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Hear my whispers in the dark..
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Dealing with illness in the family? - June 28th 2009, 01:55 AM

I have kind of an interesting family situation. I live with my mom, my dad, and my brother. We had all sorts of trouble when I was younger. Everything from abuse between my dad, my brother, and myself; drinking and drug use (my brother and I), and suicidal thoughts attempts amongst all 4 members (my mom, my brother, and I have all been in the psych ward). Also, my other brother died when I was 16 from an illness/complications from his disabilities.
Things have been pretty peaceful for the past couple of years, since my brother died.
But shortly after that my dad got diagnosed with a terminal illness. It's a rare disease that can be treated, but not cured. His twin has the same disease and is dying fast. The disease is affecting my dad slower. I'm trying to be a good daughter, I'm constantly getting reprimanded from my mom for being impatient, rude, and selfish. I don't try to be, but sometimes I just get really really mad at my dad, and at my family in general, and I don't know why. If something bothers me, sometimes I just can't stand it and I'll start yelling and punching things. Everyone gets mad at me for that, which makes me even more angry. It's like I can't stop it. Sometimes I convince myself that my dad is faking it, or is using his illness as a way to get out of doing things around the house. I know it's ridiculous, but sometimes I really believe that. Then I'll go through times where I feel absolutely horrible about acting that way, and I can't even talk to my dad because I don't want to stress him out. I'm so up and down all the time, my family can't stand to be around me alot of times. I don't understand my behavior at all, I don't know why I can't be the good daughter I'm supposed to be...

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Re: Dealing with illness in the family? - June 28th 2009, 07:33 AM

It sounds like you're in the first stage of grief- denile (sp?). I think you get so mad because you are mad that your dad has this illness (or because your family has had such a hard time), not mad at your dad. i'd try to talk to him about how you feel. Also, maybe take up some sort of stress relieving activity. I love to do aerobic exercise when i'm pissed. An other idea is to start writing in a journal, I know it sounds a little cliche, but it really does work!

good luck and PM me anytime, ok?

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Re: Dealing with illness in the family? - June 29th 2009, 09:40 AM

Hey Jen,

I am sorry you are going through all this.

I don't think you are selfish or anything like that I think it sounds like you are trying your best to deal with a stressful situation and sometimes it doesn't work. The whole hitting, yelling, and anger is most likely normal and is probably your way of dealing with your dads sickness. Do you have anyone to talk to about it?

Also, I think some of it might be denial too. Trying to convince yourself that your dad is not sick and what not. These things to not make you a bad person at all they make you a normal person trying to deal with a very very sad and stressful situation.

Jen, hang in there and hopefully things will start getting better for you and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

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