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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
I'm only human...

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Name: Court
Age: 27
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Why doesn't my dad like me? - May 28th 2018, 10:44 PM

No matter what I do nothing is ever good enough. I finally get a decent job and he thinks it's not good enough. It's a nice office job, full time, but it's temporary and that isn't good enough for him. He gets ticked off if I sit in a certain chair and makes me move out of said chair when he wants to sit down. He's constantly yelling and picking at me, talking about how much I eat and how I never do anything around the house. I know I could lose weight but he doesn't need to tell me how to eat, and I sure as hell do a lot around the house, even though I'm working full time I do everything that they expected of me when I didn't even have a job. Clean the kitchen, do up the dishes, clean the litter boxes, etc.... I don't know what I do to deserve his treatment of me. He gets ticked off if I, God forbid, don't jump as soon as he says to do something, like get him a glass for his tea, even though I'm in the living room and he in the kitchen where the glasses are. Why can't he just be supportive and be a good dad?


I can do it
I'll get through it
But Iím only human
And I bleed when I fall down
Iím only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause Iím only human, yeah

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Why doesn't my dad like me? - May 29th 2018, 12:34 AM

Hey Court,



I am so sorry that your dad does this too you. Is it just your dad that does this? Or do other people in your family do the dame thing? I know how you feel I am also never good enough for my grandpa, he does the same exact thing your dad does except make me get him stuff. So for me I have been told to just ignore him and not to take what he says personal. I think the best thing to do is try and stay away from him. Also about the chair I know it is petty and childish but I would say just stay out of it when he is home that way he wont have to tell you to move leading you to get mad.



I am not sure how much this advice is going to help, because I still struggle with this. But I do hope some of this helps. Also if you ever need to talk or vent you know how to get a hold of me on here or else where.



Your Friend,

Frankie<3



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Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend"
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Re: Why doesn't my dad like me? - May 29th 2018, 02:14 AM

My dad is the same way and it took me a long time to realize he had the problem, not me. I also know that he is this way with pretty much the entire world, so it's definitely not me. When my whole grad school nightmare happened and he was still like this, instead of the least bit supportive of what I was going through, that was my last straw. I was dealing with enough without him adding to it, so I limited contact. I message him on Facebook, but that's it. No phone calls, and I haven't been to visit him in years, but he's coming soon so I'm not sure how i'm going to handle it.

I eventually realized that if bringing it up with him didn't change anything and nothing was ever going to please him, and he was going to have something negative to say no matter what I said, did, or thought, I was going to do what was best for me, and let him be upset about it. I would suggest limiting contact as much as possible, if moving out isn't an option, do the best you can to avoid him.


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Re: Why doesn't my dad like me? - June 19th 2018, 12:22 PM

So sorry to hear what you are going through. Well, may be some people are just like that.
   
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Re: Why doesn't my dad like me? - June 21st 2018, 10:10 PM

Sorry that you have to experience this from your dad. I think your dad has a problem, just don't mind him. Just be the best you can be and don't mind him
   
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Re: Why doesn't my dad like me? - June 28th 2018, 07:19 PM

Have you ever talked to your dad about why he is like that? Even if he does it to other people, when he gets mad, you could calmly be like "dad, please don't yell at me, I have done nothing wrong, if you keep yelling, I am not going to get you your glass of water because I don't want to be abused by not rushing to do this thing", and if he keeps yelling, leave the room. When he is calm, you could calmly and politely ask him about why he is so prone to yelling at you. Something like "Dad, I need to ask you about something. Please let me say what I need to say before you respond. I want to why do you get upset and even yell at me so often. I feel like you yell at me for things that don't warrant such a reaction, like not getting you a drink fast enough or being in your chair. It also really hurts that you're constantly so critical of me, I was proud of myself for getting a job, even though it's only a temporary/contract job, it was a big accomplishment for me, it really hurt that you were critical of it and made it seem like it wasn't good enough. I am not sure why you react so negatively in such situations, using that same example, if the issue was that you wish I had a permanent job so I don't have to worry about looking for another job later, why did you have to make me feel bad about it? That was the job I could get, and it's going to help me leverage it into a permanent job later because I'll have more experience, but you made me feel personally responsible for having a temporary job, as if that's bad, but I'm working and doing something with my life and I wish you could have been proud of me instead. You're frequent negative reactions to me make me feel like you don't love me and I feel confused and hurt a lot."

You could write that down in a letter form and make a copy for him so that if it goes badly, you can walk away and be like "I just wanted to talk, but I can see you're getting upset, here is the rest of what I wanted to say, I don't want to keep talking if you're going to yell and make me uncomortable, so I am going to go and we can talk more later".

Hopefully if he realizes the impact he's having, he can be more mindful.

If your mom is around, I would recommend having her nearby to mediate
   
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