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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question Making Friends?? - September 9th 2017, 04:31 PM

I just started college, and it is quite overwhelming. I had friends in high school, but I was never... close with most of them (except 1). I have one more close friend who goes to another school, but I never see her often. That being said, I was happy, and I loved the friends I had.

But now everything is different. I have a handful of school friends who came to the same college so I see them occasionally. However, I want to make new friends. I'm becoming friends with my roommate, and that's awesome, but I haven't really gotten too close with anyone else. I know it takes time, and clubs haven't even started yet, but I need advice. I can be a little awkward sometimes, I don't know why. Something about me is just awkward. I'm absolutely terrible at remembering names and I'm not the best at faces either. What's some advice you guys have? How do you make friends?
   
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Re: Making Friends?? - September 10th 2017, 02:14 AM

If you are becoming friend's with your roommate definitely try and keep that relationship blossoming. Invite her to do things with you once in a while. Back in high school, I had no real friends because I started at a new school. I ended up befriending someone and she introduced me to her friend's and that ended up leading to me making friend's with them and developing decent relationships. This is definitely possible with the current relationship that is building between you and the roommate. The other piece of advice is that you try and join clubs because it is likely that you will be able to make friends who share similar interest. Lastly, as you get further into college and declare a major or start taking more classes for your major it is more likely that you will have classes with some of the same people and you will likely be able to become friendly with them which could lead to friendships. I know it sucks to hear but with time it might be possible for you to develop friendships.


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Re: Making Friends?? - September 10th 2017, 08:10 PM

It's great that there is a friendship blossoming between you and your roommate. As it has been said, definitely try to keep that up so it can continue to expand and thrive.

You said that clubs haven't started yet but it is definitely worth joining one or two to meet people with similar interests. Do take into consideration how much time you can dedicate before joining, however, as sometimes clubs and schoolwork on top of everything else can become overwhelming.

It was pointed out that you may run into people in classes once you declare your major and that is an awesome point. A lot of people in the same major have at least some similar interests and personality attributes that are grounds for a friendship or two.

If you're not great with names, maybe you can write them down so you can refer to them later? You could also practice mindfulness (being in the moment) while talking to people to help your memory. Note that you don't have to call someone by their name either. For instance, you could address them with "Hey" "How's it going?" Or something similar.


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Re: Making Friends?? - September 13th 2017, 03:30 PM

Just be yourself and treat others the way you would like to be treated. Friendships will surely come in your way.
   
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Re: Making Friends?? - September 16th 2017, 07:00 AM

I think everyone is bad at remembering names.

Well maybe not. occasionally I come across someone who has a natural knack for remembering people's names. I have no idea how they do that.

I know one trick is the 30-second rule. It takes 30 seconds to transfer information from short term memory to long term memory. So when I hear someone's name for the first time, and I want to remember it, I need to keep thinking about that name for 30 seconds, because that's how long it takes to get that transferred to long term memory where I won't forget it. (Give that trick a try.)

Or just write it down.

I carried a small notebook where I wrote down everyone's name. I also had a business card I got from somewhere, and I wrote people's names down on the back of that card, so I could remember them.

I too have a bit of difficulty recognizing people's faces. I think other people it comes more naturally to, whereas I have to look for something unique I can remember to look for. (And if they change their hair then I don't recognize them at all.)

I did like college students better than high school students. I think college I just get a better batch of people, like they tend to be smarter, and nicer, and slightly older and more mature, so I ended up having a better time in college.

(Still I struggled to meet people. Students all said they were too busy studying to go dating. I never did figure that one out.)

Oh, also, I've learned that some people who tend to be exceptionally bright and intelligent, and therefore very likely to go to college, also tend to be awkward socially. It just goes with the territory! Someone suggested I had Asperger's. I disagreed at first, but then I started reading about it and decided well maybe I do have a tough of that. The curse of being smart!

   
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