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Heavy shit - January 10th 2018, 03:20 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I've been reconnecting with my biological father lately and learned some disturbing things. I was adopted by my grandparents when I was a year and a half old because they wanted to have a baby of their own but kept miscarrying. So, as I've pieced together recently, they basically bullied my disabled father into giving me up by paying off judges, lawyers, etc. To adopt me and keep him out of my life, so growing up I thought he didn't care enough to be in my life, but the entire time, he was constantly trying to get in touch with me but my entire family gave him the run around for eighteen years. He showed up to my mother's house looking for me several times year until I was nineteen and he found me in a jail. It's like nobody is who I thought they were anymore, I can't stand my grandparents, had a major falling out with them and haven't seen or spoken to them in three months. My grandfather, always this rock in my life before, I see now he's just this corrupt monster. Everything I've always fought against as a part of Anonymous and an anarchist. He literally bought off judges to take me and kept my loving father from me all this time. Then he has the nerve to lecture me about following the rules! I don't even know how to deal with this anymore, its like my life has been turned upside down.
   
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Re: Heavy shit - January 10th 2018, 07:48 PM

That is very heavy new knowledge to have to deal with, and I am so sorry you're currently struggling with this.
Well if there's anything good that has come of this it's that you and your biological father are back in touch. I think that's really great on its own, despite the unfortunate circumstances.
One thing you said that really caught my attention was how your grandfather has always been this rock in your life before. Now, it would be one thing if your grandparents quite literally stole you from your dad and treated you miserably for the entirety of your life. That was what I assumed was going on as I was reading this. But the fact that you grandfather was such a vital part of your life all this time does mean something.
Yes, what he did was unfair to both you and your father and it is quite disgusting that he was able, and willing, to play the justice system like that. But on the other hand, I don't think that someone would be willing to go to such an extent for no good reason. Even if it's not true, perhaps your grandparents truly believed that taking you into their custody was the best option for you. Even if your dad is perfectly capable of being a good father, perhaps there was just something he did or something about him that made your grandparents doubt he would be able to raise you well and give you the best life that you could possibly have.
Also, whose side of the story have you been hearing the most from? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but the way this post was worded I'm assuming it's mostly your father filling you in on the struggle he's had to try and get you back all these years. I know you're extremely upset by learning about all that has happened, and rightfully so of course. But I do think you should consider sitting down with you grandparents and calmly asking them what happened and why it happened. It might take time to get to the point where you're ready to have that conversation, and that's perfectly okay. But I do think it might give you more perspective as to who's the "bad guy" here. Maybe neither your grandfather or your dad is the bad guy. Maybe they just both wanted the best for you.

Just stay strong. You know these people, you know what they've each done for your in your life. I think it might take a lot of time to process but I do believe that you will be able to find acceptance eventually. Perhaps talking to a counselor or writing in a journal would help you to sort out your feelings.


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Re: Heavy shit - January 11th 2018, 04:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jess~ View Post
That is very heavy new knowledge to have to deal with, and I am so sorry you're currently struggling with this.
Well if there's anything good that has come of this it's that you and your biological father are back in touch. I think that's really great on its own, despite the unfortunate circumstances.
One thing you said that really caught my attention was how your grandfather has always been this rock in your life before. Now, it would be one thing if your grandparents quite literally stole you from your dad and treated you miserably for the entirety of your life. That was what I assumed was going on as I was reading this. But the fact that you grandfather was such a vital part of your life all this time does mean something.
Yes, what he did was unfair to both you and your father and it is quite disgusting that he was able, and willing, to play the justice system like that. But on the other hand, I don't think that someone would be willing to go to such an extent for no good reason. Even if it's not true, perhaps your grandparents truly believed that taking you into their custody was the best option for you. Even if your dad is perfectly capable of being a good father, perhaps there was just something he did or something about him that made your grandparents doubt he would be able to raise you well and give you the best life that you could possibly have.
Also, whose side of the story have you been hearing the most from? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but the way this post was worded I'm assuming it's mostly your father filling you in on the struggle he's had to try and get you back all these years. I know you're extremely upset by learning about all that has happened, and rightfully so of course. But I do think you should consider sitting down with you grandparents and calmly asking them what happened and why it happened. It might take time to get to the point where you're ready to have that conversation, and that's perfectly okay. But I do think it might give you more perspective as to who's the "bad guy" here. Maybe neither your grandfather or your dad is the bad guy. Maybe they just both wanted the best for you.

Just stay strong. You know these people, you know what they've each done for your in your life. I think it might take a lot of time to process but I do believe that you will be able to find acceptance eventually. Perhaps talking to a counselor or writing in a journal would help you to sort out your feelings.
Honestly I've been hearing more from my parents though I've dug up some old court records and some of his old letters from his attorneys. As for playing the system, I wouldn't doubt it. I've seem him did it before when I've been arrested. Had a meltdown once and a cop responded by hitting me in the back of the head so I bit a chunk out of his leg. Crooked county there so he paid the judge off to get me off the hook. Seen lots of other suspicious stuff that I don't really wanna say online too. Heard some things from my grandmother that really make me question just how up and up he really is too. I do anymore. I had a meltdown while driving a while back though. Turning my car astound in the driveway because I don't like to back out and I hit one of his houses that I was staying at which busted the water main and caused several thousand dollars in damage so he kicked me out on the streets and cut me off. Even though he could easily cover the damages
   
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