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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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sham Offline
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Question best friend. - July 12th 2009, 01:23 PM

sorry it's so long.

i have a best friend who is 15. not to be mean but she's always been kinda a whore. then one day, one of the guys she hooked up with [ i guess they were friends? ] introduced her to his best friend over myspace.
they were talking for about 3 days before they were "dating".
and they haven't even met at this point.
they're already fighting at this point cuz he had a gf of 5 years that was cheating on him for like 7months so he's paranoid that she'll cheat on him.
then that weekend comes, she meets this guy.
[ keep in mind, i live in arizona and she lives in michigan. ]
i talked to her boyfriend over myspace and asked one favor, not for him to have sex with her that first time they meet. he says he promises.
he does not follow thru and leaves my best friend angry at me for "butting into her business" which is deff not something i'm used to hearing from her since we basically share business? yeah. obviously, that wasn't too hard of a request. they've known each other over cyber for roughly a week..and she's 15..and she only has sex with guys so she feels loved..whatever.

fast-forward about a month:
she's moved out of her house and lives with this guy now. [he's 18 btw.]
apparently, they're engaged. she's stopped wrestling cuz he doesn't want her to and apparently, she's "outgrown" it? [ i think she just doesn't wanna put the blame on himm.. ] btw, she was training for the olympics and had scholarships offered to her from many universities. say bye bye to that? why? no more free skool cuz yuu outgrew it? okay..
the fighting has gotten worse yet she's more "in love" [what i would call infatuation] with him then ever. she says it's cuz he cares bout her. i don't think calling yo girlfriend a spoiled lil bitch are caring words..but she does i guess..
all she talks about is this guy since she's met him.
her parents think she's literally crazy.
and i'm startin' to think so tooo.
i don't really see how this relationship benefits me anymore but i feel that saying goodbye to it would be way tooo painful seeing as she's been my best friend for a lil over 10 yrs and i don't think i'll be able to find another best friend where i can see myself knitting next to each other in rocking chairs at old old age..
idk. idk what to do!
i haven't met this guy so i don't really kno how he is but his minor actions like name calling and not wearing a condom after she's asked him to worry me extremely. i'm scared it'll turn abusive or something, ya kno?
and him taking advantage of her low self-esteem [why would yuu still be with a guy that treats yuu like that otherwise?].
what should i do? i have no clue as to what i should do.
and i feel that i'm rambling but idk, i guess i'm just disappointed.
   
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Strider Offline
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Re: best friend. - July 12th 2009, 07:41 PM

Hi Samantha,

I would say that you are being a really good friend for being so worried about your friend right now. It does sound like she is in an abusive relationship. When I say 'abusive', I do not mean physical abuse, I am relating it to the controlling and manipulative actions of your friend's boyfriend.

I think it would be beneficial to your friend if you just told her how you feel and what you are worried about straight. She deserves to know that her safety is the number one priority and that she needs to make her own decisions in life. Even though your friend loves this guy, that doesn't mean she needs to put up with name calling or give up opportunities like the ones she had with school. Your friend had a lot going for her, and some guy who doesn't respect her should not come between that.

A healthy relationship is one in which people respect one another, and it doesn't sound like your friend's boyfriend is doing that. If your friend wants to use protection when she has sex, then her boyfriend needs to respect that. He is putting her at a health risk if he doesn't. Ask her if her boyfriend has been checked out for any sexually transmitted infections, and if he hasn't, then she should tell him to.

It may be a smart idea to get your friend's parents involved as well. Let them know that you are concerned and that you are worried for your friend's safety. They may be able to convince her to get out of the relationship.

I understand that you are worried about your friendship right now. Your friend deserves to know that. Tell her that you really care about her, but you want to be able to talk to her about things and know that she is safe with whoever she is with. Let her know that she is jeopardizing her friendship with you by staying with this guy, and try to talk her through what she can do to help fix the friendship with you.

I hope everything works out for you and your friend. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me any time.

Nat.


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