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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TH Anonymous Offline
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Keep going back - October 25th 2018, 11:34 PM

[SIZE="a"]I don't know what to do anymore. I had these two people in my life once upon a time. They meant so much to me; but things didn't work out so well between me and them. It's been a while since I last reached out to them, and I haven't thought of them in about a week. But suddenly the painful feelings of missing them has come back full force and I don't know what to do. I looked on their social media accounts, I even Googled something pertaining to mail. I just feel like this is a huge relapse and I will never stop relapsing.

Help, what should I do? This is the worst it has been in a long time, probably since about thirteen months ago.
[/size]
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Keep going back - October 28th 2018, 01:32 AM

[SIZE="a"]Anyone?



/10char[/size]
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Keep going back - October 29th 2018, 05:09 PM

Have you thought about reaching out to these people just to make amends or to let them know you miss them?
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Keep going back - October 31st 2018, 10:27 AM

What is problem chumming with your friends? I dont understand problem?
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Re: Keep going back - November 1st 2018, 08:06 PM

[SIZE="a"]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte View Post
Have you thought about reaching out to these people just to make amends or to let them know you miss them?
No, reaching out to them is not an option. They have made it pretty clear that they want nothing to do with me and have both moved on with their lives.

I would really appreciate it if someone, anyone, could help me find ways to cope whenever this feeling returns. I haven't had it for about a week now, but I know that can change from a simple trigger.

Please help me. I need to move on from these people, and it's really a pain in the butt.
[/size]
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Keep going back - November 2nd 2018, 04:47 PM

There's no solid way to move on from losing a friend (partner, family member, whatever), especially if they dumped you and want nothing to do with you. It sucks, because you still like them but they don't want to hear it.

Theoretically, you could try to reach out and talk to them and apologize for whatever happened. I wouldn't go in with expectations though if you're pretty sure they're done with you -- if you go in being like "I'm soo sorry, let's please be friends again", they're probably going to get mad and feel like your apology is a manipulation and not a genuine attempt to just apologize and let the relationship repair naturally. Even if y'all can't get back to where you were, at least by trying to repair things, you might be able to get to a place where you don't feel so alienated and hurt.

You could also try to get new relationships, like spend time with other friends, spent time on your hobbies, etc because investing in yourself will help. Just forcing yourself to move on can help. It's ok to sit with the pain and accept it hurts, but to tell yourself that X or Y is making you happy and forcing yourself to do it so that you're making youself move on even if, emotionally, you don't want to all the time.

You could also make a plan, like "if this person wants to come back into my life, will I let them?" and "what if I see them in the grocery store?" and "what if I have to have classes with them?" you can come up with achievable ways to handle it, such as some small talk things to say, and how you'll handle it if you're hurt when they don't seem as excited as you feel to see them (e.g. maybe make a playlist of music that can help to boost your mood)

If missing your friends is making it difficult to even function (e.g. you can't get homework done, hate your hobbies, can't invest in other relationships), at that point I think you are dealing with something akin to actual depression and you might want to get a therapist because therapy is great. I recommend therapy all the time, so please don't think I am saying this for potentially negative reasons; I have been in therapy for years, I don't go as much as I used to but I'll go for a few sessions to check in because, idk, eating disorder and anxiety and stuff. Therapy is literally amazing and super helpful and I highly recommend it for people such as yourself who have something going on that seems to be interfering with your ability to live your life fully.
   
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Re: Keep going back - November 9th 2018, 03:56 PM

I do not understand the problem
   
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Re: Keep going back - November 9th 2018, 05:15 PM

[SIZE="a"]I don't think there's anything I said in either of my posts that is too complex for comprehension. If you don't understand it, then that is your problem. Please do not post nonsense on my post. Thank you and goodbye.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte View Post
There's no solid way to move on from losing a friend (partner, family member, whatever), especially if they dumped you and want nothing to do with you. It sucks, because you still like them but they don't want to hear it.

Theoretically, you could try to reach out and talk to them and apologize for whatever happened. I wouldn't go in with expectations though if you're pretty sure they're done with you -- if you go in being like "I'm soo sorry, let's please be friends again", they're probably going to get mad and feel like your apology is a manipulation and not a genuine attempt to just apologize and let the relationship repair naturally. Even if y'all can't get back to where you were, at least by trying to repair things, you might be able to get to a place where you don't feel so alienated and hurt.

You could also try to get new relationships, like spend time with other friends, spent time on your hobbies, etc because investing in yourself will help. Just forcing yourself to move on can help. It's ok to sit with the pain and accept it hurts, but to tell yourself that X or Y is making you happy and forcing yourself to do it so that you're making youself move on even if, emotionally, you don't want to all the time.

You could also make a plan, like "if this person wants to come back into my life, will I let them?" and "what if I see them in the grocery store?" and "what if I have to have classes with them?" you can come up with achievable ways to handle it, such as some small talk things to say, and how you'll handle it if you're hurt when they don't seem as excited as you feel to see them (e.g. maybe make a playlist of music that can help to boost your mood)

If missing your friends is making it difficult to even function (e.g. you can't get homework done, hate your hobbies, can't invest in other relationships), at that point I think you are dealing with something akin to actual depression and you might want to get a therapist because therapy is great. I recommend therapy all the time, so please don't think I am saying this for potentially negative reasons; I have been in therapy for years, I don't go as much as I used to but I'll go for a few sessions to check in because, idk, eating disorder and anxiety and stuff. Therapy is literally amazing and super helpful and I highly recommend it for people such as yourself who have something going on that seems to be interfering with your ability to live your life fully.
Thanks, it's certainly not easy. I have last spoken to these people (and I should note I never met them in real life, they were only ever online friends) several years ago. I last tried reaching out in October of 2017, and got a satisfactory message from one of them. That should have been enough for me, and it was for a time; but now occasionally I will begin to wonder about them and miss them. Or I might read or see something that reminds me of them, but it takes me a minute to do so; and when I do, I feel all remorseful.

Thanks for helping, Latte. It's not conventional, in the way you assumed it to be; which is no problem! But it did help, so thank you!

This can be closed now.

[/size]
   
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Re: Keep going back - November 9th 2018, 09:08 PM

Dont understand this problem! too hard
   
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Re: Keep going back - November 9th 2018, 10:13 PM

Look, to the three random posters who just signed up and said "I don't understand" if you don't understand the post, then maybe you need some extra support in school/university or hire a private tutor to better your English skills.

Also, I don't see why you shouldn't, all of the OPs posts in this thread seem pretty straightforward to me: they are severely missing former friends and don't know how to move on. That seems like someone who is grieving over the loss of friends.
   
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Re: Keep going back - November 10th 2018, 12:07 PM

People come and go, accept this. You will have new friends who will really appreciate you.
   
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Re: Keep going back - November 11th 2018, 01:57 AM

Closed upon request from the OP.


   
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