TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

I'm even resorting to tinder to find a new best friend now. - February 23rd 2018, 01:27 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

But they won't be like her.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
Users of TeenHelp have rated post 1314465 as the most helpful or liked. Click here to skip right to it!
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,586
Blog Entries: 1757
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: I'm even resorting to tinder to find a new best friend now. - February 23rd 2018, 07:23 PM

No one is going to be like her. I know how hard it is to accept the fact that you won't meet someone like her but by not accepting that no two people are the same you are preventing yourself from meeting people who can provide you with friendship but in a different way.

If every single person was the same and every friendship was the same the world would be boring. I have lost friend's and it took those losses for me to realize that losing one person does not mean I cannot find other friends and sometimes friend's who turn out to be kinder or support me in a different way.

By focusing on finding someone just like her you are going to close yourself off to meeting anyone. The minute the person says or does something that isn't like her you are going to end up not making an effort. This will lead to you cutting off people who could be good friendships.

To be honest, I don't think that tinder is the best place to try and find a friend. I have heard that a lot of the people there tend to be interested in other things and if you aren't looking for those things as well it could lead to greater hurt and confusion.

Another thing I should point out is that you put your happiness in this one person. No one has the ability to be another person's happiness. You have to find happiness and a reason to keep going outside of your friendship with her. The truth is that if you rely so much on one person being your sole happiness it can lead to both you and the other person feeling overwhelmed. If you are able to find a balance between friendships and finding other ways to be happy it will be better for you and any friendships that might develop.

Best regards.


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Ambedo. Offline
I'm as sane as I ever was.

Outside, huh?
**********
 
Ambedo.'s Avatar
 
Name: Sam
Age: 25
Gender: Female

Posts: 3,572
Blog Entries: 26
Join Date: July 19th 2011

Re: I'm even resorting to tinder to find a new best friend now. - February 24th 2018, 01:56 AM

No two friendships will ever be exactly alike. While that can be a difficult thing to accept after losing someone important to you, there really is a beauty to the concept. Everyone has something different to bring to your life and has the opportunity to make a different, positive impact on you. When you're feeling down about losing your friend, try to focus on that instead. There are people out there that need someone like you in your life and there are people that can offer something wonderful to your life, even if it's not exactly what you thought you were looking for.

Rather than looking for someone to replace your friend or fill the exact hole that she left in your life, look for people that fit into your life in different ways. As people grow, they change. It's entirely possible that you need certain qualities in a friend now that you didn't even realize you were missing. Perhaps you can make a list of the 5 most important qualities to you in a friend and put your attention on finding people who fit those needs, rather than looking for someone who is similar to your old friend.

Also, I have to agree with Jenna - I'm not sure that Tinder is the best place to find friendship. For the most part, Tinder is a dating app, so you may find yourself meeting people there with intentions that are different to yours. If going out and meeting people in your community is something that you're hesitant to do, I believe there are apps out there specifically for meeting new friends, so I'd recommend doing some research and trying one of those if that's the platform you feel most comfortable using.

Take care!


wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
~Radio Flyer~ Offline
Please call that story back.

I've been here a while
********
 
~Radio Flyer~'s Avatar
 
Name: Violet
Gender: Other
Location: Koolibah tree

Posts: 1,340
Blog Entries: 461
Join Date: May 12th 2016

Re: I'm even resorting to tinder to find a new best friend now. - February 25th 2018, 12:10 PM

I have a couple of questions for you

Are you looking for a romantic partner? Is that why you're trying to find someone like her? And looking specifically for women as opposed to any other gender?
Because when I think of people finding friends, they usually go anywhere to meet people. Not specifically dating sites. It is ok if you're looking to date but maybe make that clear so we know what you're talking about

Secondly, what are you looking for with these threads?
What do you need right now that will help you move forward?
Is you talking and users telling you to move on, even helpful?
What are your goals moving forward?
Do you need help planning and staying motivated towards a goal?

Do you want suggestions or do you want motivation?
What can we do as a community to help? You've been here long enough to know the things we can and can't do. We can't force you to get professional help and we are not professionals. We cant tell you that self destructive behsviors is the way to go. Bit we cant stop you from doing self destructive things.

We can give you support and suggestions and pep talks. We can hold space for you to have your feelings and we can offer insight and possibly resources. From these things, what would you like for us to do?
   
4 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: I'm even resorting to tinder to find a new best friend now. - February 28th 2018, 06:22 AM

Basically,I am an overprotected asian kid who lost his reason to live after his best friend left him.She's back now. But is she really back?

-She blocked me on instagram.
-She never talks to me first. I ALWAYS message her first.
- She refuses to reply me at times.

