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AlenRose_XX Offline
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I knew it was gonna happen, so why am I unsure? - June 24th 2009, 12:05 PM

So today I went to some dance auditions for our summer dance show. I was mega exhausted. And my mom comes to get me and once we pull into the drive way she goes "you can grab a sip of water and something to eat and then I'd like you to lay on the couch cause your father and I need to talk to you". Me, not feeling well said "I'm gonna go upstairs and puke first then we can talk", but I already knew what they wanted to "talk" to me about. But hey, I thought, maybe I'm wrong so I say "what did I do?" and she says "nothing, you didn't do anything". Mkay, red flag much? So eventually it gets to the point and the three of us are on the couch. My mother, being her charming self, just says "your father and I are getting separated". I asked if they'd already gotten the divorce. They said they hadn't yet. My father just got out of hip surgery and they're waiting til he gets better. So I told them about how I knew exactly what they were gonna tell me, how I had found a letter my mother typed up on the computer to my dad about how they might get a separation. I wasn't being sneaky, my mom never turns off the computer, it was asleep, I woke it up, and that was right there in front of my face. No, I didn't have to read it, but I did. I told them that I didn't care, they should do what makes them happy. Seriously, my childhood is over, I'm a big girl, though they fucked up my childhood pretty good as well. I truly did not give a damn. They thanked me for being so understanding; like I had a choice. This is what they wanted.

Since I found the letter I'd started thinking about who I was gonna live with. I chose my father, he's almost never home and it's easy for me to take over the role of mom, cleaning, cooking, and whatnot with no mom around. I hoped that I could choose dad, and we could move away, start new lives. Sounded nice.

I've only told one of my friends. She tells me how she's really sorry that it was happening, I continued with my "I don't care, they can do what they want" deal, cause that's really how I felt about the whole thing. Then she brings up all the stuff. Court. Visitation rights. Going back and forth. A bunch of stuff.

I stopped short, I hadn't even thought about that stuff. Forgot that there's a legal part to all this. Shiet was I worried then.

I knew this was gonna happen. Their marriage? Anyone, everyone, even them, know it's not meant to be. Admit that they'd never have married each other if they knew they'd turn out how they did.

So why am I so messed up about this if I saw it coming?

My little walls are tumbling once again, and I'm just watching, what else could I do? I don't wanna tell anyone. I don't need pity. It's none of their business, I had to tell someone though.

Sorry this is insanely long. If you really read all of this, thank you.

Any thoughts? I don't know why but I felt like posting this would help. It's keeping me awake right now.

A word so foreign, now right in front of my face...

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i_am_me_again Offline
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Re: I knew it was gonna happen, so why am I unsure? - June 24th 2009, 02:31 PM

Hi Sebastian

Getting a divorce is horrible. There have been 2 divorced couples in my family. So I can understand where you are coming from.

Sometimes its easy, sometimes its difficult. I believe that deep down you do care, maybe not emotionally, but worried about the courts, visitation etc.

You have chosen to live with your dad for practical reasons, but you can still chose to see your mum if you want.

I know things are tough. But it will all fill out & end up ok.

Make sure your parents dont use you as a weapon. Your 16, your old enough to do what you like.(within reason)

Anyway, Im sorry I couldnt help more, but if you want to talk,then my inbox is always open


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Re: I knew it was gonna happen, so why am I unsure? - June 24th 2009, 07:29 PM

My parents were certainly never meant to be together. They jumped right into their marriage, had completely different personality types, were both in the military at the time... they wanted to get a divorce after three years, but they stayed together for my sake.

I knew, even at a young age, that they weren't happy. They fought all the time, about everything. Even so, when my dad sat me down and told me that they were getting a divorce, I was shocked. I knew my dad would be happier, being able to come home without having to worry about being nagged at constantly. I knew my mom would be happier, not having to account for her financial irresponsibility all the time. Child support and alimony certainly helped as well.

Still, even though you could say I saw all of this coming, it wasn't easy. It hurt. Crappy childhood or not, when parents split up, it's stressful for everyone who is involved.

The somewhat-good news is that you ARE 16, so the courts should grant you the ability to live with whichever parent you'd like. You won't have to play an active role in a lot of the court proceedings, either. This is a break-up between your parents, so it'll mostly be just the judge, your parents, and their attorneys.

One last thing I'd like to say is that it's okay to admit if you're not happy with the divorce. That you aren't happy for them. You don't have to pretend that you aren't negatively affected by any of this, or that you don't care. It's okay to admit that you are feeling shocked, sad, angry, betrayed, etc. by what is happening between your parents.

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AlenRose_XX Offline
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Re: I knew it was gonna happen, so why am I unsure? - June 24th 2009, 10:55 PM

Thanks Jamie. :]

I don't really know how I feel about the divorce, my mom was tellin me today that once house prices go up we're gonna sell and they'll go their separate ways. I'm not shocked. The only reason I feel betrayed is that my mom won't talk to me about it and admit that she's not okay. She's never really been a mom, I've been the mom. I guess I'm negatively affected by this, I just don't know how yet.
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