Was I wrong for telling?
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Re: Worried my friend will hate me? - March 2nd 2017, 01:12 AM

I don't think you were wrong at all, you had a legitimate concern about your friend and wanted to make sure that she was okay, and that shows that you care. I hope that she will understand.
If she is upset, try not to take it personally. It sounds like she is going through a very hard time and it is understandable that she might feel that it's none of the school's business, but they (and you) got involved in the interest of her well-being and safety and hopefully she will see that, at least in the long term.
She wouldn't have any reason to hate you.
All the best to you and her!

P.S. If she was comfortable telling you even a little bit about what she was going through, chances are she trusts you

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Re: Worried my friend will hate me? - March 2nd 2017, 07:11 AM

I suggest go talk with your friend's mother. Your friend might be in the hospital, and a visit from you might be helpful. School people often have legal "confidentiality" rules preventing them from telling you these details.

Her mother may not know of you, or doesn't know you would be a good person to have come visit. Your friend might be too depressed to ask for you, she may not be thinking clearly, or doesn't know how to contact you.

A brief visit may be very therapeutic for her. You don't have to "fix" anything. She just needs to know you care, and that you still accept her, even if she has a depression and/or anxiety (or the anxiety may be a byproduct of the depression). She may be embarrassed to admit she's in the hospital, or too depressed to come to school. The teachers saying she's "fine" is code that means she's still alive. (Here "fine" is a relative term. Obviously she isn't "fine" or she would be in school.) "Fine" may also mean she's getting the help she needs (like she's in the hospital).

Even if you don't visit her, she'll eventually need you when she returns. She just needs someone who accepts her, flaws and all, illness and all; someone who acknowledges her problems (that alone helps reduce the sting of them) and conveys that it's OK to have problems (you don't have to fix them. We don't fix problems; instead, we make it OK to have problems.)

(Her mother may be very grateful for you, as you being in the same age range as her daughter, you are able to connect with her daughter on a friend-to-friend level which no adult can match.)

Blessings! Thank you for caring about her!
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Re: Worried my friend will hate me? - March 2nd 2017, 01:46 PM

You weren't wrong to tell the school about this. You knew something was different with your friend based on lack of communication, and you told a teacher about it. You said something because you were worried and you care about your friend and there is nothing wrong about that. I am glad your friend has you.

When it came to mental health when I was in school, you could report things anonymously. You might be able to ask your teacher or speak to the principal and ask if you were kept anonymous. In the future, should you want to report things, you can ask for your identity to be kept out of it.

Perhaps your concern brought your friend's struggles to the surface with her mom. If she wasn't already receiving help, she could be getting help now. I know it's hard, but try not to beat yourself up over this. There's no way to control your friend's reaction and you might not know how she feels about this for a while.

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Re: Worried my friend will hate me? - March 2nd 2017, 08:17 PM

you did the right thing clearly she has some serious issues and it is great you want to look out for her
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Re: Worried my friend will hate me? - March 2nd 2017, 08:57 PM

Hi there!

You definitely aren't wrong for telling. Given the fact that the last time you talked to her she had been crying, and then stopped responding to not only your texts, but her other friends' texts as well; you had every reason to be genuinely concerned.

As Cassado mentioned, is there an option to keep your name anonymous when you report? There are other students and teachers that could have been concerned with her not showing up to school that could have checked into where she is and how she is doing. Her or her mom may not know who did. Even if they do know, I don't see why they'd be mad at you, especially her mom. Her mom is likely very happy her daughter has such a good friend looking out for her.

Thank you for speaking up! Even though your friend was okay which I am thankful for, you never know when speaking up may prevent a person from slipping deeper into a certain mindset in which they feel there's no hope. Eventually it shows them people care a lot and miss them, noticing they aren't around. Anytime you have a concern like this, I believe the best thing to do is to reach out to a trusted adult to ensure the person you're worried about is okay and has people looking out for them.

You did the right thing. I hope your friend is doing better now. Take care and remember we're always here if you need anything.
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Re: Worried my friend will hate me? - March 5th 2017, 06:01 PM

Hey! I don't think you were wrong in telling the guidance counselor about your concerns. You had valid reasons and reached out to the right people. You did nothing wrong and if your friend gets mad, remember, it is not your fault! You were just doing what any friend, or decent human being, would do for someone that's struggling.
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