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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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EyesInTheStars Offline
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My Mom is my biggest critic - July 8th 2009, 07:15 PM

My mom and I have never had that solid of a relationship. I've always been a bit closer to my dad, probably because he doesn't live with me so he's not around long enough to bother me... but anyway my mom is my biggest critic.

You know how everyone says that "they are their own biggest critic"? well i don't need to be since she does it for me. She's always telling me I'm fat and need to loose weight while all of my friends and other relatives think I look fine. Everything I do is wrong and she's always trying to correct me. She takes school projects that I work so hard on and "fixes" them and she's trying to get me to be like her. Sometimes I think I really do hate her.

I never feel so bad about myself as when I'm talking with my mom. She's nosy and pokes through my things. If I have a scrap of paper with a short poem on it (i write..go figure) she'll correct my spelling. When I was younger she'd write me notes and correct my spelling in my diaries.

She's thrown me out of the house multiple times and told me to go live with my dad. I don't know how much more I can take. The happiest day of my life was when she went back to work, our house was peaceful then, my brother started to actually grow up and act his age and I've actually been happy for once in my life.

Now she's talking about quitting and I'm scared shitless because the only time I'm ever sad or upset is when I'm talking to her.

She's blamed it on school and my friends but I really do think its her. I mean I don't hang out with the wrong crowd. I go to a catholic school and none of my friends drink, do drugs, steal or have sex. Lets face it...we're nerds.

I'm not the daughter she wanted, and I pay for it every time she talks to me. I've tried talking to her and telling her how I feel but sometimes I think she's more immature then me. She stomps around, gets mad and just tells me to live with my dad.

Now my grandma who now lives with us is starting to act like my mom and she used to be my best friend...

I don't want to live with my dad because in the end I know I'll have more freedom if I stay with my mom and he's "undercover crazy" as I like to put it but its getting to the point where I don't know what to do anymore because I'm sick of being sad and sick of feeling sorry for myself.

Does anyone have any advice that's not "just ignore it" because we all know that dosn't help... thanks <3
   
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Re: My Mom is my biggest critic - July 8th 2009, 07:58 PM

Hey. It sounds to me like your mom has a few problems herself, because she's not treating you fairly whatsoever.

You say you've tried to tell her how you feel in the past, but in what way have you done this? I know that it's often easy to turn a "I need to sit down and tell you how I feel" kind of discussion into a full blown argument. I'm not saying that you've done this, but if talking to her tends to go in one ear and out the other, or turn into a huge argument, maybe you need to change the way you're approaching her.

It sounds like deep down your mom really truly cares about you. If she didn't, she wouldn't be critiquing you in the ways that she does. When you try to talk to her next, maybe tell her that you truly appreciate her trying to help you, but maybe so could go about it in a different way, and not criticize everything that you do? You shouldn't have to be perfect for your mom to be proud of you, simply do the best you can in the things you do, and that should be enough for you mom and your Grandma, and if not, at least you did your best - and no one can see you didn't do a good enough job.





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Re: My Mom is my biggest critic - July 9th 2009, 04:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Concrete Girl View Post
Hey. It sounds to me like your mom has a few problems herself, because she's not treating you fairly whatsoever.

You say you've tried to tell her how you feel in the past, but in what way have you done this? I know that it's often easy to turn a "I need to sit down and tell you how I feel" kind of discussion into a full blown argument. I'm not saying that you've done this, but if talking to her tends to go in one ear and out the other, or turn into a huge argument, maybe you need to change the way you're approaching her.

It sounds like deep down your mom really truly cares about you. If she didn't, she wouldn't be critiquing you in the ways that she does. When you try to talk to her next, maybe tell her that you truly appreciate her trying to help you, but maybe so could go about it in a different way, and not criticize everything that you do? You shouldn't have to be perfect for your mom to be proud of you, simply do the best you can in the things you do, and that should be enough for you mom and your Grandma, and if not, at least you did your best - and no one can see you didn't do a good enough job.
thank you i really do appreciate it. i see your point and i can be good for the argument. *sigh* but really thank you so much. i'll try and see if i can do what you told me. i feel a little better about this now. thank you<3 :3
   
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