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-   -   I need advice. Please help. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f18-friends-family/t152343-i-need-advice-please-help/)

Teeark July 28th 2017 10:06 PM

I need advice. Please help.
Well, here is my problem. I have almost 18 years and since i know my parents they have been a Little strict,I am a rare case within my friends. When i was Little this wasn't a problem but know I feel like I can't take it anymore. I just feel like I have no independence at all ,I just need to have my space and do with moderation some things I want. When I want to go somewhere I don't even ask and give up, because I know that it will take a lot to convince them, if I convince them.
I also started to like someone recently, but i am afraid about how our relationship will go on. They seem to like him, but I still have a lot o negative thoughts ,we live 30 km away and i have to make a lot of efforts to see him when IT is summer. He can say so easy that he will come and see me and i want to do the same but just can't .We are collegues and through this year there will also be parties that I don't know if I will have the change to go to, and I am afraid that he will want to be there with his girl, and these things will affect us. I just want things to go well and to be happy.In the past days i have some kind of depression and feel like something is missing, IT is hard to Be myself, i just can talk with my Parents at all... I dont feel like talking with them so i will spend my time in my room. I also tried to talk about the Little independence i need, but IT ends always with the same conclusion:They know what they do.
In this moment i want to change something in my life as i dont feel good about the way i live but dont know how. I just need a lil' help.

cynefin July 29th 2017 02:42 PM

Re: I need advice. Please help.

Welcome to TeenHelp.

The fact that you don't like how you're living and you're looking to change things for yourself is really positive. You said you've talked to your parents about needing a little bit of independence and it hasn't worked. Do you think you could try again, and word things differently? For instance, you can tell them that more independence will be good for you but it will also be good for them because they'll get time together and they'll know that you'll be safe and independent to prepare for adulthood. You could also see if you can make a curfew or other compromises, such as checking in every so often.

Another thing you can try to do is spend more time with your parents. You said you often don't feel like talking to them so you spend time in your room, but spending a little bit more time with them may encourage them to give you the independence that you are seeking. You don't even have to talk to them; you can just be present with them.

If you don't want to spend more time with your parents, you can always spend more time out of your room in different areas of the house. A change of pace could help you out a little bit.

Do you think you could reframe the negative thoughts you're having? For example, you said you have a long travel to see someone and it's more effort because it's summer but you could reframe it to something about how it will be less of an effort when summer comes to a close.

Walterhurley56 August 1st 2017 02:08 PM

Re: I need advice. Please help.
You should know that you are not alone with this problem. A lot of teens have such issues which are connected to parents` custody. When I was 15 years old I had the same thoughts and didn`t know what to do at all. I didn`t feel MY SPACE (exactly mine) and always felt myself as I was in a cage. But the real solution is talking. I can`t imagine that anyone can understand you better than your parents. Now I`m 27. I`m grown man with great job at https://au.edubirdie.com and I have a good relationship with my mom and dad (because I didn`t run away and talk). Good luck and don`t be afraid!

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