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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I don't know where I should go. - July 4th 2018, 02:59 PM

So, recently one of my friends and I got in to an argument. Now this friend, I'll admit, isn't a very close one. We hangout every one and again, and see each other around the business where my husband works, because they work there too. So I wouldn't say I know this person *very* well. This entire situation got started because the company recently hired a new person, and I don't really care much for them. (We will call my 'friend' F and the new person H) F is obsessed with H. I'm talking, loves everything they do, loves them, their family. It's insane considering they've just met.

I personally (and will admit) that sometimes I'm not the most open of individuals. Normally the first impression I get from you pretty much determines if I decide to be your friend or not, and after that first impression it takes a lot to change my mind. Clearly, my impression of H wasn't the greatest. I don't think they are a bad person or anything, but just not my cup of tea. I wouldn't say I hate them, or even dislike them, but that I just have no interest in seeing out a friendship or anything.

So F didn't like this. He tried to argue with me about the situation saying that I should give H a chance, and that they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. I tried my best to explain to him that I didn't mind H, I just didn't want to become friends with them. (It didn't go well.) Somehow, between arguing about this, it turned in to something totally different. To make a very very long story the shortest I can, he said somethings I found not only very anger inducing, but down right idiotic and offensive.

I never realized how self centered this person could be, and in this instance, it was very very apparent. I was livid by the time I removed myself from the situation. I know that F is a very argumentative person, and I know that nothing you can say can change his mind, and I wasn't trying to change his mind, I was just trying to get him to understand what I was thinking/feeling. Clearly this was a lost cause.

Anyway, fast forward a few days, and I end up running in to F. Now there is no excuse for the fact that I was rude, and I'm not trying to make one, but on this day, I was in a lot of pain. I wasn't feeling well AT ALL. On top of this I was stressed to the max, and still had to deal with more crap on top of all of that. F came up to my car as I was dropping off my husband for work and I snapped at him. Told him to 'fuck off' pretty much.

Later in to the shift, my husband said that F was really hurt by how I reacted. Stating that 'he likes me' and that 'he didn't want to lose me as a friend.' He was just 'play arguing' and 'didn't think I was actually upset.'

I felt bad after hearing this, because clearly, I didn't intend for him to be this hurt buy it, but truly, I don't know if I could go back to being friends with F, at least not like before, after hearing all he had to say. I'm just not sure what to do, but I feel very guilty about it. I'm thinking about saying sorry, but I don't know how to do that, and still be firm in my reslove to not be friends with F.

My husband says maybe just tell him I was upset about what he had said, and that I just need my space until I figure things out, but I don't know if that's right for me on this situation. My husband is friends with F. I know I will end up seeing him around often, and I don't plan on being rude or hostile towards him, but I feel like I should make myself clear that I just don't think I can be friends with him after seeing what he thinks of others.

F is also very animated and loves loves loves drama. He loves to gossip, argue, and if he thinks he can do it, stir the pot between two people just for kicks. Now, I pretty much already knew this before this argument, but I didn't realize how bad it was before hand. I'm not about that life. I like things to be easy, and peaceful, and I like to blend in to the background. The two of us are totally different. After seeing just how different, I'm just at a loss.

My husband thinks I should continue to be friends with him, because in his eyes, I can say I'm friends, and be friendly in front of F, but not put anymore effort in to the relationship than that. I don't have to hangout, or call or text. Just see him when I do, and that's the end of it, but can I really do that? That feels fake to me, almost like a lie. I don't want to hurt F's feelings, truly, but I don't want there to be any confusion on the matter. I simply didn't realize we were so different, and I don't think we can have a friendship because of it.

Anyway, sorry for carrying on so long. I'm just truly confused about this entire situation. I want things to be easy, and calm. I really can't handle anymore stress or frustration. I just want things calm, and right now, they aren't at all. please help.
   
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Re: I don't know where I should go. - July 8th 2018, 12:20 AM

This is a hard situation to be in. It seems like it's a situation where you cannot win. I think you need to do what you are most comfortable with. If you don't feel that you and this person can be friend's then you do not have to be their friend. They might get upset and their feelings might be hurt but you have to do what is most comfortable for you. You said that you'd be uncomfortable pretending to be their friend and I can understand that. I struggle with being friendly towards people I don't truly like or get along with. I am not rude and it seems like you would be rude either. It is a tough situation to be in but do what is best for you.


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Re: I don't know where I should go. - August 2nd 2018, 10:06 AM

You need to listen to yourself and then you will find the answer.
   
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