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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
live.laugh.love
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Name: cassieee.
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Isn't sure if I should let go or what.... - June 1st 2009, 11:06 PM

So, this guy and I have been best friends for about four years now, but you know it really hasn't felt like a healthy "best" friendship. I mean, I have a couple other best friends, and it's just different. It's even different with a couple of my other male friends. Like, I've tried talking to him but it's always the same, "I'll change," "I'll call," "will, hang out more," "I love you," etc.

But it's basically, I feel like I am the last resort. Like we never get to see each other EVER. Except at school and that's only for a couple of mins. So anyways, I didn't have class because I had all my work done and I was walking in the hall, he was walking, he came over and started talking for a second, but then somebody else came along and it was "well, forget you" kind of because I was totally ignored. So, I started walking away and he was like "wait up" because they were done talking. Then it happened again, so I just stood there because Uhm, yeah best friends should be able to do that... but it just kept happening until finally this one girl came over and attention is all on her. Not to mention, he has a girlfriend but she was basically just clinging on him, taking pictures with him and what not and I'm just standing there.. then I walk away, he sort of follows and by sort of I don't know, but she follows and I feel kind of akward you know, and he knew I needed to talk to him... but that wasn't important, so I ran into another one of my friends and we were all talking and then my best friend starts to walk away and says to my other friend "hold her back," basically stating "don't let her follow me" and then my friend was like "I can't believe you call him your bestie" and that made me think, why do I call him my bestie, we never see each other, hardly ever talk anymore and I'm supposed to be okay with that.. He's never actually said anything like the "hold her back" comment, that was a first but still... that was B.S. you don't do that to your "best friend" esp. when you hardly see them.

so, i tried talking to him about.
he always says "i'll call back," doesn't.
I don't see him in school.
nothing.
so i sent him a message telling him that was complete crap the way he treated me and so on.
but no response, what should i do?!


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
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Re: Isn't sure if I should let go or what.... - June 1st 2009, 11:22 PM

Forget him. You deserve better,Cass.
Maybe you can still be friends with him.
But don't as much effort into the friendship.
You'll just end up being emotionally drained if you keep pushing the friendship and carrying the weight for both of you.
You know?


To Write Love On Her Arms<3
   
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Re: Isn't sure if I should let go or what.... - June 2nd 2009, 10:46 PM

Hi Cassie,

You've really asked yourself the right questions here, and kudos for you for wanting the best for you! You don't need to be someone's 'second-best' friend, especially when you want to think of them as your best friend.

What he did and said in the hallway was not nice and not appropriate. If you were talking to him, he should respect that and not ignore you! And it sounds like he didn't even want to put in the effort, which wasn't fair when you waited around for him to end his conversations with other people.

I think you should tell him in person that he's really got to shape up if he wants to continue this friendship with you. Let him know that he has been a really great friend and that you've relied on him a lot, but he just doesn't seem to care about keeping up the friendship anymore. It's important that he knows exactly that he's losing you here and that he does have a chance to fix it.

You have other friends, Cassie, so don't rely on one that doesn't treat you properly. You can still be friends with this guy, but it would be wise to rethink the 'best friend' title like you are doing right now.

Nat.


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