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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Sick of all the bullshit - December 21st 2017, 08:27 PM

Hey
I just really need to vent and I don't have anywhere else to do that right now.
So I stopped with my education (college) because it just really wasn't my thing ( I chose to wrong training course and it was just not for me). And I have been at home for 3 months because my new education starts in februari. Naturally because I'm not studying or working ( still live at home) , I'm talking care of all the housework ( cooking, washing ect...) which I don't mind it's fine.
But my parents are horrible to me right now: nothing is ever good enough.
I try really hard to clean everything while they make sure that after a day or something everything is really untidy again (the floor is dirty again ect). I do all their laundry, clean after them ( they leave their emty plates and wrapes everywhere they don't even bother to throw them away or put their plates in the dishwasher ( while i mke sure its emty so they can do that)
They almost never say thank you or the dinner is nice
No they nag about it: you have to cook special food ( now you only cook for 30 min) and when I cook more difficult food and things I have never made before, they bullshit that it takes too long to prepair

Tomorrow I have to undergo surgery ( they have to remove all my wisdomtheeth under general anesthetic and I' m a bit scared because I know that my Christmas is gonna suck because I can't eat the food)
So because I'm not gonna be able to clean anything in the house or do stuff the first few days after surgery ( i'm always very drowsy), I worked my but off today to make sure everything was ready and clean for the next few days. I was still cleaning when my mom came home, made food immideatly after finishing with the cleaning ( and now i'm still doing laundry and cleaning everything up)
And my mom keeps nagging about how she's gonna be in the kitchen the entire Christmas evening and bla bla bla
And I get mad because I thing that my Christmas is gonna suck more: i'm gonna be in pain and i can't eat 😢 ( so I just yell because she always nags about anything while if i do that she gets really mad at me)
And ofcourse she's mad that I yelled but I just can't take the bullshit anymore. I just want to relax before I have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning and she just gets mad the entire time

I wish she would be a bit nicer to me knowing that i'm gping to surgery tomorrow and knowing that i'm scared.
   
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Re: Sick of all the bullshit - December 21st 2017, 10:52 PM

Hey there, I am sorry to hear your parents are giving you a difficult time. It sounds like you are not happy living there. Is there an alternate living situation you can find? Such as rooming with friends or living at the uni's dormitories when it begins in February? Also, I think you should sit down with your parents and tell them, bluntly (but no yelling, swearing, banging the table, etc) that what they are doing pisses you off, that you deserve to be treated with respect and if they can't handle that then you have the right to leave.

I hope your surgery goes well. Wisdom teeth removal is a relatively easy procedure. But, as you said, it's going to suck not being able to eat regular food for the first week or so. I hope your Christmas still continues to be good.

Don't be afraid to reach out again if you have to. All the best.
   
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Re: Sick of all the bullshit - December 22nd 2017, 09:28 PM

Hey
No I don't have any place to go and stay. I don't really have friends.
In our country you don't havr uni domitories ( if you gonand study in another city you either have to drive ( if you have a car which I don't), take public transport ( train, busses, subway) or you have to rent a place ( which is like 400-500€ a month and not so easy to do if you don't have a full time job ( which you can't get here unless you have at least a bachelors degeree or know a lot of languages or have 5+ years of experience)
So im just hoping that things will get better once i start studying again.
Surgery went ok ( a lot of pain thought but I can open my mouth pretty far and can eat some stuff so i got that going for me which is nice!!
   
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Re: Sick of all the bullshit - December 24th 2017, 11:29 PM

Hey there,

This sounds like an exceptionally tough thing to deal with. I am wondering if your parents were always this messy or did that change when you left your course? If they have always been like this; you might be noticing it more because you aren't going to school and it sounds like you feel like you have to do something to contribute to the household. If they only just started this recently it is possible that it is their way of trying to get you to realize that you need to go back to school. I think that might be a strange approach especially if you are already planning on going back to school in February. However, I know some parents do things like this when they don't agree with choices that their children have made.

The thing that makes this tough is that you are stuck living with them until you can find an alternative (I know how difficult that can be). I am not certain what the best approach is, per se, but when I had difficulties with my dad in the past and did not want to fight; I would go sit at the library or a local coffee/tea shop. This allowed me to get out of the house and not have to worry about interacting too much with my dad. It wasn't a solution but it helped with the feelings I was having and it prevented fights.

