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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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How should I deal with my resentment towards my dad for always yelling? - July 12th 2018, 04:07 PM

I'm a 20 year old male and wanted advice on an issue. Now to start off, my dad wants the best for me and tells me a lot that he is proud of me and loves me and gives me a lot of support(academically/financially). However, when I screw up, he tends to yell(I mean yell/shout) at me pretty strongly and berates me(saying I don't care about anything, which isn't true as i do well in uni and etc) as he is kind of a perfectionist. When I was a teenager, I left my room unclean a lot and he would yell at me to clean it and on two occasions, he's called me useless/worthless due to it. No, I don't think he means it, his anger gets the better of him and times, he's told me he doesn't like yelling to make me feel bad or something but that doesn't make it hurt less and sometimes, thinking about it makes me on the edge of tearing up as it really hurts emotionally. Recently, we were going to meet the president of my country(niger) and we had to wear these long arab styled robes to appear formal. I was wearing shorts underneath and when my dad saw that, he got super angry and nearly swore and screamed at me to change(he probably thought I was being disrespectful but I only go to my home country for vacation and didn't know you could not wear shorts underneath/did not mean to show I don't care but i couldn't explain myself) and asked if I'm stupid or something. This recent yelling hurts as my dad isn't interested in hearing me explain myself and I have to silently take his yelling as I'm too scared to say anything. I am still feeling resentful at this recent yelling and expect more, but I really don't like dealing with it. I was wondering, what should I do in this situation?
   
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Re: How should I deal with my resentment towards my dad for always yelling? - July 13th 2018, 04:08 PM

Hello, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon. When someone is always yelling at you all of the time over everything it is not a good feeling to have. And I am so sorry that you're dad is doing that to you. Can you try talking with him about this and letting him know that it is not a good feeling when he's doing this to you? You can try talking with him when he is in a good mood and you are at home and ask to just talk to him about something and when he starts yelling at you, do you're best to not yell back and stay calm if you can. I know that it is hard to be calm when someone is yelling at you. Or if you want to try writing him a letter and you can put everything in it and then at the end of the letter ask to talk to him. Or if you are able to talk to you're mom or if you have any siblings to talk to you and they can come with you to talk with him.


Also when he starts yelling at you over anything, try you're best to not yell back at him. You can try taking a few deep breaths, you can count to ten or try walking away from what is happening and then when you're dad is not so upset you can try talking to him again. I hope that you will be okay soon.


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