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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
losing touch. Offline
oh, really?..
Jeez, get a life!
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Age: 27
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should i reply? - July 11th 2009, 01:06 AM

the story behind my "dilema" is very complicated and very.. confusing i suppose.. but to cut a reallyyyyy long story short, a few years ago i had this best friend and we'd been best friends for about 3 years. that was until my dad had an affair with her mum. even though it obviously wasn't my friends fault, i did't feel like i could talk to her again and i basically never spoke to her since then and haven't had any contact with her.

it was kinda easy for this to happen seeing as after the affair my mum moved with my brother and i to england and we left our old life behind and basically everyone in it.. apart from a few people.

skip forward a few years.. my dads back with my mum.. very complicated.. my mum has a boyfriend.. my dad has a few different women around.. but my parents are married and living together. yes i know its confusing.

so.. heres my dilema/problem/whatever..

so my ex-best friend [daughter of woman who basically wrecked our lives back then] sends me a message on facebook along the lines of.. "i know we haven't spoken in years but i just wanted to get back in contact.. blah blah blah.. i'll understand if you don't want to speak to me."

what the hell am i supposed to do? she messaged me a while back.. but it was more to tell me about a reunion and she only mentioned the past briefly and tbh didn't really refer to it directly like she has this time.

part of me wants to say.. she was my best friend and it wasn't her fault.. but another part of me just wants to forget that time in my life and not have anything to do with her or her family.

arrrggghh!! what to do?

..and our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears..

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
TheWhiteTornado Offline
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Re: should i reply? - July 11th 2009, 01:17 AM

I say you should message her and repair your friendship. I realize that her mom destroyed some family ties but it wasn't your friends fault and she's doing her best to get back in touch with you and be friends again. I mean i'm not saying to forget what happened, but your friend is being mature in asking you like this and that she's willing to understand it if you rejected her invite. I say go for it and just slowly ease your way back into your friendship with her.
Good luck!

"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
-Grace Hansen
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Xujhan Offline
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I can't get enough
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Re: should i reply? - July 11th 2009, 01:21 AM

It's good that you recognize that nothing of what happened was her fault. If you think you're capable of putting the past behind you, then you'd probbaly gain a lot by becoming friends again. If for whatever reason you think you're absolutely incapable of moving past what happened, then you should at least let her know that you don't blame her for what happened and that it's you with the issue, not her.

The atoms that make up you and me were born in the hearts of suns many times greater than ours, and in time our atoms will once again reside amongst the stars. Life is but an idle dalliance of the cosmos, frail, and soon forgotten. We have been set adrift in an ocean whose tides we are only beginning to comprehend and with that maturity has come the realization that we are, at least for now, alone. In that loneliness, it falls to us to shine as brightly as the stars from which we came.
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