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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I'm still having trouble with my Dad - July 3rd 2017, 06:24 AM

It's been a little over a month since I first had dinner at my parents house for the first time in over a year. After getting pregnant my dad had stopped talking to me and just over a month ago my Mom was finally able to convince him to let her have me and my daughter over for dinner. I was expecting him yell at me like he did when he kicked me out and for us to argue but instead he barely paid any attention to me and hardly spoke a word to me. Since then we go over for dinner once a week and it's the same thing everytime he still won't talk to me. Should I consider it a step forward that he now let's me come home once a week and just give it more time to see if he will start talking to me or is he only putting up with me coming over for my Mom's sake I wonder. I want to bring all this up with him myself and find out what he's thinking but I'm too scared to be the first one to say something because last time he talked to me he was angrier then I've ever seen anyone and I thought he hated me and I'm still not so sure that he doesn't. On the plus side he's nice to my daughter he will smile at her and talk to her and hold her. I had thought that maybe once he could see that I'm doing my best to raise her the fact that he likes her that he would move past being mad at me but I guess not
   
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Re: I'm still having trouble with my Dad - July 4th 2017, 06:25 AM

All parents respond differently when they find out their child is going to be a teen parent. My dad got quite mad at my brother when he found out that his girlfriend was pregnant but my dad knew things would be better for my brother if he supported him. However, my dad and my mom were teen parents so I think that they had first hand experience and realized that being a teen parent is so much easier when you have support from family.

It seems like it might be a step in the right direction. Your dad is now asking you over for dinner and before that he wouldn't really acknowledge you. I would say to keep doing what you are doing and see how it progresses. In the grand scheme of things, a month really isn't a long time for him to adjust to it all when it is likely he chose to ignore it all while you were pregnant.

I would say that if things don't change a bit longer down the line you should probably consider talking to him about it.

I think the biggest issue parents have with their teens getting pregnant is they feel that the teen is going to struggle a lot and not have a good life. Which, teen parents do tend to struggle more than people who wait, but there are teen parents who end up being quite successful in life. If your dad's anger is due more to a religious thing...then him coming to terms with it might take longer but if its because he's angry and worried you won't have a good life...he might, slowly, come around as things start to change and as he gets to see how well you are supporting your child.

I don't, personally, agree with the way your dad has chose to treat this situation but something I've learned growing up is that parents are people to and they do make mistakes with their kids. Parents aren't ever given a handbook on how to parent so they are bound to make mistakes. Hopefully with time your dad will come to realize that what he is doing isn't going to help you be successful and he will change his behavior.


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Re: I'm still having trouble with my Dad - July 4th 2017, 03:21 PM

My Dad is really religious, Church every Sunday. He's always been pretty serious about the no sex before marriage and the only thing my parents taught me about sex was abstinence and no other option. I've never felt the same way about religion as he does. Then in school I learned about all the other stuff and figured with protection I won't get pregnant and my dad will never find out. Until the one time we didn't have protection and my boyfriend suggested the pull out method saying if he pulls out before the end it works just as well as a condom well it was harder to do then he thought. Anyways when I told my Dad I was pregnant he went crazy and got so angry I'd never really seen him anywhere close to that angry and he basically told me I'm going to hell and that I'm not his daughter anymore so get out. After a year and a half I was starting to think that is go my whole life without never seeing him again. I don't blame him for being mad at me it was a stupid thing I did but I didn't think he would hate me. I'm just not sure I think maybe he still doesn't forgive me and he's only letting us come over for my mom's sake and he's nice to my daughter because she's not to blame. Before all this my Dad and I got along fine and I really miss that a lot.
   
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Re: I'm still having trouble with my Dad - July 5th 2017, 10:44 PM

Hey there,

I know this might not be the answer you want to hear, but these things can take time. Regardless of religious beliefs or general feelings about sex before marriage, finding out that your child is going to be a teen parent can be difficult for some parents to process. Everyone handles things in different ways and at different times, which could explain why your dad has been slower to come around than your mom has.

If you're nervous to be the one to initiate a conversation with your dad, perhaps you could talk to your mom about the way that you're feeling. Let her know that you miss your dad and the relationship that you had with him. If you're comfortable doing this, you can also ask her if she would be willing to help you start a conversation with your dad. Perhaps you could even have her present during the conversation to mediate if it seems like things are heading towards an argument.

The fact that he's making an effort with your daughter really is a positive step. It might not happen as fast as you'd like, but I'm sure he'll come around in time.

Take care,
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Re: I'm still having trouble with my Dad - July 5th 2017, 11:13 PM

Thanks for your replies, I have talked to my Mom about it which is the reason why we are able to go over there and visit once a week. She did the best she could to convince him without taking sides. I do feel like we'll get there one day and I'm trying not to be impatient. Its just really awkward for me everytime when we go over when he won't talk to me and I don't know what he's thinking. I mean I'll make conversation with him and my mom and he won't say anything or do anything to show me if he's listening or not then he'll go and say something to my mom like as though I hadn't just said something. It's really frustrating.
   
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Re: I'm still having trouble with my Dad - July 6th 2017, 05:42 AM

he obviously blames you and not your daughter so is warm to her and cold to you since you let him down severely. it is a good idea that yoi go once a week as over time i think he will accept his sinful daughter. you probably will never be as close as you were before he found out you were pregnant.

you should dress as conservative as possible when visiting him and try to talk to him if possible. your daughter is the conduit to a slightly improved relationship with your father. don't expect any huge changes in his feelings about you in the future.
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Re: I'm still having trouble with my Dad - July 18th 2017, 09:07 AM

I do think that he is probably bearing a grudge still, but when it comes down to it.. you are his daughter, and he is your father.. and no matter what .. he loves you. Keep that in mind and maybe things will improve after a while.


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