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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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_Headphones_ Offline
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Mom and sh - December 10th 2017, 04:23 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Yesterday was really hard for me. I wanted to self harm so bad yesterday but I didn't. But my sister was being a real bitch and bugging the shit out of my mom
She started hitting herself with the remote, and then right in front of me taking her something litteraly cutting herself right in front of me. I Knew where blades were so I had to give my mom them and told her not to use them and she said she only does it in the moment. I can't tell her how bad it effected me because she doesn't take critisisum well or if you tell her something she does is bugging you she gets so defensive and it sucks.


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Re: Mom and sh - December 10th 2017, 07:32 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that yesterday. It definitely sounds like a difficult experience.

Perhaps instead of simply telling her not to cut, you could try explaining WHY self-harm isn't a positive outlet for feelings. If it's something that won't be a trigger for you, you might want to consider asking her why she cuts and what parts of it help her/how they make her feel. From there, you can go back to our alternatives thread or pull coping mechanisms from anywhere else you may have learned them and try to find some that will give her a similar outlet without being harmful. If you feel comfortable with it, you could even share your own struggles with self-harm with her and the road that you've been taking to recovery.

While getting through to someone who doesn't accept criticism well can be difficult, it's not impossible. Even making it a two-way conversation instead of just telling them not to do something can have an impact and make them more receptive to what you have to say.


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Re: Mom and sh - December 10th 2017, 09:39 PM

Thank you, but I know why she does it that isn't the problem. I also cants' how her alternatives because she literly doesn't realize she is doing it until after she is doing it. I just felt like shit because she did it in front of me and then brushed it off like it was no big deal. I mean before she was cutting herself she hit her arm over and over with a remote and when I asked her about it she looked at me and said "Oh I was hitting myself with the remote" then just went into another topic, when she took her keys and hurt herself when shew as done she looked down ran her hands over it, then shrugged her shoulders and walked away. Not only that but she had been drinking and she knows how I feel about that since she is an alcoholic. Then she got in her car and drove, Given I said she only had a little and wasn't drunk to my sister. I really wanted to tell her that I would drive her, so she could get away from my sister and wouldn't chance getting another dui.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability|
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Last edited by _Headphones_; December 11th 2017 at 07:30 AM.
   
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Re: Mom and sh - December 12th 2017, 11:43 AM

That sounds really stressful. It must be so hard to have someone hurt themselves in front of you when you struggle with self-harm as well. You said your mom doesn’t take criticism well but something to consider is that she shouldn’t have did what she did in front of you and perhaps she could be made aware of that so she can refrain from doing it in the future. Even if she doesn’t take criticsm well, you could put yourself first and tell her and then let her deal with her own feelings that may come up from that.

There are also ways to communicate without seeming like you’re being critical if that makes sense. For instance, you can use I statements. You can tell her something like “I felt upset when you harmed yourself in front of me. Can you try not to do that in the future?”

If you decide not to talk to her that is okay also. Just know that how you’re feeling after what you experienced is valid and it’s okay to feel the way you do.


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