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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BeautyKills :O Offline
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My Parents Found Out... Again. - July 9th 2009, 12:02 PM

I'll just get straight to it. I've been through a lot of shit holes since the beginning of this year and I'm currently facing another one right now

See, my father is from Dubai while my mom is from the Philippines. You'll understand why I'm saying this...

My parents found out about my boyfriend in the beginning of the year... Though they forgave me in the end and we were all okay after that.

But it happened again just this morning... My mom saw the phone that my boyfriend gave me to contact him and obviously, she told my dad. My parents gave me a huge lecture about how I shouldn't have a boyfriend yet because I'm only sixteen and it's a huge disgrace to my father because he's a muslim and everybody knows him in the country. Dad threw a lot of hurtful words at me. Hell, he would've called me a bitch instead but he didn't. Although I know that that's what he meant. My mom tried explaining to me that if my dad wasn't here, she'd let me do whatever I want but it's not like that. She says that here in Dubai, guys couldn't take the girl out without being engaged or something which I know is a total lie. They think I'd end up being pregnant I didn't talk to my boyfriend yet, he doesn't have a clue of what's happening to me. I don't know if my dad called him. My father was so furious that he wants to take me and my boyfriend to the police station to sign a contract of not getting close to each other again, like no communication at all. I don't know if he'll really do it. My mom banned me from everything. She took two of my phones and she says she wouldn't let me go out anymore. I'm lucky 'cause I had the chance to use my laptop. She's also bringing my best friend into this. She thinks that my bestfriend has something to do with me being a rebel and that my best friend is being a bad influence. I tried talking to my mom about it but she wouldn't listen. She really wouldn't. She's pushing me to apologize to my dad but I don't want to. After all that he said to me, all those words that I never imagined he'd tell me, I don't think I'd ever apologize to him. Right now, I'm having this urge to runaway from home but I have no where to go to, everyone's out of the country for summer. My boyfriend and I didn't talk yet and I don't have a phone to contact anyone. I don't know what to do. Why can't they get the fact that I'm matured enough to take care of myself? I just hate the fact that they won't let me have a life. My brother whom I wasn't close with, finally accepted the fact that I'm old now and he accepts that I have a boyfriend (as long as he knows the guy and everything), why can't they do the same? ...In the end of this, I went back to SH. After one year of stopping the bad habit, it all came back because of them. All because of them...

-- Sorry if this was too long, I needed to get it off my chest...


"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
Maya Angelou
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My Parents Found Out... Again. - July 9th 2009, 06:53 PM

Hey there

Well, i'm really sorry for the situation, but hopefully you can make it a bit better
Do you actually live in Dubai? (I got the feeling you didn't, this doesn't apply if you do)

I don't know much about it, but i do know that things are really diffrent and alot more strict in dubai than more western countries.
Why don't you look up on that, or better yet, ask your dad to explain it, and tell you what it's like... then, ask your mom what it's like for kids were she grew up.
You'll understand were they're both coming from. and hopefully they can speak openly with you, tell them you know they care and you trust them, so you wish they would give you a little more indipendance and trust.

They were okay about the boyfriend before... So it's just the phone that pissed them off..Try and negotiate with them? (Can you have the laptop back, if you loose the phone) etc. Maybe if they met him... they'd like him? see that he's a nice guy.
Maybe ask if you can agree on...two or three days every week to get to see him, if your parents know exactly where you are etc.

And i don't know if your'e having sex with him... but i wouldn't mention it if you are.
Just say that your'e being sensibile and just enjoy his company?


hope this helped a bit
pm me anytime






   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My Parents Found Out... Again. - July 14th 2009, 06:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by danni182x View Post
Do you actually live in Dubai? (I got the feeling you didn't, this doesn't apply if you do)
What do you mean 'this doesn't apply if you do' ? Yes, I DO live in Dubai.

