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Virgil Offline
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My dad is being investigated - May 3rd 2018, 02:53 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So yeah, my dad is being investigated for physical and sexual abuse, directed at me and my sister, respectively. A part of me is glad it's all finally over. But I can't shake myself out of being down about it. I feel like I should have known what was going on with him and my sister. I feel bad for all the perfectly nice people this is going to affect, like my grandma, who I may not be able to see. And a part of me almost didn't want things to change. I preferred it when I knew what to expect from him. But now, he's a loose cannon waiting to blow. He's been stalkerish in the past, when my mom divorced him. I'm scared that he'll do sonething drastic.
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Re: My dad is being investigated - May 4th 2018, 01:11 PM

It must feel like your brain and thoughts are pulling you in a few different directions but hopefully sharing some of this helped, even if only a little bit.

It's not your fault. It isn't your fault for not knowing what was going on with your sister. Abusers are so skillful and good at what they do; they take great measures to cover their tracks. It is okay that you didn't know. Many people surrounding the abuse don't know that it is occurring.

You're right in that this will impact people such as your grandmother but that isn't on you either. Your dad chose to do these things and any consequences from that are completely on him. This is his fault.

I don't know if this is true for everyone but I know that in my case, when there was an investigation, the police watched my abuser closely (e.g. sat in front of the house, his job, etc). They may do the same for your father, especially if you tell them that you're afraid of retaliation.

Investigations for abuse can be really hard for all those involved but you and your sister will make it through this. Keeping you in my thoughts.

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