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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Andra Offline
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Can't get over it - July 1st 2009, 04:36 PM

The thing is:

There is this girl that has been my best friend for a long time, we were really, really close, we told each other everything and did a lot of things together, just like best friends do, it's not necessary for me to explain more. I thought that we were going to be best friends forever, because at that time it seemed that nothing could break that beautiful, strong relationship we had. Not distance, not time, not anything. Last year she went to a different school, but she lived close by anyway, so I wasn't worried at all that something would change.

Then we split up, like half a year ago I guess. And it happened for no concrete reason, I mean we never talked about it openly, but we had some ugly conversations, because I got on her nerves a few times and she got on mine. I guess there were many reasons, many mistakes there, and of course I know that she wasn't the only one who made them. I made a few annoying things to her also, but these things were... minor, I mean, like not answering text messages, or forgetting that we had plans for a weekend, or stuff like that. To me none of that kind of things were so important as to make us stop talking to each other. I mean, we got over things so much worse than those, it was simply stupid.

I realized in some time that I didn't wanted her in my life anymore, because she only harmed me, our friendship was kind of... sick, if that's the right word. It was too much, it was everywhere, and looking to the past I realized that she wasn't really a good friend to me, but kind of an envious one. So I didn't want her as my friend, and I don't want her now.

The problem is I can't get over this.

I don't want to be her friend anymore, at least not best friends, because I know she'd hurt me and betray me again and all that, but there is something I miss. Even after all these months I can't seem to let it go. Like, to think "okay, it's past, it's gone, it doesn't matter anymore". I miss the good things, the marvellous moments that I know I won't have with anyone else (because that's what makes people unique, I guess). I can't be as open and as... me with no one else.

I don't know how to let it go, how to stop thinking about her, missing her and everything...

What would you do?

Many thanks if you've read all of this and if you will give me some advice, I appreciate it!
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esfdhtfy Offline
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Re: Can't get over it - July 1st 2009, 05:18 PM

I can definitely relate to your situation. There's a certain void that your friend filled that no longer exists. There is a void somewhere in yourself that your friend once filled. If you truly feel the way you do and are worried that your friend would continue to hurt you if you two remained best friends, that's a decision that you made.

It's very tough to develop complete trust for someone, which means that it may take quite a while for you to find someone that you can talk to about anything, just like you did with your friend before. I know how this feels, believe me. You know that the relationship was a bad idea and with that knowledge, you cut contact with her. That's a good thing, especially if you felt like she would hurt you in the long-run.

In terms of the 'good' parts of the relationship, of course they're going to be there. Try to think about things from a logical point-of-view. Do the good things outweigh all of the bad things in the relationship? You can always find good things in a relationship, it's just a matter of time and actually looking for what you want in a friend.

Personally, I think you did the right thing. I know that you will soon find someone that you can trust just as much as you trusted her. Don't settle for anything less than you feel you deserve.

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