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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My sister is prettier than me - July 16th 2017, 10:24 PM

My sister and I are very close in age (1 year apart). We grew up very close to each other & have a great relationship.

Unfortunately I am that "ugly" sister some families have. Please don't try to shower this thread with all that "we are all beautiful" or "beauty comes from within"...etc. it's just a fact that I'm ugly, not a matter of opinion. When people stop us in the street and tell our parents what "beautiful girls they have", they only stare at her in awe, and barely look at me for a second. I know for certain that they are only talking about HER.

I have small, almond eyes while my sisters are big and beautiful. She has long, thick, shiny wavy hair, while mine is brittle and falling out. She is skinny, fit, and healthy, and I am very overweight for a while now and still struggle with my weight. I have fat hands and feet, hers are more bony, thin, and literally look like they're from one of those dove hand soap commercials.

Guys. Her freaking HANDS are goals :/
Like, is that even possible??

My sister is also more perfect than me in other ways. She is confident, makes friends easily, and boys drool over her -- not only for her body and beauty, but also her shining personality.

People tend to be repelled by me because I have severe anxiety and various mental health issues, so I can come off as antisocial and awkward. Also when I get really nervous I have trouble forming sentences and mix up my words, and people look at me like I'm some sort of freak.

She also gets very good grades, whereas I have B's and even C's in my classes even though I try.

Ugh. I'm sick of this. Many say we look alike but I'm honestly the less pretty version of her.
   
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Re: My sister is prettier than me - July 16th 2017, 11:52 PM

I think you need to stop comparing yourself to your sister. There's always going to be someone in a family who thinks they're uglier than their sibling or cousin (only children) but that's just not true. It's all a matter of perception. Have you made the effort to lose weight, even if it's a struggle? Take better care of your hair? I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong, but it's more like take a step back and look at all the things you feel are wrong with you. If you really want to look as pretty and do as well as your sister (which I'm sure you already do, no two people are the exact same) then make that effort. Perhaps ask your sister for support, as embarrassing and humiliating as that might be. It sounds like you really look up to her and have a close relationship, so I don't think reaching out to her would hurt.

I know if I reached out to my sister when I am trying to better myself as an individual, she'd be more than happy to help. She might be blunt and come across as seeming like a bitch, but she cares about me and sometimes you need to be talked to in such a manner. Especially if you are being ignorant and full of self-depreciation. I don't think anyone wants to hear their sibling speak badly about themselves.
   
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Re: My sister is prettier than me - July 18th 2017, 05:16 PM

Yes, I have spoken to her before for advice. I am not ashamed of this as she is a very understanding person -- she insisted I was beautiful as well and that she was NOT prettier than me, although I know she is just trying to be nice because that's just the kind of person she is.

However, I tried doing the things she said to do (improve my fashion and clothing styles, wear a little makeup, take care of my hair), but I still feel so freaking ugly and pathetic

I am very overweight so I feel like no matter whether I do these things to improve myself or not, I will still be ugly
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Originally Posted by Wanderlust. View Post
I think you need to stop comparing yourself to your sister. There's always going to be someone in a family who thinks they're uglier than their sibling or cousin (only children) but that's just not true. It's all a matter of perception. Have you made the effort to lose weight, even if it's a struggle? Take better care of your hair? I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong, but it's more like take a step back and look at all the things you feel are wrong with you. If you really want to look as pretty and do as well as your sister (which I'm sure you already do, no two people are the exact same) then make that effort. Perhaps ask your sister for support, as embarrassing and humiliating as that might be. It sounds like you really look up to her and have a close relationship, so I don't think reaching out to her would hurt.

I know if I reached out to my sister when I am trying to better myself as an individual, she'd be more than happy to help. She might be blunt and come across as seeming like a bitch, but she cares about me and sometimes you need to be talked to in such a manner. Especially if you are being ignorant and full of self-depreciation. I don't think anyone wants to hear their sibling speak badly about themselves.
   
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Re: My sister is prettier than me - July 18th 2017, 07:17 PM

start exercising then. i know you feel like even if you improve the things you dislike about yourself, it won't help. but it truly will.
exercise will not only help you become more fit and healthy, it also releases endorphins which help you to feel happier and more positive. i promise, just try it for a month and you'll see a difference. (and when i say exercise, i don't mean do 20 crunches and call it a day. get into Youtube videos, cardio, HIIT, bootcamp workouts, etc... even if you have to start with beginner workouts, make sure to use videos as they will guide you and help you to do better in the long run.)

you listed quite a few things that you dislike about yourself, but you didn't list everything. so for the things you did not list, you must like them to some degree.
focus on the things you don't hate about yourself. even if it's small. take a good, long hard look at your face. you said you don't like your eyes. but what about your nose? what about your lips?
you may feel like you are nothing but ugly, but what happens to your face when you genuinely smile? to me, a natural, wrinkled up, authentic smiling face is one of the most beautiful things in the world, simply because it's not necessarily perfect, but it's real.

i'm not telling you that you have to believe you're not ugly, especially right away. i'm just suggesting that you stop saying it to yourself. if it's been said so many times before that you've established that you're ugly, what's the point of continuing to tell yourself that? move on. focus on other things on your face and your body. look at the things you don't hate.
something great my counselor taught me was how to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. i thought i was disgusting beyond belief and that i was one of the ugliest people alive. i felt like my nose was huge and gross. so my counselor told me, instead of looking in the mirror and thinking, "look at that big, ugly nose" to think, "my nose is big, but look at those pretty eyes."


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
haunted by the ghost of you
   
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