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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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hollyberry06 Offline
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Exclamation I think my friends don't need me anymore.... - December 21st 2017, 10:18 PM

This is kinda hard to talk about, but I really need help.

I live in the UK and I'm almost 16...
I basically feel like the universe is against me. You see...
I am a twin, my sister and me have always been close. We have always been best friends with another set of twins. It feels natural and comfortable around them. But recently, our relationship has encountered a problem.
For me and my sister's 16th we planned to celebrate on the upcoming Saturday by going shopping and having a sleepover. Our friends promised to attend, they said they have a competition in Gymnastics the week after our party, but they can skip one lesson to cons to our birthday. But, I just received a text saying they can't come because the competition is the Saturday we planned our birthday. This actually really hurt.
Not only did they promise to come, but they are my friends and it feels like their Gymnastics is more important to them. They always cancel to do gymnastics, tennis or whatever else they do... we barely ever see each other!

We also planned to go to the cinema but they never reply in the group chat.
Do they even care anymore? Is it really important to them...
I can't tell them the truth because I can't see them face to face and I don't want them to take it the wrong way... what do I do?
   
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Re: I think my friends don't need me anymore.... - December 22nd 2017, 01:37 PM

Hey there,

It must be hard to be in this position and even though it may feel like your friend doesn’t care anymore they may still care; perhaps they’re just busy. It seems like gymnastics is a big part of their life and they had to prepare for a competition and it was unfortunate that it just happened to be around the time of your birthday.

As for not replying in group chat, maybe they’re busy, they don’t see the messages, or they see them and forget about them once the notification is gone? There can be a number of reasons as to why they’re not replying and when you’re unsure it’s easy to come to your conclusion that they no longer care.

You said you can’t talk to them about this to their face; maybe you can write a note or send them a message if you’d be more comfortable with that? If they’re aware of how you feel it may help you out a little bit.


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Re: I think my friends don't need me anymore.... - December 24th 2017, 10:39 PM

Hey there,

Your feelings on this are valid! You have the right to be upset. I think most people would be hurt if their friend missed something like this. Unfortunately, the only way to try and work through this is by discussing it with them. I know that is difficult and I know you are worried about miscommunication and your friend interpreting things wrong. If you don't talk about it you will continue to feel badly and it is possible that those feelings will build and you will start to feel resentful to your friend.

I think it would be a good idea to write up a letter and send it to her. If it seems like she misunderstood something you could also try and talk to her on the phone or through skype or something like that. I have seen a lot of friendships get to a bad spot because there was a lot of misunderstanding going on and neither person was willing to talk about it.

I am wishing you the best of luck.


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