... So.. yeah. It's still the same.

For me,the most important qualities are

-warm of heart
-nice
-kind
-loves animals
-likes books, movies and anything I like
-Introduces me to food cafes.
-Introduces me to new things.

All that was found in one girl.. who might or might not only have agreed to meet me again because she knew about my suicide plans.

For me, the worst case scenario always happens. ALWAYS.

Btw... trying to come to terms with how things are... nearly led to me finishing myself off last saturday. so.... impossible.

So far, the people I met on tinder were not my kind of people. I have tried my best. But sadly.. its not going to work out.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,586
Blog Entries: 1757
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: I'm even resorting to tinder to find a new best friend now. - February 28th 2018, 01:14 PM

I am curious if you realize that a lot of the things you found in her can be found in other people but in a different way than her.

You want someone with a warm heart. This can be hard to find but there are plenty of people out there who are kind and do care.
There are people that love animals. They might not like the same animals that she did/does but they might be able to introduce you to new animals etc.
There are people that enjoy books and movies to varying degrees. They might not like them as much as she did or they might not like the same ones as she did but they can introduce you to some new and good movies and books.
There are probably a lot of people out there who can introduce you to new food cafe's. I have a few friend's who have done this for me. I have one friend that introduced me to tofu, another friend that introduced me to crawfish and a restaurant in town that sells them. Most people have different food tastes so if they meet someone who has not tried something they will encourage them to check it out if they think the person will enjoy it.
Most friendships lead to people being introduced to new things. New books, movies, foods etc. No two friendships are the same and because of that each new friendship will likely introduce you to a number of new things.

None of the new people you meet will be EXACTLY like her but they can still have some of the same attributes as her but in different ways. New friend's always bring something new to the table but that doesn't mean that new/different is a bad thing.

It's possible that the reason the people on tinder were not your kind of people is because they are looking for something different than you. I am uncertain if you are utilizing tinder in hopes of finding a romantic partner as you've stated a few times that you and this girl were not romantically involved. If you are interested in a romantic relationship with someone it still does not mean you will find them on tinder because the majority of people on tinder tend to be looking for hookups and as such they don't tend to be too open with people that talk to on the site etc. Sometimes those hook ups lead to relationships but if you are interested in getting to know someone before taking that step it's likely you will have to stay on tinder or any dating site for quite some time before you find someone interested in the same thing.

I know it's difficult to lose a friendship but you are hanging on to this friendship. You say it's bad/dangerous for you to try and let go of the friendship and it has led to you having negative thoughts about harming yourself. If that is the case than it's probably best for you to consider going to a place such as a hospital where they can keep you safe while you work on trying to move on from the friendship.

Have you looked into counseling? It has been suggested by a lot of people and you say you will look into it. That is probably one of the best ways you will be able to work on trying to move forward. The therapist could help you work through it and if you became too harmful towards yourself while doing so the therapist could help you find a safe place. I know you mentioned that doctors don't care and the fact is that there are a lot of doctors who don't care. When I have met doctors that don't care or who have been harmful to my recovery I have had to find other ones to see. It is definitely a frustrating process and tedious but it can be worth it to find a doctor who cares and can help.

A lot of people have been responding to your posts but none of us can make you try/do the things that have been suggested. We can only do so much to provide you with assistance and while I believe that the people responding want to help you they can't do much else than give you suggestions and supportive words.

You mention that this friend is 'back now' and you ask 'is she really back?' My question is, do you want someone to continue being friends with you because they are worried you won't do well without them? Friendships are so much healthier and all around better when both people are in the friendship because they want to. I have stayed in friendships out of fear in the past and the support I used to provide the friends decreased and I would sometimes get a bit more frustrated with them than usual. I know you think this girl is the only way you will be happy but from my own personal experience, if she stays even though she isn't truly invested in the friendship it is likely going to lead to you being hurt again.

It might help if you sit down and think about what you need to improve...what you need outside of this friendship. It might help if you sit down and figure out what you are looking for when you post threads here as well.

Best regards.


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
********
 
Green Yoshi's Avatar
 
Name: carwithnogas
Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

Posts: 1,885
Blog Entries: 18
Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: I'm even resorting to tinder to find a new best friend now. - February 28th 2018, 01:29 PM

Your last part is the reason why I have given up on life. If she's not invested,I have literally nothing left in real life.

So... yeah.

I have already looked into counseling, but all they talked about is how empty.. and..... lonely I am.

Thanks. You have been sweet to me. So... I hope that you'll always be happy. Despite me being such a pain.

I don't know about my final fate.Chances of it being bad are extremely high. But.. I can see it coming.

Much Kindness and warmth,
Darren.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
find, friend, resorting, tinder

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.