Another thing that might help is if you could find other things to do outside of the house. I know it might be hard but maybe you could find some volunteer opportunities close by?

I want you to know that you do not deserve to be treated this way. I hope that with time your parents will come to understand this. Also, I hope that you end up having a decent holiday despite having to get your wisdom teeth pulled. Maybe you could set aside some food so you can eat the leftovers? (I cannot remember how long a person has to wait before eating but the leftovers might still be good?).

Best regards.


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Re: Sick of all the bullshit - December 26th 2017, 09:35 PM

Well my parents have always been like this. I have never been good enough.
When I was little (elementary)my grades were never good enough. I would get an 8!/10 and they would say things like it 's not good enough. You should have gotten an 9 or a 10. You didn't try hard enough ect. It was never good enough. I always tried very hard to get everything right but is was hard. I never got anything when my grades on my rapport were good. My classmates got a little present all the time (like 1€ or a piece of candy or something else) but I never got anything. i once asked them if I could get something because my grades were great but they said that I was not supposed to get anything bevause they expect my grades to be good and that I should not be rewarded for somehthing that they expected of me.
And what bothers me the most about that is that my nieces ( their granddaughters) get money when they have good grades. They get a lot of praise when they have 7,5 or 8/10 while I never got that praise or money.
I feel like my parents favour them over me.
When my sister asks them something they alwaya do that or when she wants my parents to babysit they always say yes, but when I ask them something they either say no or nag about it ( or be like : you have to do this because that one time i did that for you)

I'm just so tired of all the bullshit. My dad also keeps saying that I don't do anything in the house while I do everything. And it really hurts me.
I'm never good enough for my parents so i will probably never be good enough for anyone else. Maybe thats why I don't have friends or anyone who likes me.
I can't go somewhere to avoid confrontation because if Indo that they get mad or call me childish or a baby.
I wish I could just leave.
I hate the hollidays because I have to be around my family even more amd I know that they don't like me either.

I don't tell my parents anything about me because if I do they either call me stupid ( indirect or direct), they get mad or disrespect me. And they wonder why I don't tell them anything. They don't want me to go anywhere and keep living with them ( i can't even travel and stuff so last summer I just lied to them. I went to Lisbon ( which is only a 2hour flight for a week while I told them I was going to stay at a friends house) and didn't tell them because they would have freaked or gone mad and forbid me from going while i'm already 20.
I just wish I could talk to them but I can't bevause they don't listen to what I say.
And I don't know why I should respect them while they cleary don't respect me.

I just wish I could move out and I really hope that I can get a job abroad. If I do,
I will leave without thinking about it or looking back. Maybe i would visit but not too much.

I just want them to like me bit cleary they don't because I didn't turn out the way they wanted me to ( i'm not popular, don't have friends, am not successful or pretty or anything they want me to be so they constantly criticize me.) they say they want me to be happy but ttney mean that they want me to be happy om their terms.
   
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Re: Sick of all the bullshit - December 28th 2017, 10:43 PM

Hey there,

I am sorry that your parents have been treating you like this for such a long time. One thing I was to say is that just because your parents might not feel that you are good enough does not mean that you can't be good enough for other people. In fact, I believe that there are plenty of people who would see you as being 'good enough'. It is unfortunate but there are parents who do not treat their children with love and respect but that does not mean that you will experience that same type of treatment from everyone.

Please hang in there.


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Re: Sick of all the bullshit - January 5th 2018, 06:47 PM

I'm just so sick of it right now. I can't even say something without them being upset, mad or annoyed. So I haven't said a word in 2 days. They don't even care. My mom sais she is sick of me and wants to leave.
I really hate my parents right now. As soon as i graduate I will find a job in a far away country, and just leave and never come back.
Unfortunatly its still a long time before that happens.
   
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Re: Sick of all the bullshit - January 6th 2018, 08:46 AM

It might be a long way off but it will probably go by faster than you think. I know, for me, as I have gotten older the years seem to fly by. I also try and keep myself busy with school, volunteer work and a few other things. I think that keeping busy has helped me quite a bit. Since you are going to be going back to school that might be a great way to stay busy.

Wishing you the best of luck!


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