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lollipops Offline
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Unhappy I've never felt so alone in my life - September 24th 2017, 12:03 PM

I can't talk to my family about my own problems, because they usually think I'm making a big deal about nothing, nor my friends. I'm scared that I will lose my friends when they find out I'm depressed, or that they'll judge me and it will change the dynamic of our friendship.
They also joke about depression, self harm and suicide around me, although I know that they don't know that I have any of them. Once, I was staring into space with my own thoughts and one said 'you look depressed, you actually look suicidal' and it really hurt. Then other times, they say 'why would someone SH? You'd have to be dumb to do that'. I never know what to say.
Not only that, I have moments where i cry out for help, contact a friend but they don't reply until I calm down, and then I don't need their help anymore. I think she's starting to suspect something, but she doesn't say anything.
When I try to talk to my family, theydont give me help that I can use. I don't fit in my family. None of them have my thought process so were often in disputes, mainly evolving around me. No one has to tell me that I'm the odd one out. I know it. I also know that theyd be much better off without me, but they deny it.
I feel like no one understands me, and last night I had a low moment where id never felt so alone.
Its reassuring hearing other people's stories x
   
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Re: I've never felt so alone in my life - September 24th 2017, 11:34 PM

ive had so many people ignore me - that includes people who once happily talked to me and just ignored me later on. Sure, they can have their reasons such as become busy, but it all feels the same to the person in question does it not? no girl ever went on a date with me and i came to a point when i freaked at the thought that i would never marry and thus die a virgin. Often i have kicked myself, asking where it all went wrong, there was a time when i had a larger social circle, including many more people to call text and meet with, compared to the last few years. I tried to take my own life in the summer of '14 after realizing something terrible. Well, other things did play a part, but i am sure that one thing is what pushed me over.
You'd think it would be a wake up call wouldn't you? someone in the family attempts suicide and the parents/family realize some things need to change or at least see that somethings really wrong, but my dad just thought i wanted attention. I don't want to disrespect his memory as there was a lot of good about him, honestly, but he didnt get me and why would he? when he was 24 he had a girlfriend who adored him and his first child - the kind of life i want and wanted by that time too (and i told him this)

im sorry i dont have a more inspirational story, but that was what i went through and am still alive over 3 years after my troubles reached their peak, so i know you can find a way out also
   
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