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pinkcitrus Offline
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Unhappy Father and counselor issues... - June 30th 2009, 10:21 PM

Hi.

Um, as of now I'm living with my Father and brother because of a complicated situation involving the cps. I have a mother, and we won't be able to go back to her for a couple more months IF we are aloud to go back to her. For now I have to deal with the utter nonsense that occurs almost every single day. I'm almost at my boiling point and I'm sick of living here. My father is a complete jerk. He smokes and disrespects my little 8 year old brother and my wishes to not smoke in the house period. I admit at times he doesn't but it's an on and off thing that no one is doing anything about. He walks around without a shirt on with his hand in his underwear, or walking with nothing but underwear at all which freaking scares me. These and other problems happen all the time yet a certain somebody who comes to the house once a week for family counseling just throws aside and doesn't care. That person's name is Michelle and she also makes my life more miserable. In my opinion she just causes more problems instead of trying to help. If what she thinks I say is "nonsense" she just stops talking to me and turns to talk to somebody else, talk about RUDE! Then she threatens to leave and cut the session short if my dad and me aren't seeing eye to eye and are having a feud. She's rude and lets us believe that she's not taking anyone's side. Bullshit!! She takes my dad's side all of the time. She just cuts me off and glorifies any twisted thing my dad says about anything that goes around the house. He's a liar and acts like he's the angel in every situation and makes my brother and me look bad. She believes his facade and it annoys the heck outta me. I'm just worried because if I choose not to take part in the session I'm afraid she has the power to downgrade our visits with our mom (from unmonitored to monitored)
because she doesn't like my performance in the session. I hate it because it's like she's forcing me to like my dad. I just don't understand how she thinks that you can force people to like someone. I just don't get along with him and that's that. I'm just worried that she has the power to make it so I can't go back living with my mom =|

Frustrating...
   
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BlessSpecies Offline
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Re: Father and counselor issues... - June 30th 2009, 10:36 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. I can relate in a way; I was kicked out of the house by my mother, who was emotionally abusive, and had to attend some family counseling with her.

Here's one tip that might help you get the upperhand in the sessions: remain incredibly calm. Staying calm makes you seem like you have control over your emotions, and gives you a mature air. Any counselor would be impressed and most likely pay attention to what your saying over someone who is yelling, screaming, crying, etc.

I personally was afraid to go into my first counseling session because I thought for sure that the counselor would take my mother's side and just think me another teenage delinquent. However, I left with a smile on my face. My mother was hysterical the entire time, while I remained absolutely calm. It was hard on me, I allowed a few tears to fall. The counselor was able to see what was going on this way, and remarked later that I was very mature, well-spoken, and kind.

Before your session each week, I suggest trying to choose a topic beforehand. Talk about how you feel, and try to use words such as "I" instead of "you." For instance, saying (towards your father) "You're a pig, you're inconsiderate, you're this, you're that etc" try saying something calmly along the lines of "Sometimes I feel that I'm left out of the picture, and just wish there was something I could do to better our relationship and understanding of each other." This way, you're not putting blame on anyone else (thus dodging an unnecessary arguement) and you get your point across. It definately takes some practice!

I don't know the situation very well, but if you need anymore advice, feel free to PM me! I hope I have helped in any way- Best wishes!


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