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ghostlytoes Offline
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Name: Charlie
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Unhappy Should I move out? - January 20th 2018, 02:54 AM

I'm 16 and I just recently moved from a small community in Manitoba to Kingston, Ontario. I've been attending a local high school and I absolutely hate it.

Other kids refuse to talk or engage with me, even if we have to for the class. I've been called slurs and been made fun of 'behind my back' and kids pretend to be nice to me, only to say hurtful things when they think I'm not listening.

I have severe social anxiety and moving to a new high school has been incredibly rough on my mental health, to the point where I've had panic attacks and I've gone to school crying my eyes out because I don't want to go.

I've asked to transfer to another school because I know a few kids there but my parents refused, saying that the school wasn't very nice, even though the other school outranks my current one. My parents don't listen when I complain about how bad i'm treated at school, or how unhappy I am, they just claim that I'm being 'moody' or 'negative'

My boyfriend (we've been best friends for 11 years) and a handful of close friends live in a small air force town called Trenton, (which is 45 minutes away from Kingston), and they have arranged for me to live with him and his grandparents for the rest of grade 11 and then also grade 12.

My problem is that my parents won't let me go willingly, even though by staying in Kingston, my health is just going to get worse and my friends are worried i'll become suicidal. I really don't like Kingston and I want to go be happy in Trenton, but I don't want my parents to be upset or angry with me.

Should I move out? Or should I just suck it up and finish high school in Kingston?

Last edited by Fading Light.; January 21st 2018 at 07:18 AM. Reason: Moving to a more appropriate forum.
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Re: Should I move out? - January 20th 2018, 11:19 PM

Hi Charlie!

First of all welcome to Ontario! I'm also an Ontarian. You're only 16, so you'd be unable to support yourself if you were to move out. Ontario is expensive rent wise so there's no way you would be able to support yourself. I would consider talking to your parents again and explain exactly what's going on. You should see if there is a counsellor at your school to talk to and maybe you guys can come up with some strategies? I hope this helps!

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Re: Should I move out? - January 21st 2018, 03:12 PM

Do you think you could talk to your parents again to explain how you're feeling? You could let them know that you're mistreated at school and it is impacting your health. You said you've already talked to them but sometimes parents need time to let things absorb an then they end up changing their minds.

It sounds like living with your boyfriend and his grandparents would be a secure and safe living environment for you for the next few years. Perhaps you could discuss this when you talk to your parents again. Maybe you could write your parents a note if they don't listen to you when you verbalize it?

Whether you move out or not is completely up to you but just remember that it is important to put yourself first and do what is best for you.

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Re: Should I move out? - January 21st 2018, 09:26 PM

Hey there,

I live in the USA so my advice/thoughts are going to be about experiences I have had in my country. You might want to look up you countries laws to make certain that you are getting the most accurate information.

In the USA, there are plenty of kids who move in with friend's and family and there are different ways that they are able to do this. My family took in one of my brothers friends for about two years. He had no where to go because his uncle's were abusive and kicked him out. Because his uncle's didn't really care about where he went he was able to stay with us without any problems. However, if his uncle's or other family had made a big deal about it he would have had to go back to them or prove that he was able to provide for himself and be emancipated. There are plenty of teens who are able to move in with friend's and relatives because their parents do not object. If the parents object the teens have to go through a lot to be able to stay where they are at.

I know that the USA allows you to be emancipated but you have to be able to prove that you have a place to stay and an income of some time. You might, also, have to meet a certain age requirement but I am not 100% certain.

If you want to move in with your friend your best option is to get your parents to agree. The reason being that they would continue to provide for your needs and because you wouldn't have to jump through any hoops to move out. I think writing a letter would be a great idea as well. I know, for me, writing letters has helped me express things that I was unable to say.

It might be a good idea to talk to a school counselor as well. If they know what you are dealing with they might be able to provide you with resources that the school offers. If not, they might be able to have a 'family' session with your parents and advise them on what the best course of action would be.

If you are unable to get out of your current living/school situation maybe you could try and find ways to cope? I know I have been in some unhappy living situations (they were contributing to my mental illness being exacerbated) and so I would try and do things to distract myself such as listening to music, reading, seeing movies and going window shopping. For me, getting out of the house was my way of trying to cope.

I know this is difficult and I am sorry there are no real easy answers. I hope that you and your parents are able to come up with a solution. You deserve to be heard and you deserve to be in a school where you feel safe.

I am here if you ever want to chat.

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