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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My mother found a cigarette in my bin - December 4th 2020, 10:43 AM

I'm 16 and not a regular smoker, but the last few weeks I've been stuck with my mother at home. We really do not get along, just her presence pisses me off sometimes so in the last month I had a few cigs to calm myself down. Now my mom will tell my father, who has anger issues. As I said I'm not a smoker so what can i say to my parents to convince them that it's not such a big deal?

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Last edited by Ennui.; December 4th 2020 at 11:01 PM. Reason: Since cigarettes are a substance, I am moving this to the substance use forum so you can get better advice. :)
                   
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Re: My mother found a cigarette in my bin - December 4th 2020, 11:16 AM

Hello! Welcome to Teen Help.

Oh dear, how I sympathize with you. You were good to come and tell us what's been happening, and I kno, or rather remember my father having a nasty temper, but I think the best thing to do if you can is talk first to your mum.

I'm adopted but never got on with my parents either and had a father with similar issues.

Look your mum straight in the eye and explain why you smoked, say you were feeling very down at the time, but you aren't addicted to cigs at all, but they helped you at your time of need.

Your mum may rant off. Let her. Let her blow off steam and try not to interrupt. Once she's said - likely hurtful things as some manipulativ mothers can be, again, looking straight at her say sorry.

When we look at people, they can see how honest we are, and honest you've been. But your father is something else. I kno what my life was like, and mine through me round the room (until I whacked him real hard, then he left me alone after that) - but anyway, your defence mechanism is to shout back - at mum or dad. Try not to becuase a softly spoken answer cools tempers.

I hope you never have have to be on the defensiv, but here is a psychological ploy. If close up, fix your eyes on your dad's forehead in the space between his eyes, and talk clearly but quietly.

I don't know how, but that method doses work against an aggressor. I was tawt this by one of my two mums. One of them was a medically retired US Marine who showed me self-defence tactics you'd never find in a book. That tactic works. But I hope you never hvae to use it.

Remember, a quiet response won't cause anger back. Your mum if she sees reason will prolly tell you off - let her. It's just the way it is with awful parents I'm sorry to say. But I hope you will be okay and your mum realise you are genuinely sorry.

Sorry for my spelling but I'm glad there is a spell check on my laptop. Duzzant always work

Do come back and tell us how things are. Do stay with us, too. There ent nothing Teen Help can't tackle, and it's a GR8 community to hang out and be part of our online fam.

Best wishes,
Lots of love,
Wendi
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