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No friends phobia... - May 24th 2009, 04:32 PM

I have this strange, depressing, nagging sensation lately that I have no friends. I just finished my first year at a four-year college and my concern is that I don't have any friends there, but sometimes, when I get really depressed, I begin having the sensation that I don't have any friends at all.

Weird thing is, I have several good friends, especially here at home. We don't live very close by, and not a lot of young people my age live near me, but we still do get to hang out quite a bit and we keep in close touch. I have a boyfriend here, who also goes to the same college as me. I have a few friends in college, one of whom went to high school with me and was my room mate for the first year, and who I love very much. We hang out a lot here and back home. I guess I would have liked to branch out more, but I don't remember having a lot more friends in high school, and I felt just fine in high school. Yet, I still feel like I don't have enough friends right now. I mean, I figure it will take time to make some tried and true friends in college, as I've only been there for a year so far. And, some people are just naturally more social than others. I'm even contemplating joining a sorority in order to make friends next year...to guarantee a feeling of inclusion.

Sometimes I get really depressed over it. Every tiny little let down (eg. someone "ignoring" my text message-- gets me really down). I try to push myself into activities to meet new people...but I just feel like it will take time and it should just naturally happen.

Has anyone else ever felt this way, what did you do to overcome it? What do you suggest I do?
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Re: No friends phobia... - May 25th 2009, 12:04 AM

I'm feeling exactly the same at times and I usually talk about it with my mum or godmother, and just talking about it makes me either feel stupid for thinking this, or it makes me realise I actually do have friends.

The thing is that I'm scared of having fake friendships, and that's why I don't do much effort for making new friends, since I don't want to have friends so I can tell myself I actually do, see what I mean?
I'd rather have few very good and trustworthy friends like at the moment, than have a crowd of friends and realise I know none of them really well, and I can't trust half of them, like I realised some time ago.

So whenever I feel down or left aside, I have a shower, some chocolate and I think. I tend to philosophy a little as in "what actually is friendship, why do we feel appreciated or not, etc." but in the end I end up thinking about something totally different and it takes away the gloominess

Maybe you just need a kind of change, some fresh air. Sometimes we get a bit bored of seeing the same faces and things all the time and need to see other stuff!


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Re: No friends phobia... - May 27th 2009, 10:40 PM

Maybe selfconfidence is an issue... With me I felt like you do when my confidence was low and everything. When I began working on my confidence and self-image and such people began flocking to me (exaggeration). I realize that people actually like me!

The thing is, when we feel the most alone is when we really figure out who we are. So, is having no friends a bad thing? Even with all the people that like to talk to me I don't call them friends. I had a good one but our friendship is being tortured right now...

Continue to be close with your current friends. You don't need a whole lot of friends, just one or two good ones.
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