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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Hear my whispers in the dark..
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She snooped around online! - June 16th 2009, 01:24 AM

Ugh! My mom and I were in the store today, and she randomly said "you had sex with Zach. I know you did.". The only way she would have known that, was because I posted about it online (not in a "hey everyone I had sex" kind of way, but in messages to a couple of my friends and in threads on here). This wouldn't have been the first time she's snooped online to get information about me. A couple of years ago, she printed out entire blogs of mine from this site, and then lied about it. I try everything to keep her from finding my information. After I caught her in her lie about my blogs, she promised she wouldn't do it again. And she's made the same promise to me since then. It just really bothers me, because that's PERSONAL INFORMATION about me! And if I asked her, she'd probably say that she "just found it" or something. I delete the history after everytime I go online, and I go through various search engines to get to TH. It's just so frustrating. She wouldn't want me going through her stuff, so why does she repeatedly go through mine??? I feel like I can't post anything anywhere anymore, because she'll find it and lie about it. So now I'm going crazy because I can't talk to anyone anymore. Not on the phone, because she could overhear. And apparently not online anymore, because she'll read it....


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: She snooped around online! - June 16th 2009, 02:11 AM

Hi Jen,

I feel your pain- or I have felt it in the past. Once my mom read through my whole inbox on one of the forums I went on. It had a ton of personal information that I had been discussing with some of my friends on the site. I was so mad! I can just imagine how frustrated you must be in this case.

You are doing the right thing by deleting the history on your computer. Also, do you have passwords for separate accounts on your computer? That may help keep it a little more private. Another thing you could do is start using the more private areas of TH to get advice and help, such as LiveHelp and HelpLINK. Also, you could use a separate account that doesn't have anything personal about you on it and ask questions through that account instead.

Another suggestion would be to use another computer. Go to a friend's house or use a library or school computer when you need to access this site. Just make sure you change your passwords regularly because you would be logging into a network at school or at a library. You could also buy your own computer. There are some pretty reasonable prices out there if you do some looking around and comparing. I ended up buying my own computer for school and privacy reasons. Now the computer is password protected and deletes my internet browsing history each time I close the internet window. This may be something you would want to look into.

I think you should also sit your mom down and talk with her about this. It's not right that she is going through your personal information- especially since you are looking for support and advice on it. It's not fair for her to need to learn more about you this way, so tell her that you would like an open relationship with her, but at the same time there are things you would like to keep to yourself.

I really sympathyze with you, Jen.

Nat.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: She snooped around online! - June 16th 2009, 02:48 AM

I'm sorry that your mom does that. I'd hate for anyone to find some of the things that I've posted about.

I, personally, would use a web blocker to block the specific websites that you don't want her to see whenever you get offline... And then when you get back on, turn the blocker off to allow you access.

Blue Coat K9 Web Protection allows you to choose specific sites to allow/not allow. All you have to do is put in the URL that you want it to block/leave unblocked. And you have to sign in with a password to change the settings. It's a bit of a hassle, but, in my opinion, better than someone finding out things that you don't want them to.

If you're interested in it, I'll find where you can download it and then walk you through how I'm talking about blocking it step-by-step.

Like I said, kind of a hassle to always block/unblock stuff, but it's better than people knowing personal stuff, I think.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: She snooped around online! - June 18th 2009, 02:07 AM

Hey Jen,

I am so sorry that that happened to you. You should definitely try what Chelsea suggested. Also, you should try talking to your mom AGAIN! It is ALWAYS importan to let someone know how angry or upset you are with them even if they only listen for a little while. And, sometimes it takes a while for someone to really hear the words coming out of someones mouth.

I also wanted to let you know that I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk too.


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Re: She snooped around online! - June 18th 2009, 07:28 AM

Wow, that would be the most annoying thing ever. Sorry you have to deal with that.



   
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Re: She snooped around online! - June 19th 2009, 05:58 AM

So sorry to hear that. Last year the same thing happened to me. My mom went on my computer and had someone hack into my e-mail account to find out what was going on with me. She also had me blocked from TH completely.

I suggest that you keep a password for your account on the computer and you can also lock the internet settings so that she cannot see the history. What Chelsey said is also a good idea. So try it out, okay.

I wish you all the best in protecting your computer from unwanted visitors.
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: She snooped around online! - June 19th 2009, 06:35 AM

Get a job, if you can, and save up money until you have enough for your own computer. Set things up so that you have to type in a password in order to log in to your computer. Don't save any passwords for any sites... maybe keep a list somewhere in your room with a "master password list". Ex. if the password is "Puppy2009", write "P****2***" to remind you of what the password is, without giving it away in case your mom finds the piece of paper.

Some sites, such as Facebook, can give you the option of blocking people from networks other than your university's. Otherwise, you may want to resort to private messaging, vs. wall posts/visitor messaging, and chat rooms vs. forum posts.

Last resort? Create second accounts and post all super-secret info there under a new identity, so that it's still out in the open, but so that your mother doesn't realize it's you.






   
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