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oceaneyes95 Offline
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Name: Lillian (Lilli)
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Location: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

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What can I do?? Help! - May 25th 2017, 04:30 PM

I was always taught in church that it takes a vilage to raise a child. But, there have been so many times I didn't have a vilage to raise mine with me. It takes a MOTHER to raise a child, and a mother alone. I can't tell you how much I envy those mama's who have someone who wants to watch their little ones for even an emergancy situation without throwing it in their face, or holding it against them later. I remember when I was pregnant with Grayson, and Rick was at work. I was home alone with Eli, and I was starting to have seizures. I knew it was coming fast, and I recognized the feeling. I layed on the bed, and woke up in sweat. Eli was crying so I held him, and turned my head to the left to throw up while comforting Eli I called Rick with vomit pouring out, and Eli holding tight. I told him to come home, and that I was having more seizures. He did, but we had nobody to come wait with me until he arrived. I even got a lecture from some of his family about how this is motherhood, and simply got told to suck it up. Another time I fell with Eli down the front porch steps. It was raining, and I was wearing junky sandals. My feet were swollen from the pregnancy. I heard a loud pop from my ankle, and it bruised, and swelled even more. I had some of Ricks family drive me, and Eli to the nearest E.R. The lady at the front desk told me it would be a three hour wait for x-rays. I was limping around trying to catch Eli in the waiting room while the person who drove griped about having to "take on responsibility that wasn't theirs". So, we left. I'm a wimp, but I handled my injured ankle like a trooper for weeks after I had Grayson. We haven't really had a babysitter before. I see all my "mom friends" posting photos, and status updates about their fun date nights with their husbands, or their girls night out, and I just know if that were me I would be criticized just for getting a babysitter to go out even for a few hours. Every time we've moved, every time we had errands to run, and a grocery list in my purse, every time we've been sick, every time things were just too much. We have our babies with us, and it still makes me feel like it isn't enough. Can I even begin to tell you junk my kids eat because I'm not a cook? I've been griped at for I don't know how long for not making home cooked meals from scratch. But, as long as kids eat why does it matter? I understand the importance of healthy food for kids. I know I'm doing it wrong, and that's okay with me. When Eli says "eat, eat, eat" I know he doesn't care if I take an hour preparing a 5 star meal, or run somthing though the microwave. Just the fact that mommy feeds him is enough for him. All these negative memories of motherhood just keep flooding me at this moment, and it isn't even because of motherhood itself. It's the negativity from others. There have been plenty of times I've broken down sobbing because Eli wouldn't stop crying, and screaming. He was colicy, and he had acid reflex. But, it was thrown in my face that I had no right to whine because I chose to be a mother, and im the one who had a baby. I see so many moms on Facebook asking for advice on obstacles they have with their babies, but any time I ask for advice it has basically been made clear to me that if I'm that ignorant that I don't know what to do with my baby, then I shouldn't be a mother. I've been called out on not having a bottle made by time the baby awoke. Cleaning Eli's ears with an adult q-tip, and not the baby ones. Feeding Grayson in a high chair. Eating before the kids while they play instead of making them eat first. You name it, i've more than likely been griped at for it at some point by someone I know. I've wanted to get a job since Eli was born, and I recently have in the past few months. But, I only work 4 hour shifts because Rick works through the day, and we just depend on each other to watch the kids. I'm blessed that I even get those 4 hours because there for a while anytime I even talked about going to work I got a lecture from all ends about how wrong it is to have a babysitter or even daycare watch my baby while I worked through the day. Because it was my job as the mother to care for him, and nobody elses. Even when we were financially at rock bottom. A lot of people wonder why I never post any pictures of the boys, or post anything about them. That's simply because any time I ever do sombody has somthing negative to say about what their wearing, or doing, or somthing. So, I refrain from putting a lot about them online. I've also been put down for that too! Oh, Good Lord! The list could go on! I've even been told that because im so skinny my baby doesn't recognize me as a mother, but thinks im another child. I tried to take it as a compliment, although it obviously wasn't. I've recently started scrapbooking. I'm printing out all the family pictures, and doing creative things with them. I recently did both baby books because I never got to do them before with all the moving, and was told that makes me a bad mother because it shows "lack of interest". Now Eli is 2 & a half, and I have been looking into Pre-Schools. But, that's apparently considered "child abandonment" to send my child to school instead of him being home with me. Why? Because my family said. That's why. But you want to know MY question? Why is everybody questioning what Im doing wrong when I keep to myself so much! All I want is to left alone by anybody who's presence brings me no positivity. I care way to much about what others think. What can I say, im a pushover. WHAT AM I NOT DOING WRONG?
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Nonoka Offline
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Name: Nonoka
Age: 20
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Location: Canada

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Re: What can I do?? Help! - May 26th 2017, 02:56 AM

It doesn't sound to me like you are doing anything wrong. Everyone has their own way of doing things, as long as your kids are happy and healthy you​ should be proud of the job your doing. I know it's a million times easier said then done but, try not to let other people's rude comments and unwanted opinions bother you, they are your kids and not theirs. I'm sorry to see that you have so much negativity from other people in your life. You are not alone though, every mother deals with the same things to some extent.
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