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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Volcots Offline
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Name: Lisa
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Question What would you do?? - May 25th 2009, 02:01 PM

Okay, so I'll try keeping it as short as possible, here it goes:

I've got this friend who I'm very close to.
2years ago, she stopped eating because she wanted to look like me (I'm underweight, but eating properly). I felt really responsible for her because of that, so I went to talk to the school nurse and counsellors several times, who talked to her and her family. She said it wasn't true and her parents believed her.

But now, it's getting worse and worse.
She's fainting or having malaises at least once a day everyday.

I've already had shouts at her telling it's absolutely dangerous living like that, and she laughs! I told her about how the body cannot cope with too much fainting, that she will recover less easily with time, and she says she feels so nice when her head's empty, that it's like a drug for her.

Everytime she faints, she laughs about it, she claims there's nothing to be worried about, that she doesn't faint THAT often. (I suspect she does that for attention, because she also lies and likes to make herself interesting)

But last friday, I got in a massive row with her, after she'd fainted again, I was so furious and scared that I shouted and shouted, and I even slapped her.
She was laughing and then gradually got really fed up and left. When I saw her later on, she gave me an absolutely dreadfully evil look and I don't know what to do.

Should I apologize? or should I just stop taking care of her because I know she hates it? or if it's attention seeking, shall I just stop paying attention to her? Should I just leave it and hope for the best?

I was thinking of writing her a letter, but I'm scared of being too aggressive again...

What do you think?


JE VOULAIS PENDRE A TON COU, QUITTE A MOURIR JUSTE EN DESSOUS,
D'UNE MIGRAINE...JE VOULAIS JUSTE QU'ON S'EMMENE,
JUSQU'AU BOUT DU BOUT D'UN SILENCE

   
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Re: What would you do?? - May 25th 2009, 02:10 PM

Try not to get to aggresive and angry. Writing a note is good because you can get out everything you want to say, without being interrupted, or getting angry. Explain to her that your upset because you care about her, that it's hurting her and you dont want to see her hurt for good. See if you cant convice her there is another way to be skinny, maybe help her choose healthy foods, go running with her, showing and helping her with different options.



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What would you do?? - May 25th 2009, 02:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by nothing-but-regrets View Post
See if you cant convice her there is another way to be skinny, maybe help her choose healthy foods, go running with her, showing and helping her with different options.
But she is already extremely skinny, she does at least 2hrs of sport each day after school and 5hrs every saturday. She's far skinnier than me and still thinks she's fat.
I forgot to say that in the post, sorry

and thanks for the reply


JE VOULAIS PENDRE A TON COU, QUITTE A MOURIR JUSTE EN DESSOUS,
D'UNE MIGRAINE...JE VOULAIS JUSTE QU'ON S'EMMENE,
JUSQU'AU BOUT DU BOUT D'UN SILENCE

   
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Re: What would you do?? - May 25th 2009, 10:25 PM

Hi Lisa,

It sounds to me like you need to have a good talk with your friend's parents. What she is doing is extremely dangerous, and the fact that she is laughing about it just shows that she doesn't understand how serious this is. Make sure you talk to them, or tell your parents and get them to. Make sure they hear it directly instead of from the school. Let them know that you are very worried about her and that you think she may be lying because she is embarrassed or doesn't really understand how much she is hurting herself.

At this point, it's important that your friend knows that what she is doing is wrong. If you need to get noisy, then get noisy. Shouting matches don't always work, but she needs to snap out of it. If anything, make sure she hears you and get the school, other friends, your parents, and her parents to back you up.

Writing a letter is a good way to get out your feelings, but I strongly suggest you get her help first and write the letter afterward explaining.

Nat.


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