Quote:
Originally Posted by danni182x View Post
They were okay about the boyfriend before... So it's just the phone that pissed them off..Try and negotiate with them? (Can you have the laptop back, if you loose the phone) etc. Maybe if they met him... they'd like him? see that he's a nice guy.
Maybe ask if you can agree on...two or three days every week to get to see him, if your parents know exactly where you are etc.

And i don't know if your'e having sex with him... but i wouldn't mention it if you are.
Just say that your'e being sensibile and just enjoy his company?


They weren't okay with the boyfriend before. What they did was, they changed my cellphone number but now they knew all about this so they're really mad. I tried talking to them but they're really close-minded. They didn't mind if I use my laptop now but they didn't give my phone back and I don't think they will. I don't care about that now. What I'm worried about is that my best friend is coming here on the end of July from London and my parents might not let me go out with her because: 1) They think I'm going to meet up with my guy. 2) They think she's a bad influence and has something to do with all this.

I tried to ask my brother for help. He can talk to them to let me go out with my best friend once she arrives. Let's just hope they'll agree. Wish me luck!

& thank you for trying to help <3


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My Parents Found Out... Again. - July 16th 2009, 03:41 AM

Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do in this situation, because the problem is with your parents, not you. The way I see it, you've got two options--1. You can just sit them down and tell them that you're not going to break up because of them, and they can meet the guy, and get to know him, and you'll tell them when you're going out to see him, and that you're being respectful of eachother. 2. You can tell them that you had a short feeling of rebellion, but that you now realize you were just being stupid and that you want to break up with him and you didn't really like him, and then you can just make sure they don't find out that you're dating again. Or, I guess there's a third--3. You can actually break up with him, but I don't think that's what you want.

I really suggest just tell them that there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, and as maturely as possible, that you will not cease to see him, but you would tell them exactly when you were seeing him and what you were doing and they can meet him and all that if they'll give your relationship their blessing.

I'm really sorry that all this stressed you out enough to SH, but remember that it was just a slip-up, it happens to all of us so don't worry about it too much hon
   
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Re: My Parents Found Out... Again. - July 17th 2009, 11:38 PM

just remember, you really didn't do anything wrong and neither did your boyfriend. your parents are probably afraid to let go of their girl, my parents do it all the time with me. its rough and i get that but one day they'll understand. they'll remember what it was like to be our age. if your boyfriend is the type who will be there through it all, he will understand keep your chin up, and good luck!
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My Parents Found Out... Again. - July 21st 2009, 10:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shannon View Post
Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do in this situation, because the problem is with your parents, not you. The way I see it, you've got two options--1. You can just sit them down and tell them that you're not going to break up because of them, and they can meet the guy, and get to know him, and you'll tell them when you're going out to see him, and that you're being respectful of eachother. 2. You can tell them that you had a short feeling of rebellion, but that you now realize you were just being stupid and that you want to break up with him and you didn't really like him, and then you can just make sure they don't find out that you're dating again. Or, I guess there's a third--3. You can actually break up with him, but I don't think that's what you want.

I really suggest just tell them that there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, and as maturely as possible, that you will not cease to see him, but you would tell them exactly when you were seeing him and what you were doing and they can meet him and all that if they'll give your relationship their blessing.
I doubt they'd give our relationship their blessing. I tried to talk to them but nothing's really sinking into their brains. They're very closed minded so I just left it at that. My boyfriend suggested that it's better for me to stay put with my parents and show them that they could trust me. I didn't get to see him yet after all this, though we still chat on MSN (that's our only one way of communicating since my mom didn't and I don't think she'll ever give my phone back). We're still together and I'm very thankful that he's being very supportive and everything. Though sometimes, it crosses my mind to just break up with him because I know it's hurting the both of us in this situation that I'm in right now and he's a great guy; he deserves so much better... But I'm just keeping that in the back of my mind. Anyway, thanks a lot Shannon for trying to help out. Hopefully everything would be okay


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