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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Garyl Offline
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I don't want to hug - December 25th 2020, 09:58 PM

Ever since COVID hit, I have been extremely careful about who I have been in contact with, as has my immediate family. In fact, I pretty much don't leave my apartment, unless it's for a doctor's appointment or something. My "bubble" has three people: my best friend, my mom, and her husband. We had a lovely socially distanced Christmas today and that's all good.

In two weeks my grandmother is coming, and we are going to have a second socially distanced Christmas with her. The whole reason she's coming here is because we didn't go to the family Christmas where she lives because no one in my extended family is practicing social distancing or other precautions, like masks. It really pisses me off, to be honest, that in a family of doctors no one takes any precautions, but it's their choice.

Anyway, when my grandmother visits I WILL be wearing a mask, but I imagine she's going to want to hug. The thing is, I don't want to. Not since she hasn't been taking precautions. But I also know it's probably the last Christmas I am going to have with her because I am transitioning and, while there are already noticeable changes (to me), there will be a lot more in a year's time. My grandmother and my extended family on that side are very conservative and I don't know if I'll be welcome at anymore gatherings.

So what should I do? Do I set a boundary (and if so, how), or do I give in and hug her because it's the last time I might get to?


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Re: I don't want to hug - December 25th 2020, 11:54 PM

When the assistant manager of my gym caught Coronavirus, and I had been in the office alone with her 7 days prior to her positive test, I didn't want to be near my uncle. He has asthma and I feared I would kill him by passing anything onto him as I hadn't been tested. My mum insisted I go speak to him because she said he wouldn't care and would just think I'm avoiding him if I said nothing.

In the end I decided to go visit him but kept my distance. I told him the situation. His response was that he didn't care, and that he's exposed to the virus far more at his workplace than I am. Despite all that I'd told him, he chose to give me a hug and that was that.

Moral of the story is, discuss the situation with your grandmother, but ultimately it's her choice on whether or not she still wants to hug you. If you don't want to hug her, that's ok, but what will you do if she insists?

In addition, despite all that you say about your extended family being on the conservative side, they may surprise you. My mother wasn't exactly A+ when it come to homosexuality. My grandmother didn't have many nice things to say either. When I came out to them at 16, their reaction was the complete opposite of what I expected. It's understandable that you feel that your grandmother is going to respond poorly to your transitioning period, but I think she deserves a chance. You're their grandchild, their family. Again, she may surprise you.


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Re: I don't want to hug - December 26th 2020, 02:39 AM

Hi there,

I agree with Riviere with speaking to your Grandmother and just let know how you feel. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.


   
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