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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Jessielove Offline
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Name: Jessie
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Thumbs down Best Friend VS Girlfriend. (Sorry, Yet Another Long One.) - June 2nd 2009, 08:21 AM

I LOVE both my girlfriend and my best friend. I've known my best friend for longer, but my girlfriend has been there for me more even before we started to date. My best friend use to call me every night, just so we could talk, since we live like 45 minutes apart...one day he just stopped calling and he asks like it's all my fault because he doesn't have a cell phone for me to call him on. I finally told him I was suicidal not this Sunday, but last Sunday. He got mad and asked why I didn't call him. We hung out today, so yeah. He ended up talking to my girlfriend on the phone, webcam, and IM...because that's just what I do with her. He didn't know we were dating, I've been trying to tell him since we got together, which was awhile ago. I so planned to tell him today. Finally, I told my girlfriend I was gonna tell him, so we have to go for a little. So, I sat down with him and after awhile, I finally asked him, "What are your feelings towards me?" You see, I tell myself I asked him this because if he said yes, then I wouldn't say anything so I wouldn't hurt him...but really it's for me to see if there would ever be an us. Which is bad. Anyways, he didn't understand, so I had to explain the question to him and he finally said, "Yeah, I still like you some. I just don't want to ruin our friendship." By the way, this friendship has been way over ruined. It's like a fish out of water...it's almost dead.

Then, I we went for a walk and I told him my plans for when I turn 18, which is to totally leave the state...never come back and NEVER keep in contact with anyone from my past. I hate my past, it's not something I can deal with. He was upset...but at the same time not...and that hurt me. Anyways, we just hung after that...all good. He went home, I came back home, called my girlfriend. She then told me, she was jealous of how I act with him. Now, I swore I'd never act another way with my friends just because I was dating someone. I already gave up getting kissed on the cheek and forehead by my other best friend/big brother because she didn't like it. Hanging out with my best friends, I'm just random and hyper. I sit on them, jump on them, we hug a lot, we tackle each other, and just crazy. While on webcam with her, Caleb hugged me from behind and he pulled me on his lap another time...then we tickeling me, which we fell over. Now, I can see where she's coming from, buy now she also sees where I'm coming from because of everything she does...but most not with her best friend. I want her to be happy, but I want to be happy too and still be the way I am with my best friends. I love her more then anyone else, granted...there are some feelings towards my best friend...but he hurt me, so there'd never be anything. Yet another thing she's afraid of, me leaving her for him. Now, I have the same fear, but with any of her ex(es), but mainly this one she dated for 3 years. Anyways, I told her I didn't want him, but she went off making jokes with her cousin...we never keep on topic.

Anyways, my best friend is confusing me now. He was the one who said no to start with, but now he likes me again. He doesn't know about me and my girlfriend...I couldn't tell her. I want him to be happy and I want my girlfriend to be happy. What should I do? It's kind of killing me inside.


When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

"She loves me, she loves me not, despite the fact I smell like pot, I write this poem to you Jessie, are you my lady love to be?" -
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Strider Offline
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Re: Best Friend VS Girlfriend. (Sorry, Yet Another Long One.) - June 2nd 2009, 11:07 PM

Hi Jessie,

This does sound like a really tough position to be in right now, and it would just about pull anyone apart. I'm glad you are really giving this a lot of thought, because it's important to find out how you feel about this.

I would suggest just staying friends with this guy and staying with your girlfriend. Like you said, this guy has hurt you in the past, and it sounds like he really has friendship more than a relationship on his mind. You deserve someone who cares about how you feel and how you like to be treated, and it sounds like you have that in your girlfriend right now.

That said, I think you and your girlfriend need to have a talk about communication. I know things may not stay on topic for all that long, but this is something you need to talk about to have a healthy relationship. You both can't keep second guessing each other about whether or not you will leave to be with someone else. You both care about each other, and that comes first. You don't plan on going off with one of your friends, even though you like to hug them and stuff, and I'll bet it's the same with her. If you are not confident in one another, then the best thing to do is talk about it.

I'm not sure leaving and forgetting your past is the best idea, but if that is what you want to do, then that is your decision. It sounds like you have a bunch of great friends and a great girlfriend, and I don't think that's worth leaving behind. Again, it's your decision, but try to give it some more thought before finalizing it.

Take care.

Nat.


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