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Calaer Offline
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Learning how to move on. - June 22nd 2017, 04:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Since I was little, my birth mother was just shit. She choose drugs and men over us, she abused us, she was never really there for us, and only wanted us around when she could collect money because of us. (Just a bit of background super fast)

As I got older, I realized more and more that T (my birth mom) didn't care about me. I started to get really tired of her shit, and just wanted to be left alone when it came to her. I don't want her around my husband or my daughter, and I'm quite content never seeing her again, now with that being said, it's been harder said than done. While I do not contact her for any reason, I don't have her on any social media platform, nor do I go around her (she lives in the next city over from me) She is always around my town! She comes up here to go to our local super market, but the funny thing is, she has the SAME SUPER MARKET not even five minutes from her home. Not only that, but she tries to use the excuse that her 'family' is in town and she wants to see them. Now it is true that her family lives in town, but they HATE her and NEVER want to spend time with her. Even her own mother dreads it. (My Mamaw)

Now I do help take care of my Mamaw. She doesn't drive, but my grandfather passed away a few years back, and none of her children really help her do anything. I make her doctor's appointments, as well as take her to them, take her to the store when she needs to go, and I'm just there when she needs/wants to chat and things. That being said, everytime T goes around her, she ends up crying her eyes out because of the way T treats her. It's heart breaking.

Anyway, back to the point, T ends up following me in a way, around, and if we are in the same place at the same time, she treats me like crap. She will throw things at me and pretend it isn't her, call out mean and hurtful things directed towards me, tell people that I don't even know that I'm a piece of crap. Once I was in a checkout line at the super market, there was a lady behind me, and then T ended up behind her. The entire time, T was talking to that lady, loud enough for me to hear mind you, and was telling her that she knew me, and that I was abusive to my daughter and husband, and that I was a horrible person, that I tried to kill her before, and that my entire family hates me. Needless to say I was a sobbing mess when I walked out of there.

I'm very socially anxious so I hate being in public anyway, but it makes it worse when she is doing this. T has also drove by my house and thrown trash in my hard, and nails in my driveway. We've never caught her on camera and she always says she is somewhere else, and her friends take up for her, so nothing can be done legally. I refuse to walk around with a camera in my hands 24/7 waiting for a moment. Plus, with Ava, that would be nearly impossible.

I also want to make it clear that while I don't fear for my physical safety (T is way smaller than me in every way, I don't see her trying anything physical, because while she is pretty dumb, I don't think she is that dumb, and not just that, but I do have other means of protecting myself if it came to that.) Anyway, I do consider this emotional abuse, and I just don't know what to do. I've tried contacting the police, and they are of no help. I could try and get a lawyer, but it's so costly and I'm not so sure we can afford that.

I'm not really sure what to do, and it's starting to get to me. I just started going out more, and hanging out with friends, and now I'm afraid to leave my house again, and I feel like all the progress I've made with my social anxiety has resorted back to square one. I feel so defeated, and it's even worse when Jordan isn't around. He is currently on a trip for work, and I've not left my house really since. I've just kinda been home doing nothing, which doesn't really bother me, as I love being home, but if I wanted to get out and hangout with my friends, I wouldn't be able to thanks to her.

Anyway, Just not sure how to handle this, or what to do. I've been avoiding T and her children for awhile now, but it never really seems to help. They keep coming around and bothering me. I don't even give them a reaction when they do something, just so they know that it doesn't bother me. I'm just not sure what else to do.

Thanks for letting me rant this out. (Also, I labeled this as triggering just in case the bullying aspect of this could trigger someone. I left out a lot of details about the bullying in hopes that it wouldn't, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.)


"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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cynefin Offline
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Re: Learning how to move on. - June 27th 2017, 11:20 PM

Hey,

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. It sounds like it is incredibly difficult especially since you've done a lot of work on yourself and you feel like T has tampered with your progress.

You said T frequently visits places around your town. Do you think you could do things (e.g. grocery shopping and other errands) in places in a different direction? It may take longer to drive there but your mental health is well worth a few extra minutes.

You had mentioned that T talks to other people about you, in front of you, such as with the situation in the supermarket. Know that more is true about her and the people who believe her than with you. It must be hard to deal with that, but anyone who believes her clearly isn't worth your time.

You said you can't sit around with a camera all the time, given that you are busy taking care of your daughter. However, it may be worth putting one outside and looking at the footage every so often (like once a week). If you aren't interested in a real camera, you can get an intricate fake one in an attempt to scare her off.

In the long run, is moving an option for you or is it something you'd be okay with considering? Perhaps you could consider moving a few towns or even a few states away eventually so you're completely free of the unhealthy people in your life.


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