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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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EmilyNicole Offline
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What can I DO? (really long) - June 5th 2009, 05:28 AM

Okay...so me and my best friend of about 6 years stopped talking a little while back. This is going to be really hard to explain, So I hope you can keep up with me.
About the time I met my boyfriend (now ex) Which was a little over 3 months ago, My best friend was adding guys online on facebook. She became friends with this guy who went to the college a few towns over. (A little bit of background: She's 18, but got held back a year in school.) Okay...so they decided to go on a date. He came over to her house one weekend and they hung out and watched movies. I was really genuinelly happy for her, Because she had never had good luck with guys. Well, They started seeing eachother a lot...and she stopped coming over to my house, We would have band practice and she just wouldn't show up...I started to get frustrated quickly. I could understand the excitment of a new relationship, but I never did anything like that to her when I was dating guys and she wasn't even dating this guy. She said that they agreed that it'd be best if they didn't get into a relationship (though on another occasion she said she had wanted to, but he didn't agree.) Well anyways, Before all this happened, She would go around jokingly saying that she would be legal when she turned 18. But she had also confessed to me that she wanted to get rid of her virginity...like it was a burden...which bothered me deeply. But hey, I just thought..you know, It's her body. She's an adult now, Whatever. So her and this guy ended up having sex (after about a month of having been talking and meeting eachother). She told me, I was cool about it, Whatever. Well, the next weekend I texted her asking if she wanted to go see a movie (turns out I got the date wrong, but that's really not the point.) and she told me she couldn't because she was seeing him. and we had been planning this all along. and it hurt me that she'd give me up for a guy she barely knows. I said something about how she was giving me up for sex..and she said they weren't going to have sex, That he said he liked her and that it was hard for her because I was beautiful and I always got guys, But she never did. (Total BS. I've had two boyfriends, both lasted under 2 months.) She said he was the only guy to say she was beautiful...and I know what you're thinking, She must have genuine self image issues...and maybe she does, but I honestly know her better than that. It hurt because it seemed like she would just give it up to any guy who said nice things to her. And I was just dissapointed...not really that she was having sex, but that she was giving up her life for this guy. Who incedentally, Left a few weeks later for an internship in another state...Well anyways, my sister talked to her a few days ago and it turns out he was going to be coming back so they could be together, but he lost his internship and has to stay where he is. So.....I know I seem like a bad person...but you have to keep in mind that she does stuff like this a lot...and she has the jealousy problem. She tries to make me look awful in front of people...and sometimes she says things that really embarrass me.
Despite that, I love her to death and miss her badly.
I don't know what to do or what to say.
And it'd be easy if I could go back to her...but there's other problems involved...Me and her were in a band with my brothers girlfriend...and they had some fights. And I don't want to take away the trust that me and my brothers girlfriend have gained. I promised that she would never be in out band again (which is something I intend to stay true to.) but...I don't know if she'll be mad if I become friends with her again. Idk....
I'm confused


Wow...this is way too long...:/ SORRY!
   
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Strider Offline
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Re: What can I DO? (really long) - June 7th 2009, 04:00 PM

Hi Emily,

Try not to worry about the length of your post. It sounds like you've been going through a difficult situation, and sometimes it takes a while to explain what has been going on to be able to get proper advice on it. Thanks for going into that kind of detail, it really helped me to understand better

I think you really need to talk this over with your friend. It is true that what she does with her body is her business, but when she starts breaking commitments with her friends to be with this guy, then I think that's a problem. She needs to learn how to manage her time so that she isn't putting so much distance between her friendships.

Let her know that you really enjoy being friends with her, but you are finding that the friendship seems strained because she isn't showing up to band practice and turns you down when you ask her to go places. She needs to see that this is really upsetting you. Tell her that you are happy that she has found someone she cares about, but that you also would like some time with her, so she shouldn't let this guy take over her life.

Depending on how bad the fights were in the band, that should decide whether to continue it with your friend. If they were small scuffles, then talking it over and finding a common ground on the situation should work. By no means break your friendship with your brother's girlfriend, because that would not solve anything.

I hope everything goes well for you.

Nat.


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EmilyNicole Offline
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Re: What can I DO? (really long) - June 7th 2009, 08:33 PM

I talked to her and explained things...she said she understood how I felt and that she had never meant to make me feel that way. She also said she missed me. So now were talking again.
and I told my brother girfriend that I'd never do that to her..and she understands better now also. So I think things are sorted out now.
thank you
   
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Re: What can I DO? (really long) - June 8th 2009, 12:12 AM

Well, I'm glad things went over well for you! Congrats!
   
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Re: What can I DO? (really long) - June 8th 2009, 12:16 AM

Since you've got everything sorted out, Emily, I'm going to close this thread.

If anything else comes up, please feel free to PM me at any time or make a new thread about it.

Take care.

Nat.


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