Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
Beauty and Bedlam
Jeez, get a life!
Heathen's Avatar
Name: Jordan
Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 5,471
Blog Entries: 635
Join Date: January 6th 2009

How do I handle this situation? - March 2nd 2018, 05:16 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm friends with D. D recently made a post about how they were abused by a friend of ours, R. This was hard for them because R is so well known and liked in our community. Although other people have come forward about being abused by R it's generally been kept pretty quiet, until now. Now more people's voices are being heard in regards to R's conduct, and it's becoming clear his behavior is not okay.

I was never really attached to R. He's good-looking, charming, and charismatic, but he's rather arrogant and that was always a bit of a turn-off. However, I do really like his girlfriend, P. I've known P long before I knew R and I always liked her. She is a genuinely kind and caring person and she'd never hurt a soul. I haven't spoken to her about the accusations against her boyfriend, but I know she's aware of them. I worry about how it's affecting her.

The thing is, I really support D with everything I've got. Their story needs to be heard. But I also don't want to jeopardize my friendship with P. In addition, R and P were just made the godparents of the baby of some VERY good friends of mine and I don't want to lose their friendship either; I'd be devastated.


The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
  Send a message via Yahoo to Heathen  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Ambedo. Offline
I'm as sane as I ever was.

Outside, huh?
Ambedo.'s Avatar
Name: Sam
Age: 25
Gender: Female

Posts: 3,572
Blog Entries: 26
Join Date: July 20th 2011

Re: How do I handle this situation? - March 2nd 2018, 08:38 AM

This is a really tricky situation and it definitely sounds like something that needs to be handled delicately.

Perhaps you could reach out to P and ask her how she's doing in general. By starting the conversation with a less direct question about the comments that have been made about R, she may end up opening up about it without you having to prompt her to do it. If she doesn't, it's still okay to ask her how she's holding up amidst all the drama. It doesn't make you a bad friend to D or mean that you're any less concerned about the things that they've opened up about. It just means you're being a friend to someone that you care about who is, unfortunately, closely connected to the perpetrator.

That being said, I would definitely recommend keeping your thoughts on the things that you've been told neutral when talking to P. If she asks you a direct question about your thoughts on the situation that is unfolding, answer with gentle honesty by saying something like "D is my friend and I believe them, but there's no reason for that to affect our friendship." If she doesn't ask for your opinion, on the other hand, keep it to yourself unless you find it absolutely necessary to say something. If she is sensitive about it, putting uninvited thoughts out there may put her on the defense or stop her from opening up about things altogether.

As for your other friends, it might be best to handle it on a case by case basis. If they're unaware of what's been said about R so far, don't be the one to break the news to them. If they are aware of it, offer support where you can without undermining the support that you have for D and others in your community who have experienced similar abuse from R.

At the end of the day, the stories of those who have been abused definitely deserve to be heard, but those who hear them will choose how they want to respond to the situation. The best thing that you can do is to be an advocate for D and others while continuing to provide a listening ear and open conversations to your friends who are closely tied to R as they figure out what their next steps will be.

wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
Closed Thread


handle, situation

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.