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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Feeling Compared - May 25th 2009, 03:06 AM

It's something trivial, I'm sure. It's all in my head. But it's been something that I've had problems with since I was about five or so.

For about 4 years, My male cousin and I were the only grandchildren on my mom's side of the family. Then within the next 2 years he got two little sisters. I don't think I had any thoughts on it at the time. All I knew was that I got two new girl cousins. One of which was born on my sixth birthday.

I was an only child. Still am. I didn't know how to play with younger kids. One cousin was about 4 and the other about 3, when they wanted to start playing with their brother and I. I was always mean to them, of course their brother could be too, but he had more of a soft spot. Still, I was always scolded and stuff by their mother and father for not being fair to my little cousins.

Eventually, I started being nice to them. I heard from my male cousin that his parents were pleased with my new behavior to my cousins. I was glad. I was relieved.

I think that's where a lot of my current problems have sprouted. I'm not mean to the girls anymore. They are now 10 and 11 (I think. ><). The only issues I really have with them now is that they want to hand out with their older brother and me all the time. I understand that they miss me. But from what everyone else in the family has told me, is that my younger cousins look up to me. Most likely because I'm the closest thing they have to an older sister. It's not that I don't love them, it's just that I find it hard to have fun hanging out with them because there is a 5-6 year age difference. Me and my male cousin are only 6 months apart and we're in high school now. We want to talk about different things that the girls can't hear...or wouldn't understand anyway.

But maybe that's not all the problem. I still have this awful lingering feeling that my aunt, my uncle, and my grandparents are still looking down on me; comparing me to their other grandchildren. I wasn't born as the girly-girly they wanted. I didn't like barbies. I liked pokemon, action figures, I hated dresses and the color pink. While their younger grand daughters loved pink, dresses, stuffed animals, and barbies.

My male cousin and his sisters seem to be more successful at everything than me. They get involved with different things that I never did. Girl scouts, boy scouts, swim lessons, horse riding camp, scubadiving, violin lessons, piano lessons... But their family is also well off; me and my Mom are just trying to keep chugging along.

I'm not as social as they seem to be. I enjoy staying home alone, writing, surfing the web, drawing, walking. I'm the artistic outcast. I told my grandma once what I wanted to be when I grew up. A writer and a voice actor. She immediately suggested, "Well what if that doesn't work out? You could be a teacher or something." There is no way in hell that I would become a teacher. I love kids, but I will not sit in a classroom with someone else's illbehaved children.

Idk, that struck a painful cord with me. When my male cousin told her he wanted to be a video game designer, she said, "What if that doesn't work out? You could be an engineer." I think that sort of put him in a funk too.

I feel like I'm not meeting their expectations. It's bad enough that I'm growing up in the same town as my parents, going to the same school, and in the same social club as my mom. I don't want to be like my parents and yet I worry about what the rest of my family thinks. I wish I didn't care so much about what they think.

Some times I feel jealous, because my cousins get so many more opportunities than me. But they've offered me some of those opportunities in the past and I rejected them.

I want to play piano. But I was somewhat crushed when I learned that one of my little cousins was already playing it.

I couldn't stick to the last instrument I played. But I plan to stick to the piano. Not so much because that's what my family would like, but because I'd truly like to play the piano. But now if feels more like I'm going to be trying to be better than my 9 year old cousin. And I'm nearly 16 (She'll be 10 and I'll be 16 on the same day.)

I've got the talent that they seem to think can fall through. I can draw and write. But they sort of seem to think that it won't get me anywhere, unless it's really good.

I wanted to be an obstetrician (sp) or a vet. But now that they know that's what I want to be, they're tickled because it's a reliable job. Now I don't really want to do it as much.

I don't really want to make them proud. I want to make a comic series, I want to publish a questionable book (Well, maybe not) but I want to show them that I can be accomplished too. I can do something if I want to put my mind to it...but I've been in a funk with writing and drawing lately anyway...

What's wrong with me? I hate feeling like this, I just want to cry. I know that they aren't looking down on me- at least I'm sure my aunt isn't. I see her every time my cousins come down and she seems cheerful to see me. Idk about my uncle, because I see him maybe once a year. My grandma and I haven't gotten along so well since my parents got divorced, but now we're slowly patching things up.


   
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Re: Feeling Compared - May 25th 2009, 01:56 PM

It's totally teenager syndrome, this thing that whenever our parents or relatives say anything we outomatically see it as an insult or we want to do the opposite. I have no clue why we do this, but my advice is to 1) stop caring about what others think about you, it's only what you think of yourself that matters 2) you still have allot of time before you have to decide what your going to do with your life, just explore things that interest you the big decisions come later 3) when the time comes choose something that you will love, remember that you will be doing this job for the rest of your life, and if you only take it because you thought it would make your family happy, or spitefull : ) you will be really mad at yourself in the future 4) about the cousin thing, try doing a group activity, like playing a sport, or bowling and then sitting down to watch a movie together where your older cousin and you can slip out and talk, the girls won't miss you iff their entranced in a movie.

and good luck : ) just remember that you are the only one who really knows what will make you happy, and that that's the most important thing.
   
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Re: Feeling Compared - May 25th 2009, 08:41 PM

I won't let them control my life. I'm gonna do what I wanna do. I guess I sort of hate that what I want to do pleases them. I'm confusing myself.


   
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