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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Mizu-Kun Offline
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Name: Saito
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Things solid for the moment - Marriage and Family - July 25th 2009, 05:39 PM

My Fiancee and I are to be married really soon. This Tuesday, the 28th to be exact.

My parents, AKA my dad and step-mom are coming to be our witnesses and spend the day with us. Problems arose when my dad's ex-wife's mother (My grandma) got involved. One of her step-sons is a Minister, and my Fiancee wanted to see if he'd marry us to prevent the $350 charge we'd incur. That all went hellish when I ended up telling her when we were going to get married and that my dad and his wife were coming to be our witnesses. She got really defensive and I had no choice but to invite her and my dad's ex-wife. My dad's wife hates my dad's ex-wife, and that entire side of my family, and vice-versa. So, if 'mom and grandma' were to come, dad and 'step-mom' wouldn't. The stress of it all drove me insane, and I told them that "We're not inviting anyone. We're eloping.", and are going to again, just have my dad and his wife be our witnesses. the trouble is only averted for now... My dad's wife is a 'grave-digger', in the sense that she digs up old, dead conversations and times that someone has wronged her, and uses them as attacks. I'm feeling emotionally abused by everyone, and so is my Fiancee. We just wanted something nice, quiet, and simple... a 1-minute vow reading then sign the papers, and we'd invite everyone to our WEDDING in about 6 years when we can afford to invite lots of people. (we consider 50 people to be lots.) I'm having a hard time coping and couldn't decide between the Depression section and F&F, so i picked here... I'm sore in the chest, and my fiancee has even stopped feeling our baby move... I'm just really looking for support here, seeing as how the first of many disasters on this roadway has been averted... I feel hopeless and pained...
   
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Re: Things solid for the moment - Marriage and Family - July 26th 2009, 11:42 PM

Hi Saito,

I'm really glad you were able to talk about this and get these feelings out. It sounds like you are really going through a tough time with your family, and I understand how stressful it must be for you and your fiancee.

I think that the best thing to do would be to just bring the people you need to sign the papers for when you get married and just pay the $350 on your own. I don't think there is any sense in you going through all that stress and having your family undergo so much stress in order to not pay for the minister. Just do what you have to in order to get it done, and let your family know that this isn't going to be a big thing and to stop making it a big deal.

It might be a good idea to take a break from your family and spend some time alone with your fiancee for a bit. Even if it is just to get out and take a long walk, try to do something to calm down and relieve your stress. Ignore your relatives and any phone calls you might get and just take a day or two to yourselves.

The best of luck to you and your fiancee.

Nat.


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Re: Things solid for the moment - Marriage and Family - July 27th 2009, 07:30 PM

Hi.

This is Saito's fiancee. Getting married tomorrow! Yay!

In the end we had to lie to my father-in-law's ex-wife and tell her that the marriage was off so that they wouldn't be a factor in it anymore. That way we can just tell that side of his family that we eloped. I know its not an ideal situation, but its the best we could do, as there's no way we could pay $350. We are living off of loans from my fiancee's father and step-mom right now as, after paying the bills and housing costs, we have no money for even the necessities. So now its just them that will be there.
   
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