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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Popo Offline
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I'm feeling helpless - June 4th 2009, 03:53 PM

About a week ago, my best friend messages me that someone he knows (and I know of, but I didn't really know her at the time) is on the edge of killing herself. He asks me to help, but I couldn't. I didn't have any way of talking to her. Not to mention I barely knew her. So, two days ago, I started talking to her on messenger, and I find out that she's had suicidal thoughts since 10-11 years old. Her father threatened to hit her, then to wire her jaw shut, then to kill her. Her mother threatens to emancipate her, which she wants to happen in two years. Her step-dad isn't any better. He puts her down a lot.

This is an excerpt from one of our conversations:

Her: i'm going to end up punching my brother
Me: Why?
Her: because he keeps saying that i can't sing. and that i can't get a guy.
Me: I can't comment on your singing either way, I've never seen you in person. But you'll find a guy eventually.
Her: yeah. but he's just being an asshole
Me: Don't let it bother you. He's just saying it to make himself feel better, and if someone has to do that to feel good about themselves, then they need to get a life.
Her: so does my father
Her: well step-dad anyway
Me: You don't deserve to be told that. From anyone, let alone your family.
Her: whatever. i'm not eating here anymore
Her: because apparently i'm only here to suck up my parents money
Me: I really feel bad for you. I hate seeing things like this happen to good people.
Her: it's fine. i'm not hungry anyway
Me: I know, but I mean the whole situation you're in. Nobody, Nobody deserves to think about suicide at 10-11 years old. I just wish there was more I could do to help you.
Her: apparently i deserve it. it's not like my mother cares. there've been fights where she's handed me the knife. and then she told me exactly how to kill myself. and that was when i was 11.
Me: No, you don't deserve it. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have caring parents. You deserve so much more than what you have. I barely know you, but I already care about you.
Her: thank you, but really, it's fine.
(End of excerpt)

She thinks that having to deal with things like this are fine.
And I can't help her anymore than what I am right now, but if I could, I'd do anything to make her life better. I absolutely hate seeing situations like this.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Darrenboy! Offline
my long tongue is long.
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Re: I'm feeling helpless - June 5th 2009, 03:46 AM

i understand that your friend is going through a lot, and i understand that you are going to help.

put it this way..

you'll have to be even more involved in her life than ever before (if its possible ). and just keep telling her and reminding her that you're there.

and you arent leaving. not anytime soon .. just message her and tell her and keep reminding her that you're always going to be there to support her .

Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

Official member of the completely Unofficial free hugs Club !

I'm firing mah Hugs!
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Shannon Offline
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Re: I'm feeling helpless - June 8th 2009, 12:17 AM

I kind of understand it from her perspective. I haven't dealt with anything that bad at all, but sometimes when I describe pretty sucky things going on in my life to friends and they're like "Wow, shit, dude", and I just feel like, "egh, it is what it is". Or she might think that if she starts feeling like she doesn't deserve it, she'll feel worse. Regardless, just try to help her in every way you can, and don't ever act like you're frustrated or anything (I know it can be hard) and try to make her happy. Just sending her random, or funny stuff can help a lot. And just keep encouraging her.

Hope it all goes over okay.
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feeling, helpless

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