TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Marshmallow Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Marshmallow's Avatar
 

Posts: 2
Join Date: February 12th 2017

Is it my fault? - July 30th 2017, 08:18 AM

So I was just casually typing an essay when I heard my sister crying because my mom was hitting her with an umbrella. It turned out my sister said "I want to hit you." (I guess she was mad) Then, my mom just started getting really "triggered" and just got an umbrella and started hitting her. When I got to her room I saw her just sitting on the ground while my mom constantly yelling "YOU WANT TO HIT ME? YOU WANT TO HIT ME HUH?" in viet, while whacking her with an umbrella, I'm guessing over 20 times. Then, I told her to stop and that I considered it as child abuse. She turned on me, and hit me a couple times really hard saying that "she's only teaching her a lesson" and then she just hit me on the head while my sister was still crying in the corner. Afterwards, she told me to "get out of my house" when I told her to stop and kept telling her that it might be child abuse. That's when my dad came in and calmed us all down. Now while I'm typing this, my mom is saying that we don't appreciate the things that she has done for us and talks like she's gonna divorce my dad any second and leave the house. So right now, I'm wondering... Was it my fault in the first place for barging in? Because I feel like I just broke up the family


P.S. This has happened in the past many times, to me as well.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Jestervice McPunnington's Avatar
 
Age: 18
Gender: Other
Location: Australia

Posts: 37
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: July 29th 2017

Re: Is it my fault? - July 30th 2017, 09:29 AM

Nope, I don't think it was your fault if she was already like that anyway. The best thing you can do is what you've already done which is to step in and keep them apart so that they can calm down, like a mediator. Maybe suggest other ways for her to vent as well, preferably when she is calm and you're able to bring it up when she is willing to listen to what you have to say. Bringing it up may make her frustrated again, so you'd have to be prepared to keep her cool as you talk about other ways of dealing with the situation, such as saying "I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not trying to undermine your authority, rather, I am simply suggesting a more effective way of going about it". Not in those exact words obviously, as I don't know how you communicate to your parents. Heck, I don't even know how to communicate to my own parents, so I just don't. Don't be like me tho. That'll just get you stuck in a perpetual cycle of emotional detachment and passive-aggression.

Otherwise, if she doesn't listen 'cause she's still got her head stuck up her butt, then she's probably going to keep doing it unless you can come up with some other way to appease her, such as making a pact or compromise. If she continues to do it, you'll both probably have to just stand up for yourselves and hope for the best, unless your dad is around.

The only problem with using your dad too much is if she begins to turn on him as much as she does you guys, in which case, that might eventually break up their relationship. I mean, if that's what needs to happen in order for her to start putting up with her own emotions, then I suppose all's fair in love and war. That's only worst-case scenario though, so I don't think you have too much to worry about. You just need to ask her why she acts out like that and give her love and understanding, even during times when you feel she doesn't deserve it, because that's what a family should do.


"I'm not making any plans. I'm just going to let the universe surprise me."
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
Verbal venom.

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 9,789
Blog Entries: 1483
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Is it my fault? - July 30th 2017, 01:00 PM

Like it has been said, it isn't your fault. It seems like your mom has some issues of her own that make her act in the way that she does but that doesn't excuse her behavior. Talking to her when everything cools off is a good idea. Maybe you can use "I" statements to discuss how you and your sister might feel, and suggesting different ways to cope with how she's feeling as it has been mentioned could be helpful as well. For instance, you can say "I feel upset and uncomfortable when you hit my sister and I."

You could also talk to your dad and tell him how you're feeling and let him know that you're concerned about your mom. You could ask him if your mom has experienced anything in her past that would influence her to act this way, and if so, how you help. You or your dad might be able to talk to her about more safe, productive ways to teach life lessons.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
fault

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.