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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Virgil Offline
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Family issues - March 2nd 2018, 02:47 AM

My family's really fucked up. My biological dad doesn't give a shit, first of all. He just cares about his soda addiction. I'm serious. He's been an hour late to pick me up from things because he needed a fix. He used to physically abuse me as a child, too; I would go to school with bruises all down my legs. My mom is overbearing and authoritarian. She casually insults us by calling me and my sister bitches, assholes, and other generic swears. She talks about how she regrets having kids in front of us. She also likes to remind me that I have no rights and that she owns me. My stepdad is verbally abusive, and he takes every opportunity to point out my shortcomings. Nothing I do is ever good enough for him. He blatantly favors my half-sister, his child. I'm not even allowed to look at her. Then again, I'm also not allowed out of my room, so what was I really expecting?! They have this thing where my stepdad, mom, and half-sister get into the car, and then they drive down the driveway before letting me and my sister get in. And they act like it's totally normal. I'm just done with all three of them. Usually I just try to cut the feelings away, but I have to talk about this. Why can't they love me like normal parents?! I seriously need advice on how to survive. Of course, on the off chance everything they say is true and I'm just being a whiny little bitch posting this, don't be afraid to call me out on it.
   
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Re: Family issues - March 2nd 2018, 09:58 PM

You're definitely not a whiny little bitch for posting this. Hopefully posting this and talking about your feelings and what you're going through helped, even if only a little bit.

It is really hard when your parents, the people who are supposed to love, care for you, and protect you, are the ones that mistreat you instead. Your parents are supposed to be safe people and when they're not it's incredibly difficult. Luckily, you will get to a point where you can pick and make the family that you want. For instance, you can choose your sister, friends, or anyone else. Family doesn't have to be biological and a lot of the times family is definitely not biological. Sometimes biological people mean nothing.

You said you aren't allowed out of your bedroom. Can you make your bedroom a safe and comfortable place to reflect? Here is an article on creating a safe space that you may benefit from checking out. If you make your room appealing and inviting in ways that you can it may feel like a safe getaway as opposed to being a prison you're not allowed out of.

You said you have a sister. Can you lean on her? Maybe the two of you can be a support system for each other so you don't have to do this alone. Perhaps she feels similarly to you.

This may seem small but sometimes it helps to plan what you want to do after you leave an abusive household, as a plan and as a way to escape. For example, you can plan what kind of house you'd want, what it would look like. You can think about the pets you'd have and the job you'd want. Sometimes it helps enforce the fact that there's a whole world and a whole life waiting for you outside your abusive home.

Keeping you in my thoughts.


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Re: Family issues - March 4th 2018, 08:16 AM

Pretty much everything said above

I'm so sorry you've got to go through all this. You are not whiny at all for coming out with this- you are brave and deserve to feel loved and have support through this time.

If your sister is feeling the same way, I'd see about getting together with her and being there for each other. It'd be a good way to talk about what you are going through with someone IRL, which can significantly help during these times. It could also help her out, and generally become a positive thing for the two of you.

If you're in school, it might be a good idea to reach out to a counselor or a teacher to help you out with this. It might be a little daunting, but it's an option if things get really bad or things become too much.

Never feel ashamed about wanting to talk about this, it's not wrong in any way and you are certainly not whiny for needing to. Feel free to talk about this here any time you need to wishing you well!
   
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