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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
FastForward2012 Offline
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This is so complicated. - June 2nd 2009, 09:56 PM

Oh, I don't know what to do. I used to have this best friend Amanda. We had been friends for forever. But then it started going down hill. We're so alike,but we're so different. She used to flirt with every single one of my friends. and she has anger problems,and always took her anger out on me. She made me feel like crap. She ruined many of my days. She talked crap about me everyday behind my back to her other best friend Grace. Grace told me everything she said. And it hurt. A lot.
But Amanda and I were so close. She was like a sister to me. I could be myself around and not have to worry about what I looked like. We went running and were all sweaty and my hair was POOF! and she didn't care. We did each others hair like we were 5. We went to concerts. She told me some of her secrets, and I shared mine.
But for a week she didn't talk to me at all. She ignored me. and talked so much crap about me that week that I couldn't take it. I told her "This ignoring crap is really dumb and immature. Obviously you're really mad at me. But I didn't do anything. Can you please talk to me? Tell me what I did?" and she just glared at me. I said "Do you not want to be friends?" and she just glared at me. I said "Fine,I'm done." She planned out how to avoid me on the bus. I overheard everything. The day I got my stuff back from her she put it on a chair by her door. As I was walking up the driveway she opened the door,said, "ITS ON THE CHAIR!" and slammed the door behind her.
We haven't talked in about a month.
I notice when she's not at school because I pass her house going to the busstop. I used to go there every morning. She hasn't been at school at all this week,and its finals. Today Grace told me that her parents and her got into a huge argument and she's temporarily living at her brothers. Grace told me that Amanda told her to tell me, to see if I cared.
I said "Uhh...okay... I mean, I care. But you know...We're not friends..."
I think that her having Grace tell me that means that she still thinks about me.
I think about her too...but...I know that I'm better off without her. I'm so much happier now.
What would you do if you were me?


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Re: This is so complicated. - June 2nd 2009, 10:04 PM

I've had a lot of friendships like this. And the best way. Is to end it. And leave it ended. The old leopard spots analogy is a good way to say it. If she's hurt you before very likely she'll hurt you again.
But that's my opinion and experience


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It's not always easy, but McFly's here forever
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'Cause McFly never dies, because The Heart Never Lies!"
   
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Re: This is so complicated. - June 2nd 2009, 10:08 PM

I've had a lot of friend drama this past year, too. I've lost both of my best friends, I'm also a lot happier now
No matter what, even if you hate Amanda, your still going to think about her because you guys were best friends for a really long time, you won't be able to help that until enough time passes,and even then you'll probably still think about her sometimes. For now, however, I think you should just live your life. It's good that you know that you're better off without her, because you are, if you're happier. She probably realizes that she made a mistake in treating you the way she did, but don't go back to being friends with her, like you said, you are better off without her if she treated you like that.
The best advice, in my opinion, is to just go on with life, try not to think about her TOO too much!
Good luck,
Manda
   
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Re: This is so complicated. - June 4th 2009, 12:27 AM

I know. She's been through depression and she still is going through it. I know she still SH's. I just can't bear the thought of her SHing because of me. You know?

She just friend requested me on MySpace. Idk what to do. =/


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Re: This is so complicated. - June 4th 2009, 07:40 PM

It's not fair that she treats you like that and I know it's hard to let go but sometimes we have to do what is best for us and not others. She obv. has things she needs to work out with her life and she takes it out on others instead of facing it. It's not fair to the people that she "cares" about. If you really still want to be friends then I would say that you sit down and talk to her about what she's doing and how it's affecting her, you and the people around her. Maybe, giving her a reality check. She might be mad, but that always shows somebody cares when they are honest with you no matter how much the truth hurts, you know. Then maybe if she comes to it and stop the hurtful things she does, then you could consider being friends again but on trial basis, you know. I would reconsider the "best" friend thing though because best friends don't treat each other like they are nothing.

In the end it's up to you and what you want to do and what you feel would be BEST FOR YOU! If you ever need me, I'm here. <3


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Re: This is so complicated. - June 5th 2009, 11:57 PM

So I denied her. She was talking to my friend Grace, who is Amanda's best friend, when I denied her. She was like "I was going to send Gina an apology in a message. But then I decided not to." and see, I would have maybe thought about it more if I had known that she was going to send one. But then, Amanda found out that I denied her and said "OMG!! FORGET I EVEN DID THAT!! I HATE HER!!" and I was like "Well,thats Amanda for you." and I totally don't regret my decision at all.


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Re: This is so complicated. - June 6th 2009, 07:55 PM

I think you just need to move on.
Ive been in a really similar situation.

I had a best friend with serious family problems, she was depressed, self harmed alot and even quit school. I was one of the only people who stuck by her and spoke to her on the phone whenever she wanted. Then she made a new friend and stopped contact with me. She then moved to australia and has been living there for almost a year and i havent spoken to her since about september (she blocked me and deleted me from social networking sites) ANYWAY, the point to this -- i found it extremely difficult to stop contact with someone i had opened up to soo much and become such good friends with but now i know that i can move on and my life is pretty good. Its all been an experience - not a great one obv but lets say a 'handy' experience.
   
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