TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
sweetangel12151993's Avatar
 
Age: 24

Posts: 14
Join Date: March 22nd 2015

Father - March 30th 2017, 06:23 AM

So I'm not sure where to start with this post but I guess I should start by saying i havent spoken to or seen my father in over 10 years. my father has done a lot of horrible things throughout my life. That being said one of those horrible things was sexually abusing me for 6 years as a child which messed me up for a long time, but I've finally accepted it as my past and forgiven him for it. My forgiving him wasn't because I think he deserves to be forgiven or that what he did wasn't wrong, it was for me so I could let go of the anger before I went too far in my destructive behavior and killed myself.

Lately part of me has wanted to reach out to him and try talking to him now that I'm in a better place as a person, but the other part of me can't because it feels like by talking to him I would be betraying my mom. I feel like I have to choose between my parents which is an impossible choice. I know I wouldn't be betraying her since he is my father but every time I start to reach out to him I feel like I am and stop myself. He will always be my father so it's not like I can just forget about him. I know that's what my mom would want meveryone to do but I can't he will always be a part of me.

I guess I just don't know how to get rid of that feeling that I'll betray my mom by talking to him or if I should even try reaching out to him. Any advice?

Last edited by sweetangel12151993; March 30th 2017 at 10:42 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
Hello, autumn.

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: a pumpkin patch

Posts: 9,269
Blog Entries: 1383
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Father - March 30th 2017, 02:55 PM

I know forgiving your father for what he did to you must have been hard, but I am sure it took a lot of strength as well. I hope doing so helped you with your anger and the other things you were experiencing.

You're right in that your dad will always be your father and you can't just forget about him. If you want to reach out to him now that you are in a better place, you can. Should you decide to reach out to him, I think you'd benefit from creating a safety plan. Sometimes seeing an abuser can be triggering and knowing what to do if you get triggered may help keep you safer.

You wouldn't be betraying your mom. Your mom doesn't have to talk to your dad if she doesn't want to. You have different ties to him than she does and even though your mom is important, you're important, too. You have to do what is best for you; if seeing your dad again is what you think is best, then your mom can't stop you.

Ultimately, whether or not you contact your dad is completely up to you. Maybe you can sit down and write a list of advantages and disadvantages and decide what to do from there. I hope you come to a decision that you feel is best.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016


Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower.
Autumn nurtures my soul.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Romaness Offline
esperando las calaveras
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
Romaness's Avatar
 
Name: Sue
Gender: Female

Posts: 646
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: March 5th 2017

Re: Father - March 30th 2017, 07:34 PM

Hi,
just as Cassado mentioned, it couldn't have been easy to forgive your father and you achieved something very important for yourself by doing that.
I think that overally you should ponder contacting your father itself. What I mean is that the best option in my opinion is considering whether you yourself would like to see him. This decision is crucial - your feelings and probably behaviour as well will depend on it. It's you that considers contacting your father and it is important that you know you'd like to do so.
When it comes down to you mother, I don't think you should take her into consideration in this particular matter. She doesn't have to meet your father - and you're deciding only for yourself.
I hope I helped a tiny bit. Don't hesitate to message me anytime if you ever feel like it.
Take care!
Sue


   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
father

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.